Woman receives rape threats after recording sexual harassment walking New York streets

[Scarletohello]

Bloody hell!

Article and video here

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/oct/29/woman-records-10-hours-of-harassment-walking-through-new-york

scallops Absolutely, couldn't be any clearer could it?

It's a fine line. I met an ex by just approaching her in the street. I had seen her walking to work a few times and thought she was stunning, so I went for it.

I think shouting abuse or sexual comments is different. I can even see how an hello could be seen as intimidating, but you will never stop people saying it to others in the street.

It's not a fine line at all. You approached and spoke to that woman because you felt entitled to. That woman didn't ask you to, didn't approach you, yet you thought it was OK to speak to her. The fact she didn't mind is not testament that it is OK to do this sometimes, it's just that you were fortunate. Or maybe there was body language to suggest your approach would be welcome which is a very different scenario from the ones we are speaking of. Of course, she may have recognised you from walking to work. Again different scenario.

But you still didn't have to go and speak to her. Yet you did. Because you wanted to. Men approaching strange women in the street is all about what they want.

And generally strangers do not say hello to each other when walking past each other on a street. Unless you are like the only people around or out on a country walk or something similar. Context, as before, being everything.

Did you do what that creepy guy in the video did? Walk alongside her for 5 minutes while she gave you this look ? Tell us about your pick up tactics - which ones in the video did you use? Are you creepy? Sleazy? Mr Friendly? PUA? Mr What-time-is-it? Offer to take her out to lunch/dinner/a hotel? What's your MO?

She's an actress, the video was the idea of a man, who runs an advertising agency, I believe.
I wonder how many rape threats he's had.

The question I would all women who defends the men as being boring more than friendly is "how many men did toy say hello to in the street today? " there is a good chance it is none and had always been none. Women just don't do this because we know that it is rude and intrusive. That woman had no other women day Hello to her, just men. Womenare friendly too aren't they. Those men were not being friendly. They were trying to get in her pants. ... or cause her distress.

Sorry about typos. Bloody phone. ...

One thing I have noticed when I walk down the street, is how many men are looking me in the eye, vs how many women are. Women walk down the street trying not to catch the eyes of others, because they don't know where it will lead to. Men are hoping that the eye contact with women will go somewhere.

In response to mengog's point, it can be a fine line, depending on the context. Striking up a conversation in a pub or club, or even at a bus stop can be acceptable if you are able to read body language and responses. If a woman - or a man - makes it plain that they are not interested, then you have to be empathetic enough to know when to shut up and go away. Otherwise it is arse-holery of the highest order.

Heading down a street is more questionable. When she was your partner, did you ever discuss your behaviour? Did she find your approach intrusive? Would she have approached you in the same way, as she obviously found something about you attractive? If not, why not?

Mengog: you say she's an ex. Perhaps that is telling us something…..

That's a bit harsh isn't it, grimble? We don't really have any background here.

Surely Schroedinger's rapist fits here?

Can't link, sorry, various devices being ridiculous today.

To clarify we were together 3 years and it didn't work out.

In relation to my initial interaction, she was quite surprised when I spoke to her and little wary. The major plus points were I came across as friendly and she found me attractive.

She said she would never have approached me due to fear of rejection and it being a bit weird.

Yes Scallop I spoke to her because I wanted to. I thought she was stunning and I thought why not. Every relationship starts somewhere.

Also add I would not have approached her if she was alone at night. The day I did speak to her she was with a friend, which I think helped, as they both found it a bit funny.

I live in the country so it is totally normal to say hello to strangers male or female, if you are the only people there.

It's not the same as saying hello to someone you have seen around quite a few times, which can be neighbourly/friendly etc
It's not the same as trying to get chatting to women in an urban area either. You aren't likely to see them again, you don't know anything about them (bar their looks) you are presuming that your abs whoever many other men's mightaswellhaveatry is more important than her need to just get where she is going. It's a repeated demand on her time that men don't have to deal with.

*and however

Sorry Mengog, that's not a cool thing to do. I mean, it's not sex crime of the century, and as luck has it it (sort of) had a happy ending, but more often than not what you did would come across as threatening. Would you do it again?

She said she would never have approached me due to fear of rejection and it being a bit weird.

Do people here think it's weird for women to approach men in the way that Mengog approached his ex?

What she wanted didn't really come into it though, did it Mengog?

Relationships don't have to start by interrupting strangers on the street going about their daily business.

Yes NoJacket, it would be weird. And potentially extremely dangerous.

True Scallop they don't - but this one did.

I had no idea what she wanted. True. I'm glad I went and spoke to her though. Good things came from it.

I probably wouldn't do it again. Happily married now, so unlikely in any event.

Also I did instantly acknowledge the social awkwardness of the whole thing. It was quite cheesy but she said I came across as sincere and sweet. I think it's different to shouting "nice ass".

Mengog hasn't said how he approached her.

An apologetic "I'm really sorry and I feel a bit odd doing this, but I think you're beautiful and here's my number if you want to meet for a drink, please don't be weirded out" said in a goofy way with apologetic body language is very different from a "Hey babe, you're gorgeous, here's my number, let's make out sometime."

Mengog actually seems to be coming from a different place. The men in the video are intimidating women because they can and because they want to intimidate women, not because they think the woman is attractive and a potential mate or date, because that modus operandii obviously is not going to entice any woman to want to spend time with them.

Sorry -X post

Is there anything about Mengog's assessment of the situation - daylight, busy street, his ex with a friend, him alone (guessing here tbf) that suggests that he was empathetic in this situation? Or is this always, always a bad idea regardless?

I am asking because I have been married for many years, and am no longer aware of social conventions re approaching someone in these circumstances.

My husband said she wouldn't be hassled as many times in London as Americans are more outgoing. What do you think?