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Original poster

"I'm worried about my sons"

52 replies

flippinada · 31/01/2015 12:08

I've been around here for yonks and this pops up quite often on MN, usually in the context of their son being the victim of some maliciousness contrived by another woman or women.

The two examples which immediately spring to mind are false rape accusations, or having an awful daughter in law who takes your son away.

I have a DS myself and in all honesty I have never spent a moment fretting about either of those things. I

Just to add, I don't want to be dismissive of people who have experienced this as I'm sure it must be horrible.

My thoughts are , this type of concern is rooted in misogyny, and seeing women as "other" or "the enemy" I'd be interested to see what other people think?

OP posts:
FuckOffGroundhog · 31/01/2015 14:55

I think some women see it as some kind of competition, and they are competing with the DIL. And it's not. It's the female equivalent of polishing the shot gun with your daughter's boyfriend comes to visit.

Original poster
flippinada · 31/01/2015 15:03

Interesting about Cromwell's appearance. Agree Mark Rylance looks nothing like him. I do like the portrayal though and am willing to suspend disbelief.

I'm remembering a scene in Wolf Hall (the novel), where he's talking or thinking about getting married to his first wife; and someone says something along the lines of, she's obviously not fussed about looks.

Does anyone else remember that?

OP posts:
Original poster
flippinada · 31/01/2015 15:08

Sorry, mixed up my threads there Blush.

"It's the female equivalent of polishing the shot gun with your daughter's boyfriend comes to visit."

That' a good way of putting it. I really hate the notion that women should 'compete' for men's attention, as if men are some sort of prize to be won.

OP posts:
FuckOffGroundhog · 31/01/2015 15:14
Grin
Original poster
flippinada · 31/01/2015 16:56

What can I say, I really like Wolf Hall! Grin

OP posts:
LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 31/01/2015 17:41

My ds is primary age, but having experienced problems myself I do worry more about him turning to the bad, or just to the usual bloody insensitive clod. Him being falsely accused and convicted has never occurred to me before, given the conviction rates.

There is so much violence in our society, you can't isolate them from it and I see plenty of 'the parents are wonderful why did he go so wrong' stories on the news (that Leeds teacher murdered) and on here too... I hope they're not entirely true. But so many kids these days just seem to lack all empathy.

LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 31/01/2015 17:45

Of course I assume we will be in that wonderful parents bracket Grin

TravelinColour · 01/02/2015 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 01/02/2015 18:21

There are lots of things I will worry about for my son.

I won't worry about false rape accusations. I will teach him about enthusiastic consent and would damn well expect him to be able to explain his reasonable belief in the vanishingly unlikely event of being falsely accused.

I will worry far more that he will choose to emigrate than that some woman will 'take ' him. I think the idea that you are more distant as a mil often comes from the number of men who opt out of family life. If my son tries that one we'll be having words. Grin

Dimplesandall · 01/02/2015 19:30

I fear getting into fights, random street attacks (much more likely on men than women!) and yes, car accidents. On and drugs and alcohol. And suicidal teenage thoughts combined with impulsive behaviour. And being led astray by the worldly wise when at 6' and full of attitude (but no street savviness) they look like they can handle themselves but probably can't.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 01/02/2015 22:02

I worry about my son. I worry that he will absorb so many wrong messages from a misogynistic society which values women purely for their sexual value and availability, that he becomes a misogynist who will value women purely for their sexual value and availability.

I worry that DH and my parenting won't be good enough to make him strong enough to withstand what feels like an insurmountable flood of women-hating bile.

I may be feeling bleak. But yes, I worry for my son.

scallopsrgreat · 02/02/2015 16:22

Yy Lonny, me too. Sad

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 02/02/2015 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

thehumanjam · 02/02/2015 16:48

I don't worry about my sons being accused of rape, I'm not saying it couldn't happen however I will ensure that they understand the laws concerning consent and accept that there are no grey areas. I hope that my sons will not grow into the type of men with a sense of entitlement and will be sensible enough not to have sex with someone who is intoxicated. Yes they could still be accused of rape by a malicious person but it's very unlikely.

I hope they choose partners who are of good character and I will treat their partners with respect so there is no reason why they would distance themselves from their family.

I worry about their future prospects career wise and financially. I worry that they might get ill, attacked on a night out and I also worry about traffic accidents.

Rape allegations and relationships with future daughter in laws are to a limited extent within my control.

thehumanjam · 02/02/2015 16:55

I also worry about alcohol and drugs.

PuffinsAreFictitious · 02/02/2015 18:48

I am not worried about my sons being falsely accused of rape. I have, even from when they were very young, taught them that they own their bodies and no one else's. That touching someone requires their permission and consent. We have also talked openly and clearly about sex, consent and what to do if they aren't 100% sure. Malicious false rape accusations are vanishingly rare, so no, not worried about that.

Not worried about DiLs either. If they want to be part of the family, they will be welcomed, if they don't, that's fine too. My DSs know where to find me when they need me, and know that however long it's been since they got in touch, they will be welcomed back.

I worry more about how my DS2 will cope if I or DH dies suddenly. He has ASD and will need a level of care for the rest of his life. I worry about DS1's bloody awful driving, and his friend's bloody awful driving. I've offered to pay for advanced lessons, but I got this Hmm

Neither of my DSs are into drugs, DS1 drinks, but not to excess.

We've always been incredibly open and honest with each other.

scallopsrgreat · 02/02/2015 20:02

'good character'? So what's that then? Just so I know when I've earned respect for being a woman Hmm.

thehumanjam · 02/02/2015 20:44

By good character I meant a decent person. What do you think I bloody meant? Someone who treats people with respect, has empathy and has preferably not spent time in prison.

Surely that's what anyone wants from their children's partners isn't it? Hmm

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 02/02/2015 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dimplesandall · 02/02/2015 21:09

My 11 year old told off a classmate who was laughing about rape. Was SO proud of him, makes me think am doing something right and our values do rub off. why shoild they grow up to disrespect women if they respect us? And like us, at least sometimes, and have female friends. I agree there's a horrible culture of objectifying women but we can help them to question this.

scallopsrgreat · 02/02/2015 21:21

I don't know the thehumanjam. That's why I asked. It's a very subjective comment. A woman's 'character' has always been under scrutiny, used against her and an excuse to abuse her or take away her rights.

scallopsrgreat · 02/02/2015 21:26

Also House, in what kind of circumstances would a teenager fear telling her parents she had wanted to be kissed or touched? And the fact she wanted to be kissed or touched does not mean she wasn't raped.

thehumanjam · 02/02/2015 21:27

I didn't mean anything like that. I essentially just meant a decent trustworthy person. Sorry for being short with you, I'm not quite sure what's wrong me this evening.

scallopsrgreat · 02/02/2015 21:29

No I understand now. No worries. I was a short with you too. Sorry.

HermioneWeasley · 02/02/2015 21:31

I worry about the impact of misogyny and hyper masculinity on both my kids (one son and one daughter).