If this was an issue that affected men, would it still exist?

[holdmeclosertinydancer]

If you change your name when you marry, you have to change all your official information including bank details.

Fast forward a year (not a huge amount of time) and Aunt/Uncle Whatsit send you a christmas present in the form a cheque...in your maiden name.

The bank will not accept it. Despite the fact you have been hitherto known by that name since birth there is no facility to acknowledge that you are not trying to defraud/launder and in fact just want to cash a cheque from your family.

So, for years, all across the country (world?) hundreds of married women are posting back cheques to friends and family, telling them to write it out again in their married name and then post again. It must happen quite a lot especially in the first few months. All because of banking policy.

Is this mad? If the same scenario were being faced by men do you think that policy would have changed by now? Grrr. And no you cannot have two accounts (one in each name) so there is no option but to send the cheque back.

You can avoid this by having the same initial as your husband but I can see why that wouldn't work for everyone.

I'm not sure I completely agree with you on some points, there's some misinformation on what you 'have' to do if you change your name. I'll come back later to discuss it.

Just to compound it, it's a new policy.

I never changed my name. When I first married, I could pay in married name cheques to my own name account, though I'd need to see a teller and explain and flash marriage certificate. They had discretion and exercised it sensibly.

Then everything was centralised/computerised and cheques has to be sent off to processing centres and it became impossible.

Ah banking, the famously helpful and flexible industry. 'Computer says no'

Actually, if it's still a problem, open an account with HSBC in Geneva. They don't seem to be to rigid in applying the regulations.

I don't think correct. You can change what you want to change or change none but just be known socially as "Mrs Someone Else." I know some female lawyers and doctors who are maiden name only professionally but Mrs socially. I'm not sure exactly which, if any, they changed formally but it's perfectly possible to use 2 names.

There's nothing fraudulent in keeping an account in your original name.

Well you don't have to change anything.

But whether you do or not some people are bound to do things to the "wrong" name after you marry.

I seem to remember getting a refund from an old contract or something where they'd overcharged me and it was in my old name, my bank account was in my new name, the bank wouldn't take it and the old contract people wouldn't send me one in a name they didn't have on their records.

I can't remember what happened in the end though!

So yes there is room for difficulty with this stuff.

Don't change your name then? This problem is dying out and though I have sympathy for women who changed their names when they honestly thought they had to, I don't have any for women who tick the big box saying "I'm inferior to men" and then get surprised when they're treated that way

It's not the bank's fault you decided you were a half-person??

Um

Someone who doesn't change their name will likely still get the problem when great aunt someone sends them a cheque to mrs hisfirstname hissurname.

Also stacks and stacks of people still change their names I don't think it's dying out at all. Many people double-barrel now for eg.

I think that's an unnecessarily aggressive response to be totally honest rinabean.

Surely better for big organisations to have sensible policies in the face of normal people behaving normally, rather than saying YES big organisations you carry on being difficult and inflexible and that's fine because IMO the people who are having trouble caused are wankers.

Yup, it took me a long time to persuade an elderly aunt to write her Xmas cheque in my birth (and only) name, not my husband's surname. It cuts both ways, unfortunately!

The whole thing is shit. But really, don't change your name. Why should you?

The thing is rinabean you are damned if you don't and damned if you do.

I certainly at no time decided I was "half a person." What made you think I did that?

I also did not at any time decide to be inferior to men. Criticising my choices tells me YOU are the one who thinks I'm inferior.

It's a pain in the arse. We both changed our names when we married (took each other's, so we're now double barrelled).

Luckily when we got married most people gave us cheques in our pre-married names, but we did have one addressed to "Mr and Mrs Hisname".

We ended up giving it to DH's parents to cash into their account and they just gave us the money. Easier than going back to the relative for them to rewrite it.

So.... in the last couple of days we've had opinions which have ranged from: If you don't take your husband's name when you get married, you're being disrespectful to his family and him, to, if you do take his surname, then you should just suck it up when you're treated as a half person, because you signed up for it?

Whodathoughtit?

Just as well the truth is neither of those extremes, isn't it?!

Aye

Precisely Puffin

And no matter which of those options you go for, you may at some point be in the situation I'm in because people are not infallible.

