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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Casual sexist remarks at school/college that stayed with you?

87 replies

JeanneDeMontbaston · 16/12/2014 16:50

I was just wondering about the impact of casual sexism. I don't mean sustained, serious, shocking things - I mean the off-the-cuff remarks that didn't seem important at the time, but that really stayed with you.

I remember really clearly, overhearing my teacher saying to another teacher: 'A lot of them are really ladylike, and then there's [myname]!'

It is a little bit funny, I know - and I know exactly what they meant - but I was thinking about the way I remember this once chance comment twenty years on. I thought of it because one of my mates just mentioned her lecturer (female) turned to her calmly and say 'Jenny, do you ever stop to let the boys get a word in edgewise?!' Not, 'the other students' but 'the boys'. Hmm

What about you?

OP posts:
BOFster · 17/12/2014 00:02

I was going to say that nothing like that really sticks with me, but the legs talk has reminded me of a very brisk teacher I whined to told about being bitched about by a group of girls at sixth form. She suggested I should consider wearing longer skirts.

Original poster
JeanneDeMontbaston · 17/12/2014 00:08

Confused Interesting solution to that particular problem!

OP posts:
BOFster · 17/12/2014 00:10

I have to admit that even at the time I was a bit caught between indignation at her basically saying it was my fault for drawing attention to myself, or conceding that, practically speaking, she may have had a point.

Original poster
JeanneDeMontbaston · 17/12/2014 00:22

Grin If the very stylish picture of you I've seen is an indication, you got over worrying about the second bit.

OP posts:
rosabud · 17/12/2014 00:22

I had a Biology teacher who told us (all girls school) that a marriage could only work if both partners felt able to have their say but, ultimately, one partner always had to give in to the other. No prizes for guessing which partner she suggested had to do the giving in. She also said that she believed this so strongly that in her own marriage vows she had promised to obey.

I had respected her very much up to that point but I remember being shocked and outraged. What really upset me was that she was relatively young, not one of the old fuddy duddies. About a month later, she came to the school play with her husband and was very obviously "loved up" - head on his shoulder, arms draped around him etc. After what she had said, it made me feel sick. I've never forgotten it.

IHeartKingThistle · 17/12/2014 00:26

I remember at 14 having to learn a scene from Julius Caesar for English class with my friend for homework. I adored English and really respected my (male) teacher at that point.

We worked really hard on it. We were playing Brutus and Cassius and put loads of expression into it. When we finished performing the teacher just said 'It's funny, no matter how good it is it just sounds like housewives gossiping over the fence, doesn't it?'

That was in 1993!

WorkingBling · 17/12/2014 07:43

There was an issue in our area with girls having men make rude, threatening and overly sexual comments to school girls when driving/walking past. The girls were called to a special assembly to discuss it. The deputy head said, "of you didn't all wear such short skirts..."

I was outraged. Not least because it has happened to me the day before on my way to a sports event. It was freezing and I was wearing a track suit, with an extra jumper.

UptoapointLordCopper · 17/12/2014 07:50

Shock Angry

I don't remember anything in particular - no doubt there were many. I was very oblivious in school. But am Angry Angry at these remarks.

claraschu · 17/12/2014 07:58

No teacher ever made a remark like these in my hearing. Also, I have never been harassed or put down by anyone for being female while I was in school or Uni (3 degrees). I grew up in NYC, finished school in 1982, and any such remarks from a teacher would have been considered deeply offensive by girls and boys alike.

Zazzles007 · 17/12/2014 09:30

Oh, I remember one from my last year in high school. I was recommended for an admin role in a small accounting firm by my male maths teacher (who at the time I respected Hmm), because that was all I was expected to live up to. My response - "Don't they know I'm going to go to university???" Hmm I am sure they would be horrified to learn that since high school I've earned 2 degrees, one of those a very difficult post-grad, with mostly distinctions.

Another sexist teacher at my school was the male English teacher who allowed, permitted and encouraged the boys in the class to over-run and to speak at the expense of the all girls in the class. Used to shit me to no end that English classes were just a long drawn out affair of him speaking to the boys, and no one else's voices being heard. Angry.

IHeartKingThistle · 17/12/2014 13:28

Zazzles that is awful. BUT I doubt very much the teachers would be 'horrified' to know you had done so well. I hear this sort of thing a lot but I'm always delighted when I hear of the achievements of ex-students, even if they were difficult and especially if they weren't 'expected' to go on to great things.

CheddarGorgeous · 17/12/2014 13:47

mooth - your dad was actually right - studies show that people's educational attainment is more closely linked to their mother's than their fathers. So it was factually accurate even if it was meant as sexist.

twostepsister · 17/12/2014 13:58

When my boys were young I worked part time in the week and all day Saturday and overtime all day on a Sunday and bank holiday Monday (paid double time). One member of staff (mid 50's no children) commented that did my boys miss me whilst I worked all weekend? I replied that their dad was more than capable looking after them and I'm sure that they like the 2 weeks abroad that I can pay for each year.

