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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Why don't men care..?

104 replies

AWholeLottaNosy · 10/12/2014 23:24

Why do men care so much about football ( and other sports), Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, computer games etc but not give a fuck about violence against women? ( which is real and life destroying) Why do they want to be heroes in a virtual life but not the real one? I know this may be a bit controversial but it genuinely puzzles me.,,

OP posts:
BuffyWithChristmasEarings · 12/12/2014 20:06

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FloraFox · 12/12/2014 20:16

Buffy but he has discussions and reads stuff. Just think of what we could learn if only he could be bothered to discuss make violence against women.

DeePancrisPandevenistaken · 12/12/2014 22:59

Bobby are you the same Booby who appeared briefly on the other thread about 'men can be feminists'? IF so you bobbed in with a quirky note and bobbed out again. Which, like here, is pretty poor and paltry. At least sustain a position (which may be unpopular) rather than chucking incediaries and walking off?

SidCraemer · 12/12/2014 23:09

Which particular episode do you have in mind? People can argue over just about anything. I'm sure you have known some great guys over the course of your life, maybe you can talk about one of them? You might have had one of them in mind when you referred to "heroes"? What would you like a hero to be AWholeLottaNosy?

CrazyOldBagLady · 12/12/2014 23:26

I think that most men are appalled by male violence against women, but like the rest of us, they don't see it in the open, and don't know how to help unless it is going on right under their noses.

BobbyBingoooo · 14/12/2014 17:17

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BuffyWithChristmasEarings · 14/12/2014 17:26

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BuffyWithChristmasEarings · 14/12/2014 17:27

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Viviennemary · 14/12/2014 17:34

I don't think you can say all men don't care. Some do and some don't. But a lot of men do seem to have the attitude that if it doesn't affect anybody close to them then it's not up to them to do anything about it. It's up to the police or other public body to 'sort it out.'

FloraFox · 14/12/2014 18:19

bingoo unfortunately I did bother to read your pointless post.

The OP is about violence against women. Many people don't want to discuss the specific nature of male violence against women and like to deflect the subject off into other discussion, just like you.

BobbyBingoooo · 14/12/2014 23:50

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FloraFox · 15/12/2014 00:57

Not violence against women. Male violence against women.

Maybe it would be useful for women if you would be willing to look at this more clearly rather than brushing it under the rug while claiming to be a saviour.

Dervel · 15/12/2014 02:09

Ignoring Bobby entirely, because, well, boring. I've sat and mulled over the post above and reflected on it a bit, and I've come to the conclusion it's not really a goady question at all, there is a serious point in there.

Avoiding the sports dimension as although you see words like hero, and legendary tossed around and undoubtedly some of them are role models to the young it's easier to focus on the myths, legends and stories we tell ourselves.

A hero is, or should be someone that stands up for the weak and vulnerable, the obvious answer is that too many men lack the courage to either wade in when they see the violence occurring, or perhaps more importantly step up and question the societal landscape that seeks to minimise or ignore the problem. In fact it may well be linked, if we don't stand up against it we are bieng cowards, so we try to pretend it isn't there so we do not have to feel bad about ourselves. Rather we can live vicariously through our heroes on page and screen.

I'm afraid I cannot claim to have had the crap beaten out of me over this, but I am reminded of an occasion where some friends and I were sat down enjoying our chosen science fiction show of that evening when we heard a woman's scream come up from outside, we all thundered down the stairs, and it jumped into my mind I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do, I had the misfortune of having been sat closest to the door, and as such was about to be faced by God knows what hulking monstrosity outside. However luckily the woman who was being attacked was doing such a sterling job of smacking the thug soundly with her umbrella, he ran off. She was my hero that night I tell you.

I think it also goes to show something else that is entirely appropriate, although heroes protect the weak, I think there is something inherently wrong with associating women with weakness, also examining some of those stories where the man saves the woman there is the danger of seeing women as prizes/property, and not active agents working against malignant forces in their own right (as fortunately happened in my own little adventure!). In short women can be heroic too.

Mengog · 15/12/2014 08:29

One of the key issues is a lot of men see violence as a part of life. E,g. I think back to when I started going to pubs and clubs in my late teens.

My friends never got into a fight. However, I would say each of us have been punched and a couple beat up on nights out. No one ever went to the police. It was seen as a occupational hazard.

As a Police officer I see it all the time. A couple of men have a fight and they see nothing wrong with it, they don't want the police, they don't see it as an issue.

Male on female violence is dealt with far more robustly. Mainly because the descion to prosecute, many a time, is taken out of the victims hands. Which makes things far easier for the police to deal with.

BuffyWithChristmasEarings · 15/12/2014 08:30

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BuffyWithChristmasEarings · 15/12/2014 08:33

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Dervel · 15/12/2014 14:56

Hmm actually I think you're probably right Buffy, I just had to delete several long winded paragraphs, which ultimately boil down to me realising I am not understanding what I am on about.

I've been intuitively aware there is something that is a barrier in female/male relations, and from my side of the fence the only thing I can reliably comment on is that it's there.

This one definately requires further thought and reflection.

BreakingDad77 · 15/12/2014 15:35

I thought often if a male finds out that his sister/daughter is getting knocked about they generally intervene?

So I wouldn't agree on a personal point but I would agree with the OP in terms of the general populace, though the same for women too.

Quick google search - white ribbons for domestic violence week - when was that? Cant remember any adverts, campaigns, work didn't make anything of it whereas say we have cake sales etc for cancer.

Surely women are hardly going to be showing their bruises etc to males as their partner has probably barred any male contact. Other women are going to be observing the changes in behavior, not wanting to come out to pool, odd make up concealing etc, aren't they are going to be the eyes and ears?

The challenge I have seen is do you stick with you friend as she keeps getting beaten 'because he loves me, and I love him' or do you bail on her as she wont go to police/you cant put up with it anymore?

LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 15/12/2014 15:37

Mengog, I have to point out that the men having a bit of a fight outside a pub are hardly in the same zone as women being raped and assaulted.

I've had this discussion with my dh a time or two - he has also been assaulted without provocation and had his nose broken. It is not the same thing as a sex attack. Sex attacks are closer to torture than simple fighting. You don't allow for the specific power elements involved in men, perceived as the stronger sex, attackng women, perceived as the weaker. Not to mention the intimate sexuality involved.

Do I also need to point out that most sexual crimes don't get reported because they are an occupational hazard - of just being, just being when you were born female. Not of going out: not of dressing in a certain way: not of acting according to certain stereotypes. Just being. That's one of the reasons I didn't report most of my problems. Do you have any idea what it is like to have to live with that?

LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 15/12/2014 15:58

See, I think this is the basic reason why some men don't care. They fundamentally don't grasp that there is a difference between a straight fair honest fight and the particular reasons and impacts of male onfemale violence.

I've been in both. I don't mind an honest fair fight. In fact given the stress and strains of my youth I sometimes wished someone would start one. Not a specific sexual attack though.

BuffyWithChristmasEarings · 15/12/2014 16:16

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LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 15/12/2014 17:48

yes I have also read that somewhere and it struck a chord. Can't immediately find it.

The personal betrayal in dv would play a part of course.

LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 15/12/2014 17:54

(Btw I am just a nc regular. Was going to find something festive but this popped into my head instead and wouldn't go away. Apropos of nothing)

BobbyDarin · 15/12/2014 22:06

I'd just like to point out that I'm not Bobby. Well, I am, but not the same one as the other Bobby.

BuffyWithChristmasEarings · 16/12/2014 08:22

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