Please help me come to terms with my anger

[Pepperwitheverything]

I have a son and two daughters and I have a husband whom I love and cherish. BUT.... Right now I feel angry at men and I hate them SO much! All the harm they do to women and children? I HATE them.

But, I hate hating them. I feel angry and nasty and how just like one of those awful men must feel. Please help me get over this. I keep waiting for the resigned stage to set in but it never does. Almost two years later, I still feel filled with anger and rage towards men...and I HATE that.

Two years later than what?

Since I found this board!

I can't offer you any solutions. I am having one of my peaks of anger tonight about a particular topic. I can offer you a hand to hold?

Thank you Puffins. Yes a hand to hold will do very nicely, thank you!!!

It is hard as when you start seeing it, it is everywhere and impossible to turn off

I have two daughters and I feel the same.
My DH, dad and DH are all lovely, cool men but so many aren't.

In fact I had a convo with my 12 yr old dd tonight about how to deal with unwanted attention from men as she has started going out and about by herself/with friends. She asked me 'yes mummy but why would men come and ask me if I am ok or if I want to talk to them?' And I had to say because men are dicks, lots are not, but lots are.
So we agreed that if anyone did harass her then she should say 'bye' or run away! No ideal but so etching to work with. She is feisty but I am concerned.

Having said all that, I am pretty happy generally! I don't hate most men, just the few who are shitheads.

Yeah I'm with Puffins too and have rage as well tonight. The 'debators' and the 'devils advocates' and those taking the piss out of women & women's oppression can fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more.

Have the men in your family done anything specifically to make you hate them or is it men in general you hate at the moment?

Also bear in mind that you get a skewed version of reality if you frequent these forums too often. Wronged people come here specifically so they can talk about the fact their husband/partner has done x, y and z - which can leave you with the impression that half the male population of Britain are arseholes - when in fact it's probably only about 45% :)

Good post, Buffy.

Feeling angry all the time can be a very toxic state for you to be in OP. Not very nice for you, I am assuming. If you are of the mind to read personal development type books, may I suggest a really good one? The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer is a great book in the vein of 'mindfulness', which is a bit of s buzzword atm.

Remember that book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"??? Well that book tells you not to sweat the small stuff, but it doesn't tell you how. The Untethered Soul tell you how . It helped/allowed me to recognise that bad things/sexism/misogyny/etc, but not to react emotionally or psychologically to them, thus letting you get on with life.

HTH

I don't really understand this hating of a whole gender, partly because it seems a bit like hating all French people, or all homosexuals. How many men do you actually know that you really hate? For me it's none. And I avoid hating people that I have never met just because the Daily Mail or whatever pushes unreliable information about them. I'm not stupid and I know that men have been responsible for a lot of terrible things, both on an individual level and at whole population levels, but I can't translate that into a general hatred for their sex. Actually I think it should be "hate the player based on what they have done, don't hate the game". Because the game is life.

If you truely hate almost half the population on the basis of a forum then I think you have to get your head sorted to be honest. Thank God most women don't think like you!

I'll wager you have too much time on your hands. Do what most of us do and apply objectivity for fucks sake!

I spoke to my counsellor about this too. She asked me to talk about the men in my life that I loved and liked. I was able to tall about many men I had known who were genuine kind funny generous and who were honest. These men didn't want anything from me just friendship. They were brothers uncles work mates bosses and friends and lovers. They were all good. I really didn't hate all men after all.

Ok Buffy if we're staying with the metaphor, how about hating the rules, not the game or the players?

Why shouldn't we hate the game?

Hmm. I think because as I said before, for me the game is life and we're all playing. If we try to change the rules that seems more positive to me than just leaving the game. But of course this is all bollocks!!

I don't see the game as life. The game is patriarchy. And I don't think your analogy to gating the French or hating homosexuals works either. Neither of those groups oppress us.

'gating the French', now that would be odd!

But surely half the French and half of homosexuals are men? What you've said makes no sense.

It does make sense. Honestly!

Men as a class oppress women as a class.

French people as a class don't oppress British people as a class.

Homosexuals as a class don't oppress women as a class.

Makes perfect sense.

Oh, and NAMALT &c