Are women better than men at childcare?

[charlotteabigailharris]

I am currently a SAHM and have a 3yo DS and am 6 months pregnant.
I am doing an Economics degree with the open university and really could use your help for my dissertation....
I am researching whether it is accepted/not, that women are generally better than men at carrying out unpaid work - specifically childcare?
Let me know your thoughts,
Thank you.

It is the basis of women's oppression that women, as well as bearing children (at a surprisingly high level of physical risk) are also, by dint of their child bearing abilities, better suited to doing the work of raising them.

So, yes, on the one hand, it is accepted under Patriarchy that women are better at raising children and other unpaid work, such as housework, it isn't true. It creates a situation whereby childcare is viewed as a lesser value occupation than one where there is financial renumeration, which further reinforces Patriarchal society's view of women as lesser when compared to men.

There is a common assumption that women are better at the drudgery of childcare and that somehow sleepless nights and hands covered in poo is easier for us to deal with than for men. We are somehow better at it and that makes it economically efficient to ring fence that as our job.

This is nonsense but because it has been entrenched through millennia of oppression we actually have trained ourselves to accept it. And even to make a virtue out of it. Which is why it looks as though we are better at it when in reality the sexes are equally well adapted (or poorly adapted, really) to the mindless drudgery bit of childcare.

Anecdotally - totally untrue in itself - as a SAHM is was shocking and basically watched TV in a grump until DH came home. DH is now a SAHD and everything works perfectly - food cooked, kids entertained, clothes clean etc. But really that's because of me and him, not because of our genders.
In terms of perception, definitely. I received no comments either way on my mothering abilities from people outside my immediate family. DH is randomly praised and hailed as some kind of demi-god for being willing to wipe bums and noses.

It really is as said upthread - an ingrained expectation that women should be happy with drudgery, whereas men are remarkable if they put up with it.

Also, standard comment to me when I was SAHM - 'ah, you're so lucky, you get to spend those precious moments' etc.
Standard to DH 'but aren't you bored?'

In our case, no. I was bored and he thrives on it.

Practice makes perfect!

As Jackie says practice makes perfect. Overall women probably are better at childcare but only because they do more of it. It's not innate, beyond the fact that women carry their babies, birth them and often feed them which is generally going to help in the early days.

If men did more childcare they'd get better at it. Simples.

Oh and women are less violent. Can only help really.

Btw I also believe women are conditioned to be less violent. So men can be too.

And as for the rest of the unpaid work, tis more social conditioning innit. Men get out your dusters, you know you love it!

So no in answer to your question. Men should pull out their fingers and do more of it.

I don't think that women are innately better at childcare than men.

I think that in reality, women are better at childcare than men - but only because women do more of it, and therefore get more practice at it. If men spent as much time looking after children as women do, I doubt there'd be much difference in ability to do it.

Agree that social conditioning plays a large part too. There's still an expectation that childcare and housework are for women, so from an early age, women and girls are encouraged to practice these things in a way that men and boys aren't.

The title says "Are women better than men at childcare?" but then lower down we get "I am researching whether it is accepted/not, that women are generally better than men at carrying out unpaid work - specifically childcare".

So what's the issue, is it whether women genuinely are better at childcare, or is it that it's widely believed, regardless of whether it's true or not?

Anyway, perhaps the major inequality is willingness rather than inherent skill.

Women are better at breastfeeding. That's it.

We are no better at child care than men and that attitude is disappearing. I find it very interesting that from some of the comments that unpaid work is discribef negatively. Why is it called 'unpaid work'. Why is wanting a well kept home drudgery. Why is having hands covered is child care looked at as unpaid work.
It's a privalage to look after a child. Whoever stays at home does most of the house stuff as they are there.
Women stay at home more often as they bare the child. Another privalage. I personally if having a choice of working in a repetitive unforfilling job (many are ) or staying home looking after child and home, I choose the later.
I had the privalage to be able to go part time. My other half worked extra hours in a difficult job to allow me to do it. I am really grateful to him. As he too was exhausted from his efforts.

