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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Thread for overthinking

41 replies

Artifexmumdi · 21/12/2014 13:42

I thought that it might be a good idea to have a thread specifically for overthinking. That way those who don't like overthinking have fair warning to avoid itXmas Wink.

I am wondering why womenswear designers seem to hate women with hips and why I always end up on the verge of tears when these clothes don't fit me. I tried on a skirt yesterday because I am desperately in need of skirts and it did not fit. I already felt ashamed because it was a size L (ridiculous, I know) and when it didn't fit, I did my best to blame the clothes not my body as I had DD1 with me, but I still felt awful.

It feels like you have 2 choices as someone who has birthed children fashion wise. You are either a yummy mummy or frumpy both of which are despised. Another case of a woman's place is in the wrong?

Any more overthinkers?

OP posts:
LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 21/12/2014 15:13

So this is overthinkng clothes is it Smile? I don't think you'll get much disagreement on here, or on mumsnet generally, on the idea that women's clothes, being designed to fit everyone, in fact fit virtually no one.

In their defence I guess it's always going to be a problem when you have ready-made clothes. Though surely there could be a better balance.

Which brave soul is going to mention shoes? Oh dear...

WHAT ABSOLUTE IDIOT invented shoes that are not suitable for walkng even half a mile down the bloody road in? High heels, ballerina pumps for god's sak, it's like there's a conspiracy to keep us all chained inside... oh wait ....

Grin
YonicSleighdriver · 21/12/2014 16:09

Pockets! I want proper pockets!

PuffinsAreFictitious · 21/12/2014 16:14

Not the pockets of Patriarchy then? Or the frigging handbags of Patriarchy which are either so tiny, you can just about get your phone, keys and a lipstick in there, or so enormous you can fit the whole family's guff in it, just to reinforce your handmaiden role.

And yes, I know, there are inbetweenies, but I haven't the time or the money to hunt one down.

Original poster
Artifexmumdi · 21/12/2014 17:35

One of the reasons I am desperate for skirts is because a very good friend made me a beautiful skirt with deep pockets and I wore it to pieces.

OP posts:
PuffinsAreFictitious · 21/12/2014 17:57

Having clothes that fit and don't look like something my Grandmother would have thought old fashioned is the main reason why I am getting a new sewing machine. Apparently women with wobbly bits or boobs don't have any style.

PoinsettiaGordino · 21/12/2014 18:04

YY puffins my mil who is a size 22 is one of the best-dressed women I know. But she has the money and time to spend tracking down and buying clothes that are well-designed, with the right fabric, and comfortable

Original poster
Artifexmumdi · 21/12/2014 18:36

Puffins you mean like the majority of women?

One of my ambitions is to learn to sew for just that reason.

OP posts:
PuffinsAreFictitious · 21/12/2014 18:44

Yes Artifex, just like them.

There are loads of 'how to use a sewing machine' type courses about in craft shops, or even have a look on Youtube for some how to's.

Great thing about making your own clothes is that you can have pockets that reach your knees if you fancy them Xmas Grin

cailindana · 21/12/2014 18:57

One direction's song "Night changes" is clearly about losing virginity and is very dark in the sense that it implies the girl is doing something really edgy but the oh so good protagonist of the song will deign to love her anyway, even if she's a slag.

cailindana · 21/12/2014 19:03

Sam Smith's song "stay with me" is basically "I know you don't want to be with me but I want to be with you so that's all that matters really whinge whinge whinge..." and "like I can" is the usual friend zone thing - I'm great why don't you pick me? You're all wrong etc etc.

The video for "Uptown funk" is basically all about glorifying street harassment.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 21/12/2014 20:42

I am currently raging at the fact that long coast and trousers that go past your ankles are apparently 'not in fashion' this season. Because being warm in winter should of course be optional and be something that is subject to the whims of fashion.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 21/12/2014 20:42

*coats not coast...

whatdoesittake48 · 21/12/2014 23:37

I have always wanted to start a shop for clothes for women with big hips and small waists. I would call it Hippies. I hate the way nothing fits my waist without bagging out at the back. Problem is that the stock just doesn't exist. And I can't sew. ..

ItIsSmallerOnTheOutside · 21/12/2014 23:48

whatdoes learn to sew and you've got yourself a customer here!

I hate the video for David Guetta's latest song, Dangerous. It's a car racing one with loads of women. I don't think I'm over-thinking it actually. It's awful the way women are portrayed. I haven't listened to the song lyrics but I bet they're dodgy.

EBearhug · 21/12/2014 23:57

I can sew, but god knows when I'd have time to fit it in (quite easily if I gave up MN, probably...) I do find some places have a cut which suits me better than other places.

skrumle · 22/12/2014 08:05

my job makes me paranoid that even "nice" comments to/about me are actually loaded ways of saying "you don't really belong here"...

to be fair, considering my job, i'm pretty sure that once people start commenting on my hair that probably is what they're saying Hmm

TonightTonight · 22/12/2014 09:50

This: “@LouiseMensch: We all vilify the threats made to feminists who make stupid critiques of gaming but they haven't come from #gamergate.” I think I'd actually prefer to be silenced with death threats than written off as hysterical.

Original poster
Artifexmumdi · 22/12/2014 11:24

Yes, but if you mention the death threats you will be written off as hysterical anyway so you can't win.

OP posts:
MilchMama · 24/12/2014 20:39

Long-time lurker here ... Bit nervous! But seeing as it's Christmas and all ...

DD (2) has been given a fairy costume for Christmas. She loves it. The family members who know I'm a feminist are now taking the piss and saying how "sexist" it is, and why aren't I making a fuss.

If DD likes it, that's good enough for me. If DS wants to wear it, that's fine by me too. DD is just as delighted with her doctor's kit, books and train set.

I just wish feminism wasn't a topic to be derided and laughed at by everyone in my family.

YonicSleighdriver · 24/12/2014 22:06

Ugh, poor you. As if making a fuss and upsetting your DD on Xmas would be a top plan!

Original poster
Artifexmumdi · 25/12/2014 14:35

Offs, she can wear her fairy costume while doing lots of things. Plus agree with Yonic completely.

OP posts:
MilchMama · 25/12/2014 19:31

Thanks. I'm relieved people agree. Why do I always feel like I'm in the wrong on things like this? Even DH told me to "chill".

DD got a tool kit from Father Christmas this morning (all she had asked for), and my family's faces were Hmm

It makes me Sad

In another joyous Christmas conversation, my grandmother informed me that all men need sex, women are duty-bound to oblige, and she knows that's the reason most marriages break down.

I had to leave the room. Everyone was agreeing. Angry

Original poster
Artifexmumdi · 26/12/2014 08:20

Oh, MilchMama, how awful. Are you or they still there? Keep posting here if ut helps.

OP posts:
OhBuggeringBollocks · 26/12/2014 08:28

I had an argument with DF over middle aged women being invisible because no one wants to sleep with them anymore.

DM just slowly closed her eyes as she waited for my onslaught.

I told my DFWe agreed that thankfully times are a-changing and some enlightened people feel women past a child bearing age are still visible in academic and career terms, and some people even want to carry on sleeping with them.

This was after he told me women just aren't as funny as men.

He is a good person I promise, he just reads the Torygraph too much.

FloraFox · 26/12/2014 08:46

are you saying things are better for women because men increasingly want to sleep with middle aged women?