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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Amal Alamuddin has changed her name professionally

490 replies

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 14/10/2014 07:12

I'm actually disappointed. Her choice blah blah but honestly. Successful women who change their names professionally always strike me as either stupid or coerced and I'm sure that's unfair I'm not really but honestly why be so committed to the concept of the obliteration of the unmarried self that you allow it to impact on your professional reputation and renown?

OP posts:
PuffinsAreFicticious · 14/10/2014 22:26

I love these debates. The exact same things get said in every single one of them:

  1. I wanted to be a 'team' with my DH, we could only do that if we shared a name. Nope.

  2. There are bigger things to worry about. Yup, but hey, let's occasionally have a day off from the spandex and muse on how the personal is political.

  3. Feminism is about choice. Nope, it's about women's liberation from patriarchy. The outcome of this will be women being able to make choices in a free and equitable society, but until then, all choices made by women are made in the context of patriarchy, which isn't altogether friendly to women.

  4. You burn the bra bastards are bastards.... love this one. If I burned my bra, the earth would tilt on it's axis.

  5. It's my father's name. Nope, it's your name, it just happens to be the same as your father's. It's as much your father's name as your husband's name was his father's name.

  6. If we carry on double barreling children's names, then it's going to get stupid, what if they marry a child with a double barreled name, will they have a quadruple barreled one? . Erm, nope, I suspect that they will choose their own versions of their own names, I find this one really strange, almost like people with double barreled names must be incredibly stupid. in the poster's opinion

  7. I hated my name, and DH's was so nice etc etc. With some glaring examples otherwise.... why do we never hear of men who HATE their surname so much that they just HAVE to take their wife's name on marriage?

Always the same. Always.

Original poster
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 14/10/2014 22:30

Like ^

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 14/10/2014 22:42

Oh I agree that the personal is the political. We all make choices that impact on the range of choices available to other women, and this is one for sure. Owing to my own issues (which are somewhat more complex than wanting to be a "team" with DH), I have chosen to prioritise others.

I do find it somewhat odd to be told that I am assuming my husband's identity and destroying my own, because identity and the factors which influence our sense of it are surely not the same for everyone.

Smartiepants79 · 14/10/2014 22:46

Why can't women accept other women's choices as being their own free choices just because they are different to the choice that the other person would have made?
I'm an educated, intelligent woman. I chose to change my name when I married. It was what I wanted. No one else has the right to tell me otherwise.
My identity is a damn sight more complex than my name or my career. Changing my name did not change who I am and it's ridiculous to suggest otherwise. My name shows I'm part of my family and I'm very, very happy with that.

Looklively · 14/10/2014 22:47

OMG... Seriously? Are you really getting your knickers in a feminist twist over what some trophy wife did (or didn't do) about her last name?? Honest to god why do you even CARE when it's blatantly obvious that it's all a sham anyway?! I personally think you might be taking this all a teensy bit too seriously. And for the record I don't appreciate being patronised by those amongst you who seem to think that because you've read up on the subject and are fully subscribed to the feminist ideal that somehow that gives you the right to preach to the rest of us. I'm glad I live in a free society where we as women have the right to choose to live our lives as we please, and to observe whichever customs or cultural practices that we so desire. If you have a problem with that then that's your issue - go deal with it.

PuffinsAreFicticious · 14/10/2014 22:52

I'm glad I live in a free society where we as women have the right to choose to live our lives as we please, and to observe whichever customs or cultural practices that we so desire.

That sounds like an amazing place to live. Where is it?

Lottapianos · 14/10/2014 22:54

Great post Puffins

But oh look, here's Looklively, another great voice of reason, to tell us that we're taking it all too seriously and no doubt overthinking it all and life would be so much simpler if we just totally didn't care about anything ever. If you think so little and have so little to say, why are you on a discussion board???

Original poster
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 14/10/2014 22:54

Trophy wife?

-------->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> .

See that? It's the point, whizzing over your head.

OP posts:
PetulaGordino · 14/10/2014 22:57

I love it when people intend "feminist" as an insult

Where do they think they got all these rights and increased choices from?