IHeartKingThistle · 17/12/2014 14:18

That isn't sexist is it twosteps? I am more than capable of looking after my DC but they still miss DH when he works away. I don't think I would have take offence at that.

museumum · 17/12/2014 14:22

I honestly don't remember any at all. And I studied maths and physics. I honestly think all the teachers and lecturers were on best behaviour to encourage the girl :)
Either that or I was too thick skinned to notice??

slug · 17/12/2014 15:30

We had one consultation with the careers advice tutor when we were in the 6th form. I was told (top student, regularly outdid all the boys in exams, heading straight for university to study science etc) that I should consider doing a secretarial course "as a backup". I remember looking the guy in the eye and asking him if he advised the boys to do the same thing before flouncing out.

Slumberparty · 17/12/2014 15:32

I remember my Design and Technology teacher running his finger over a thick edge of plastic I had spent ages filing down and said "that's very good....for a girl ". It made me so angry at the time (and still does now actually).

CalamitouslyWrong · 17/12/2014 15:43

I was taught higher physics by a sexist dinosaur. I was the only girl in the class (there were only 9 of us, presumably because they didn't trust him with a full class; the other teachers had full higher physics classes).

He absolutely refused to teach me properly He'd act like I wasn't there as he explained things to the boys. If forced to engage with me he'd mansplain things in a very slow voice like I was an idiot. If he was demonstrating an experiment to the boys, he'd ask me to hold things and refer to me as 'his lovely assistant'.

The really annoying thing was that I was by far the best at physics in the class. I was the only one who got an A; the next best grade in the class was a C. I got the best higher results in my whole school and the teachers knew I wasn't a lobotomised fool. Yet this teacher treated me like one because I was female.

I hated him. He did the same to friends who had him for standard grade physics and they were relieved to get a different teacher for higher.

twostepsister · 17/12/2014 16:14

Iheartkingthistle it is a sexist comment when she doesn't say this to any of the fathers that work similar hours, it is an assumption on her part that I should be at home looking after my boys instead of working overtime.

mypoosmellsofroses · 17/12/2014 19:04

Not at school, but as a Guide, would have been about 10/11. Our group was quite progressive ( considering late 70s/early 80s) and one evening we were taken to local Fire Station for a talk about the Fire Brigade and their work.
The man giving the talk was keen to impress on us that women could join the service, all good up until the point he told us that there was a minimum chest measurement (due to breathing apparatus) for women joining and that they all wanted to be the one that gets to check it. Made me feel grubby at the time, and has stayed with me all these years.

EBearhug · 17/12/2014 21:17

I should consider doing a secretarial course "as a backup".

Whereas I was told, "girls of your calibre won't be secretaries," when I signed up for typing as a 6th form elective class. If they'd really thought it through, they'd have made everyone learn typing, because it can save you a fortune (in time or money) in typing up dissertations and theses. Of course, they probably hadn't quite seen the future which meant that within 5-10 years, everyone would be using keyboards and sending emails and so on anyway - as a result, having learnt touch-typing was one of the most useful things I did at school.

messyisthenewtidy · 18/12/2014 00:48

When I asked our history teacher why women were never mentioned in history he replied "well unfortunately they didn't actually do anything. They just looked after the children "

cherubimandseraphim · 18/12/2014 00:58

Mind you, it was a school that had major issues with aspiration anyway. The Head of Upper School's 'inspirational' speech was about how much she looked forward to 'seeing the girls with their babies in prams in a few years'. This was in about 1997. Not long ago, really.

Similarly in about 1996 my headmaster (of a girls' school - the rank and file teachers were women but the head and most of the department heads were men...) said at our leaving party that he was "looking forward to having some young ladies like you to push me around in my bath-chair when I'm older". Lovely Hmm And the head of modern languages liked to loudly remark: "Get in shape for pushing those prams, girls!"

Mind you I work in a very male-dominated workplace and those are nothing compared to the sexist crap I've heard there. Angry

Original poster
JeanneDeMontbaston · 18/12/2014 01:02

When I asked our history teacher why women were never mentioned in history he replied "well unfortunately they didn't actually do anything. They just looked after the children "

Shock

Wow. That is truly awful.

OP posts:
Schoolaroundthecorner · 18/12/2014 02:23

On a school trip when ai was about 14/15 a boy I didn't know and, as far as I can remember, had little interaction with wrote on my souvenir leaflet thing (it was a week long residential trip and we were all writing on each others, like a yearbook) that if I was a boy he'd 'punch me in the face'.

Still no idea why he said that, why he felt the need to write it down so everyone else would see it, but I spent far too long afterwards worrying about how annoying I must have been and what other boys thought of me and moderating my behaviour around them.

Prat!