If this was an issue that affected men, would it still exist?

[holdmeclosertinydancer]

If you change your name when you marry, you have to change all your official information including bank details.

Fast forward a year (not a huge amount of time) and Aunt/Uncle Whatsit send you a christmas present in the form a cheque...in your maiden name.

The bank will not accept it. Despite the fact you have been hitherto known by that name since birth there is no facility to acknowledge that you are not trying to defraud/launder and in fact just want to cash a cheque from your family.

So, for years, all across the country (world?) hundreds of married women are posting back cheques to friends and family, telling them to write it out again in their married name and then post again. It must happen quite a lot especially in the first few months. All because of banking policy.

Is this mad? If the same scenario were being faced by men do you think that policy would have changed by now? Grrr. And no you cannot have two accounts (one in each name) so there is no option but to send the cheque back.

I get a cheque from anyone no more than once a year these days.

If you do want to change your name and you think this will be a problem it's hardly a big deal to keep an account in your original name if you decide the main account is going to be Mrs .

The answer is yes, if men changed their names at various points during their lives, the banking system would deal with it cheerfully.

(Assuming that's the only difference in this parallel universe!).

Thanks for the advice StillLost but it's a bit late... and I didn't think it would be a problem... and the bank said it's not possible to have accounts in different names. You're right though, it's hardly a big deal but it is an inconvenience to me and to the people who wrote the cheques. I was my maiden name for many years, married for one and all of a sudden my previous identity is wiped out. I think its pretty crap.

Vivienne I totally accept that I changed my name but there is a trail. My old name will come up in my credit history, appears on my passport ("The holder is also known as") but I can't cash a cheque in it.

I rarely get cheques too but recently I received a few and clearly some of the senders have inadvertently/accidentally/who knows put my maiden name on them. Maybe they too thought it wouldn't matter.

Actually, it would hardly be a big deal to accommodate this in the banking system since virtually all other areas allow a woman to retain her maiden name for professional purposes but also go by their married name.

My stepmum sent me a cheque after I had told her dh and I had married (we just fucked off and did it) my dad died a few months before and I'd told her i couldn't face a big thing without him there, and also I was keeping my maiden name. She didn't like it, she had thought that only she should have dad's last name, and I am disrespecting her and her grief by keeping the name I've had my whole life, but she only quarter of her life. Two days later cheque arrives, one for mr and mrs dhs first and last name, knowing we dont have joint account. She was puzzled as to why It hadn't cleared a few weeks later, I thanked her for the thought but explained why they were uncashed, she thought the bank would "make" me change my name and create joint account as that's what's right apparently. She addressed every single birthday etc after that to me as mrs dh first name dh last name, when previously it would be my first name only. I just ripped any cheques up as it just wasn't worth the hassle repeating myself to her. We are NC now, that being one of the many many reasons.

Sorry to hear about your Dad Name.

Your step-mum sounds awful and controlling to attempt to dictate your identity like that.

You're well rid.

So, for years, all across the country (world?) hundreds of married women

Not across the world,traditions vary, in Pakistan all married women have the surname Begum (well that's changing) in Arabic countries you keep your surname until you have a son, then you become Mrs Al Son'sname.

Iceland - your surname is your mother's first name + dottir if you are female and your dad'snameSon in you are male - common for families of 4 to have 4 different surnames.

I kept my name and was sent cheques in what people assumed to be my new name. Horribly embarrassing to have to send them back.

sashh, in Iceland, traditionally it's the father's name + dottir for women.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Icelandic_name

I have been married three years now. Didn't change my name. My bank accepts cheques in my husbands surname with my marriage cert.

I set up a post redirect yesterday cos we're moving house and was slightly horrified to find that they had decided to charge us double for "two surnames" (really? It's double the effort for you to redirect our post?) as I don't have the same surname as DH.

So, damned if you do....

My bank accepts cheques in my husbands surname with my marriage cert

What? I wonder if they'd oblige in my situation... the cynic in me isn't sure.

Annie thats terrible. I thought they put all the names down for your address" That'll teach you

"You can't blame the banks"
Err... Considering the banks decide on the rules (via their man mates in government) and the banks are all run by men, I think you can blame the banks and it is a feminist issue!

Thankfully cheques are a dying breed.

Personally i encourage direct bank transfer for gifts, although non with my nan ...

I'm surprised the banks take not if the payee. Some 4-5 years ago a work colleague paid in a cheque to his organisation's account which was made out to my organisation. Different name but with one word in common. Cheque was accepted just fine.