There is no reason why women should be better at it. I was, and am, an awesome dad. My wife would baulk at the shit and vomit - it didn't bother me. Nappies, pushing prams, playing in the park - I loved it all. My wife is better at the creative, arty stuff, but that is just a talent she has.

Yes, some of it can be repetitive and boring. But then outside of the Mumsnet bubble where everyone is a city hotshot, lots of jobs are like that too. And it might be worth bearing in mind that this split of duties along gender lines correlates with women living longer to the tune of several years. And the latest research, as roles become less split, seems to be leading to this gap closing.

Load of shite. DD's dad is much better with her than I am. Same level.

How are you hoping to research and/or quantify the acceptance (or not) of the myth?

No. Women are not better at it because of our biology.

There is no gene for it. A female infant is not born with genetic childrearing knowledge, but from the day they're born they are trained for the role. Baby dolls, pushchairs, toy kitchens, etc etc. Moulded into a nurturing role. Grow up watching gender roles play out. Absorbing messages day in day out from everywhere.

It's purely, wholly, totally, completely, that it's expected that women do it.

As with anything, the more you do it, the better you are at it.

The reason many women seem to be better is that they do it more, so become better, so seem better, so people say they're better, so it's expected that they do it, so they get trained to do it, so they're better, so people think they're better, etc etc etc

I think you will need to define what you mean by "better" - more willing or more able.

And how "better" (however you define it) will be quantified objectively.

It's worth remembering that men are also trained into feeling that women's work is beneath them, so many actively avoid it and genuinely feel bad if they do it. They find it embarrassing or "emasculating" to be the one pushing the pram or changing the nappies, and so not only do they not practice it in the way women do, they actually have an aversion to it.

Many women never hold a baby until their own baby arrives. Then they are left with that baby, on their own, while their partner goes to work. They absolutely have to step up and learn, fast, how to cope. There is no other choice. Men, on the other hand, feel they can opt out and faced with the difficulty of dealing with a tiny, dependent life, many do opt out and never throw themselves into it. Thus they miss out on the on-the-job training, they don't pick up the subtle things like watching out for tiredness so that you don't time the nap too late etc. They get it wrong, and either the partner takes over (because she doesn't want to see the baby's needs not being met and feels she knows how to do it) or the man bumbles along continuing to get it wrong and getting more and more frustrated and feeling he can't manage. Learning how a baby works takes time and women are forced to put in that time. If men had to, they would be just as good.

Yops I'm interested in this part of your post: "And it might be worth bearing in mind that this split of duties along gender lines correlates with women living longer to the tune of several years." Could you expand on it?

"DH is randomly praised and hailed as some kind of demi-god for being willing to wipe bums and noses"

Praised by men or women?
The few I know are kind of ridiculed from time to time, mostly by men but also by other mum's, like they are substandard men for doing this and not earning a living

My SAHD friend had a mixture of both but only from women MrNosey. Men took absolutely no notice of the fact that he stayed at home but women either patronised the living daylights out of him and bombarded him with job adverts (I kid you not, women who he'd met once at toddler group would turn up the next week with job ads, as though the only reason he was at home was because he was too stupid to find himself a job) or made out like he was some sort of holy grail of manhood because he did what millions of women do every day without a grain of praise.

No Buffy I didn't imply that she should. I didn't say "objectively", and the "and/or" for quantify should make it clear I don't think it's necessary. Just interested in what and how OP proposes to research.

cailindana

Funny about the job ads, but also ridiculous!

I know! Poor guy he didn't know what to say to them when they arrived saying "Ooh I found this lovely job for you..." Some of them just couldn't believe that he was at home by choice and not because he lacked the faculties to pick up a newspaper or search the internet. He's a nice guy and so didn't spit in their faces like I suggested!

Ah sorry Buffy, cross posts. Carry on! I agree.