As sardine said, realistic policy would be welcome here.

If you go into the branch with your marriage cert and the cheque will they take it?

I mean they really ought to.

I assume you've asked them if there's a way around it and they've said no.

Seems terribly obstructive. Could just be shit customer service.

Which bank is it?

So, I'm back. Here's my (former) banker perspective.

Firstly, I realised that I've misread your post. It's been my experience that elderly relatives are quite good at sending you cheques in your married name. Mine do it but I can't cash them as I double barrelled and therefore have never been Mrs Hisname. As mentioned I get the husband with the same first initial to cash them for me. Nobody has sent me a cheque in my maiden name even though that would be a perfectly easy mistake to make. Make what your will of that.

Anyways, back to the thrilling banking stuff.

Cheques will soon be nobody's problem. They'll be gone.

As pp mentioned, you can use your married name socially and all official stuff as maiden name. Confusing but perfectly doable.

You can have two bank accounts in different names, nothing illegal about it. However, banks absolutely hate this so you might find it near impossible to do this with the same institution. I, personally, wouldn't recommend it as it can cause problems with credit checking. Inflexible bankers will assume that you're a fraudster, not just a modern woman or what not.

Finally, in response to your title. Do you think men would make banks more flexible or do you think it'd quickly become outdated to change your name upon marriage?

I'm not sure you're damned if you don't change your name - I haven't had any problems like cheques in my married name but would simply send them back if it arose (and my grandparents did struggle with the whole 'what is your name' thing when I got married, god knows why they found it so complicated to remember nothing had changed).

However, presumably tightening up on identity checking is to prevent fraud. And banks have chosen to take a fairly orthodox stance on how many names you can validly be using at any time as a form of identity. They've opted for one. Perhaps if you find it necessary to have more than one you need to adopt equally antiquated methods of banking such as stuffing notes under the bed

Good points, however, thatstoast. We have a series of race conditions here. Will cheques die out before not changing your name becomes the norm? (Yes). Will identity checking policies become more flexible before not changing your name becomes the norm? (Probably not).

They have point blank refused to accept it because it's in the wrong name for my account.

I asked to revert one of my accounts back to maiden name. Not possible because I have a "profile" so it's all one or the other.

Can't I have a different profile in maiden name. They said no, because I'd need to provide passport/license etc which are in married name but that would mean only driving, overseas-travelling people can have an account (maybe that's true)...

I made a complaint and pointed out that this policy largely affects women therefore is sex discriminatory. It can't be that difficult to have some kind of name history/background attached to your account. Response: "Some men change their name when they marry so its not sexist. There are lots of gay marriages where men change their name."

Seriously.

Anyway, I'm going to find a bank that don't do this and move all my stuff to them.

HBOS.

As pp mentioned, you can use your married name socially and all official stuff as maiden name. Confusing but perfectly doable.

But that would have precisely the same result where some people send you cheques in a name that doesn't match your acc. name.

Both types of PP (name-changers and not-name-changers) have had this happen to them because people either forget or make the assumption that you took your husbands name.

I just wondered if the whole name-changing thing affected men as opposed to women, would there be a nice little system devised to deal with it?

Long after I married an elderly relative sent me a cheque in my maiden name. I spoke to my bank who suggested that if I had an account that had been opened in my maiden name and subsequently changed to my married name, they would let me pay the cheque in to that account.

I had one building society account that I had had for many years and used that. Great that common sense was applied in this case.

I just wondered if the whole name-changing thing affected men as opposed to women, would there be a nice little system devised to deal with it?

Yes, and I think the 'system' would be men wouldn't change their name. I alluded to that above.

If you bank with HBOS (H or Bos?) btw then I used to work for Lloyds Group so I'm speaking with the experience of that inflexible mind set. Also, believe me when I say they view men who change their name with even more suspicion and probably make loads of jokes about how they're 'whipped'. I don't miss it as a place to work.

There are a limited set of documents accepted as ID - this isn't the bank's fault, the list is proscribed.

I don't think the bank can be blamed under these circumstances. If you tell the bank formally your name has changed they will change their records and then if a cheque comes made out to you using your former name they will query it because you've told them you've changed.