"and are always told that they are incapable of effective violence, and so do not turn to violence so easily
Are we? Who tells us this? I do not respond with violence as it's wrong, not because any one told me I couldn't do it efectively.
I find this a really odd thing to say. Surely women and men who refrain from violence do so because it's wrong not because it might not be effective"
It might sound a bit odd out of context, but as Yonic correctly intimated I was thinking of self-defence at the time. Which I would try to do (have done) if I could, if I wasn't frozen by shock and fear, whether it was 'wrong' or no: if (when) I or my child or dh or even some girl I happened to be passing was being threatened with unprovoked violence. In my world, when a general social preference comes up against a practical individual essential right here now, the latter will usually win (if not incapacitated as stated). But I think a lot of women would not even try from fear.
We're often told specifically not to fight back against attackers in case it escalates. That's what the man talking about the Delhi rapes said recently isn't it: the victim should have accepted the rape, not fought back, it was her own fault she was murdered. I've heard police giving out the same advice in lighter circumstances. A difficult line to draw.
Who tells us we can't? Well that rapist for one. There are lots of social messages that tell us women are weak and feeble and therefore ought to do what we're told by men. Have you come across many female fighter role models? I know of a couple, but they're vastly outnumbered.