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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

No Miss, no Ms... just Mrs

147 replies

guinnessgirl · 17/12/2014 09:15

Hi all. First op on this board so please be gentle!

I was reading this blog post recently, and it really got me thinking. vagendamagazine.com/2014/09/why-you-shouldnt-bother-calling-yourself-ms/

I disagree with the idea at the end about us all being Mr, but the idea of all adult women being Mrs really appeals to me. As the writer says, for good or bad it's the highest status title of the three that we currently use, and it's got a direct parallel in Mr.

What do you think? And do you think there's any real hope of change if enough women adopted it?

OP posts:

cheminotte · 17/12/2014 20:32

Yes agree it should not matter if miss / Mrs / ms. I have just realised one of dc's teachers is a Mrs not a Miss and am wondering if she will be offended. Maybe I should just write Ms for everyone in the future?

SirChenjin · 17/12/2014 20:37

Oh gosh - maybe it was Miss but sounded like Missy with the accent?! Either way, we all liked it

OccamsLadyshave · 17/12/2014 20:39

I make a point of going by Miss even though I'm the wrong side of 40 and have a teen DD. I've never been married and I hate the connotation that Ms means I'm divorced or ashamed of being single.

I get quite irritated by people (usually teachers) calling me Mrs Fuckbuddy, as DD has her dad's name.

I think if we were to all start going by Mrs, given the current meaning of the title, it would feel like we were all pretending to be married in order to conform.

Yesterday I filled in a guarantee form for my new KitchenAid and there was only a Mrs or Ms option, not a Miss. I decided to be a Lord!

SirChenjin · 17/12/2014 20:41

Yeah, Mrs Fuckbuddy isn't very polite - can understand your irritation there

OccamsLadyshave · 17/12/2014 20:44

Chunderella · 17/12/2014 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nicola070906 · 17/12/2014 20:52

Dr/Prof are very much necessary in academia for so many reasons - publication, collaboration, rank etc. especially in the biomedical research field. I don't see why PhDs should revert back to mr/mrs/miss/ms in their personal life, they worked hard for that title.

PuffinsAreFictitious · 17/12/2014 20:57

nicola... the PhDs on this thread have said they don't want/need to.

RufusTheReindeer · 17/12/2014 21:01

IN my children's school all females are Miss and all males are Sir

I like San, might change my nickname!!

WiseKneeHair · 17/12/2014 21:02

Ive got Dr on my bank cards, I go by the title of Miss at work and either Mrs or occasionally Ms outside of work. Tbh, I don't really care what people call me as long as it is polite
I agree that one title for all would be the best option though, and not really bothered which one it is.

nicola070906 · 17/12/2014 21:03

Puffinsareficticious, I'm saying I don't agree, they have put in an equal amount of work if not more for the title as a medical doctor and therefore should be recognised equally. I'm in the final year of my PhD and I will be using Dr as my title, I can't think of any exceptions to that.

PuffinsAreFictitious · 17/12/2014 21:09

Yes, I understand that nicola.... however, the women on this thread, with PhDs who work in academia have said that the title is pretty much redundant. Use the title if you choose too, but it's obviously not necessary to use it, even in the biomedical research field.

SirChenjin · 17/12/2014 21:14

Nicola - why does it matter to you that people generally outside of your workplace know that you are a Dr? One of my cousins has a Phd in some physics field - really bright bloke, worked hard etc - but he doesn't use the title outside of work as he doesn't feel it's at all important or that it defines him.

nicola070906 · 17/12/2014 21:17

The PhDs on here must be of a very different opinion to any that I know. I can't think what their reasoning is. It's absolutely personal preference outside of work but have no idea how they find it redundant in work. Out of close to 100 drs/profs I couldn't name one that doesn't use it in my institute. Maybe it differs by field/employment status. If I had a PhD but hadn't worked in the field for a while I would feel silly using the title.

SirChenjin · 17/12/2014 21:17

In fact, come to think of it, none of the Drs (Phd or medical)I know use the title outside of work

nicola070906 · 17/12/2014 21:23

Sir Chenjin, a title could never define anyone. I think it's nice to work hard and have the option of changing your title to reflect this if you wish. I don't see why anyone who has a PhD should feel embarrassed to use it, it is provided as an option for a reason. Your cousin has made his choice and others should feel free without judgement to make theirs.

PuffinsAreFictitious · 17/12/2014 21:23

Nope, Sir, nor any of the ones I know. A tiny minority in work, and most of them tend to be of the 'do you not know who I am' variety. A research scientist I knew used to, until he realised that no one was impressed, or even cared.

Nervo · 17/12/2014 21:30

I too would prefer a world without titles.

In the meantime I will continue to use Ms. I like the sound.

nicola070906 · 17/12/2014 21:31

I really don't understand this. In a research environment everyone either has a PhD or is working towards one so its not an unusual thing. I think you are being rude to suggest people who use it are the 'do you know who I am type'. It's a professional title, it's not redundant. As much as you would like to believe it is. Outside of work is another story I don't know what everyone refers to themselves as but I'm sure they probably have it on their credit cards if nothing else.

Chunderella · 17/12/2014 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ErrolTheDragon · 17/12/2014 21:36

We don't use Dr within our company (scientific software) because its the norm rather than the exception, but I'd be pretty sure that my colleagues with customer-facing roles would use it (or have the letters after their name on their business card). Outside of work I do quite like using it in some contexts esp traditionally misogynistic ones.

SirChenjin · 17/12/2014 21:39

That seems very odd. Given that Phds are ubiquitous in some industries (just as MRCS etc are ubiquitous in the NHS) surely you don't all go around introducing yourselves to colleagues as Dr so and so? None of the medical Drs I work with do - they will use the title if they are publishing, or working with a patient to clarify their role, that sort of thing, but wouldn't dream of using it socially outside of work, probably because they know no-one would be impressed.

PlumpingUpPartridge · 17/12/2014 21:46

We've all got PhDs where I work (except the accounts staff) and we just use our titles in our email signatures! I always post cards to PhD acquaintances addressing them as Dr whatever but that's about it

PuffinsAreFictitious · 17/12/2014 21:48

No nicola, I wasn't being rude, I was merely observing that the people whom I know who do it are that type. There really isn't any need to be quite so defensive. Or rude.

nicola070906 · 17/12/2014 21:49

Sir Chenjin, I thought it went without saying that no one goes around saying hi I'm dr so and so how are you today dr so and so lol! But as you say publications, professional emails, presentations, letters etc they would certainly be dr/prof. I assumed that's what the debate was about?? I don't currently introduce myself by miss or ms, only my first and possibly last name so I won't suddenly begin to do this when I'm dr but on formal letters or forms, bank accounts I will.

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