DunedinSunshine · 14/10/2014 23:04

where we as women have the right to choose to live our lives as we please, and to observe whichever customs or cultural practices that we so desire

Yeah, where is this place? I would like to visit. But I think time travel might be involved.

snapple · 14/10/2014 23:06

I kept my own name. However I let my children have their father name - so my husband. I wish I had passed on my name - however it is too late to rectify it.

I am surprised she changed her name.

I got married 12 years ago but people still thought it was strange that I kept my name???

itsbetterthanabox · 14/10/2014 23:14

Applauding Puffins

itsbetterthanabox · 14/10/2014 23:16

Smartiepants if it is just a free choice then why is it nearly always women changing their names? Surely if it were free choice with no societal pressure there'd be more men changing their names or people keeping their own surely?

LittleBearPad · 14/10/2014 23:27

I'm talking about Amal because she's a high profile woman with a successful career. That's why it's so inexplicable to me. Married SAHMs don't have the same consequences to name changing

Her career will be as successful regardless of changing her name, she won't be diffucult to find!

And if you don't believe women should change their name then you shouldn't differentiate between high profile women with successful careers and SAHM's.

PuffinsAreFicticious · 14/10/2014 23:29

Petula Maybe Santa brought them?

Let's hope he brings more this year Grin

TheFallenMadonna · 14/10/2014 23:29

Of course it's not a completely free choice. Any more than it's a free choice for women to choose to stay at home with the children. Or for women to work part time while their partner works full time. Etc etc.

But the people who are saying it might be responding perhaps to the coercion comment. Which is stronger than the societal norm/pressure idea.

YonicScrewdriver · 14/10/2014 23:39

"And if you don't believe women should change their name then you shouldn't differentiate between high profile women with successful careers and SAHM's"

It's not distinguishing on a philosophical basis; there are practical implications to a professional changing their name mid career (for whatever reason ) that are lessened for an SAHP.

LittleBearPad · 14/10/2014 23:44

Bollocks Yonic there are very few (any?) women for whom a name change will damage their careers.

Any emails sent to my old email address are still received by me. My contact details are the same. You seriously think that someone would say 'well she changed her name, I'm not employing her...'

LittleBearPad · 14/10/2014 23:47

Have philosophical objections by all means but they exist equally for all women.

YonicScrewdriver · 15/10/2014 00:00

Have you stayed at the same place of work since you were married?

YonicScrewdriver · 15/10/2014 00:00

"Have philosophical objections by all means but they exist equally for all women."

Yes, I agree, wasn't that clear?

YonicScrewdriver · 15/10/2014 00:06

If it's bollocks, why do some women put their birth surnames in brackets on their linked in profiles?

LittleBearPad · 15/10/2014 00:13

Their networks can't be very strong if they have to put their maiden names in brackets. A decent contact would know you had changed your name as they'd be talking to you regularly.

YonicScrewdriver · 15/10/2014 00:17

Sorry for multiple post but here is how a conversation in my industry might go:

"I had coffee with Jane Smith yesterday."
"Oh yeah, she used to work at ABC, she's great, very thorough."
"Really? Good, thanks, I might have something coming up for her."

Or:
"I had coffee with Jane Jones yesterday."
"Did you? Don't think I know her.... Anyway, whaddya think of XYZ ltd?"

Original poster
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 15/10/2014 06:23

Have philosophical objections by all means but they exist equally for all women

I do, absolutely. However I was talking about a high profile, professional woman whose name is linked to their renown and reputation. I find this even more difficult to understand than why a SAHM might change her name.
As yonic illustrates above, names and professional reputation are linked. That's why most barristers don't change their name professionally, nor do actors, or academics, or many other professions. For me, it would be entirely different if she had chosen to be called mrs clooney in her personal life but kept alamuddin professionally. It just seems...subservient to do it so publicly. I don't know whether she was coerced (or bullied, or 'persuaded', or whatever word is more palatable) and she probably wasn't, but it doesn't sit right with me.

OP posts: