Manshake

[Quax]

I have always hated shaking hands. It's such a masculine thing to do. I would honestly rather hug someone than shake their hand.

These were unexpressed thoughts before I met Mr Handbreak.

Seriously, I have moved away from him now, but how do you deal with a man that wants to keep shaking your hand in order to crush it and cause you pain?

Everytime I think of how I've cringed and buckled at the knees and then said "that hurts" fills me with rage. I wish i had used my left hand to punch him in the throat.

Has anyone else experienced Mr Handbreak?

I prefer a handshake to a hug, I feel really uncomfortable being pushed in to hugging strangers.

Not experienced "Mr hand break" I tend to make an effort to give a strong handshake (It's like a personal pride thing).. But if someone actually tried to hurt me, I can't think of a more appropriate response than saying "that hurts". I'd also follow up with "what the fuck is wrong with you". No one one accidentally hurts someone while shaking their hand. That's not a "strong handshake".

I hate shaking hands too - I'm quite happy meeting new people without going through that rigmarole

It just reinforces that the "normal" way to behave in business is masculine behaviour

Why is shaking hands seen as masculine behaviour?

In a previous life I would shake hands a lot because it is the "done thing" when conducting business.

I much prefer a handshake to the dreaded kissing people I hardly know. Nasty. And men don't kiss each other but both women and men kiss women as a greeting.

I don't see shaking hands as masculine either, and much prefer it to a hug, which to me is for close friends and family only. My only real bug bear is kissing, especially the European double kiss!

Don't know what I'd do if someone hurt me when shaking hands, it's not something I've ever really come across. I guess I'd keep my hand by my side after the first couple of times and try a Japanese style nod instead.

It's the "done thing" because men shake hands (historically to show they come unarmed), and men have defined what is normal behaviour in the business world through their domination of it.

Men do kiss each other as a normal form of greeting in some European countries.

I'm afraid I prefer a handshake to a hug. The owner of a restaurant I was at the other night forced a hug on me (I don't know him) and I hated it. Any gesture can be turned into a more aggressive act if someone wants it to be

Mr Handbreak sounds like he wants to intimidate deliberately

"and men have defined what is normal behaviour in the business world through their domination of it."

So what would you suggest women do instead? Just greet someone and tell them you don't shake hands on principle?

Sometimes I shake hands, sometimes I don't. I certainly don't go out of my way to initiate a round of handshakes in the way that some of my colleagues do

How about we just greet people Bunbaker?

Mr Handbreak was a total knob and he absolutely intended to hurt me (and other women who he shook hands with) to show his dominance and masculinity (sigh)

But it would look rude if someone offered their hand to shake and you just looked disdainfully at it or you put your hands behind your back or you just say you don't shake hands..

I agree it is a bit of a minefield. I just follow the lead of the other person.

When you get mr handbrake take Eddie Izzards advice and scream or go limp. Squeezy hand death man!

Mr Handbreak was a total knob and he absolutely intended to hurt me (and other women who he shook hands with) to show his dominance and masculinity (sigh)

How about a knee to the groin , or would that be considered bad form?

Honestly, I hate men like this, and am glad that I have never met one. On a psychological level, displays like this directed towards women are because he feels lesser than most men, and so displays his dominance to women. He probably feels that women are the only group he can dominate, and thinks they are the 'weaker sex'. This sort of inferiority-superiority complex plays havoc with your self esteem, and is not a good indicator for this guy having good relationships with men or women. His relationships with men will likely be of the sucking-up, I'm-not-as-good-as-you variety, while his relationships with women will be more of the patriarchal, put-women-in-their-place and tell-them-they-are-wrong. Ugly, not matter how you look at it.

Fist bumps is what you need.

Much more unisex. Less masculine than handbreaks. Less feminine than hugz. Can be used on anyone without them feeling pressured in any way.

This bloke is a knob.

If the standard greeting was a hug, he'd squeeze too hard or brush your boob or something.

I have never considered a handshake masculine. In the same way I have never considered work environments to be inherently masculine because men dominate them. Rather, I consider them get another thing that men find ways to exclude women from.

I shake hands. Nothing annoys me more than someone refusing to shake my hand - either because it's a man who just doesn't think to shake he hand of a woman or a woman who is clearly just uncomfortable with hand handshaking.

It's a well accepted form of greeting in western, and in fact in many other cultures too.

Having said that, people who try to dominate on handshakes are just dicks. I haven't really experienced this myself but I know men find it with other men quite often.

A bit unrelated, but I hate family/social goodbyes. I stress over whether I should offer a hug or not; or a cheek kiss or whatever. Can't people just say bye and leave!! Sometimes I dread days meeting people just because I know I'm going to stress all day about saying goodbye to them ....

I make sure i push my hand into theirs between thumb and forefinger, then they can't squeeze as hard

I would rather poke my eyes out than hug most people, certainly anyone less than CLOSE friends or family.

Handshakes all round with me.

For angry mr handcrusher I would ask loudly and directly, "why are you trying to hurt me?"

I've just realised that my bil does this, I think. Not to me, because I've never needed to shake his hand. But I know he hurt my elderly father a couple of times with his bone crushing hand shake. Obviously that's not sexist, since it's another man, but it is very clearly a weaker man, since he is elderly and frail.
My bil is a bit sexist (eg doesn't wear a wedding ring but doesn't like his wife not wearing hers) but at the same time, aside from that he is not generally disrespectful or bullying, he doesn't put his wife down or criticise, he doesn't mansplain or talk over women.

I sort of don't want to believe that he does the handshake intentionally to hurt and yet reading this thread makes me suddenly think 'but how could he hurt someone by accident? He is a tiny little man, not someone who is so muscular that he doesn't know his own strength'.

Overbearing handshakes are alpha male willy waving, no?

Handshakes are definitely masculine. Male members of families (especially in this culture) tend to greet with handshakes rather than hugs. They are also used by men in a secret squirrely kind of way through organisations such as the Freemasons and Scout movement.

And I've never had a hand-breaking handshake off a woman, only men.

I am with you OP on just doing away with handshakes altogether as it can descend into some kind of competition. But as with others I would feel very uncomfortable accepting a hug off someone I don't know.

I've never had the over-squeeze (although DP has - he coped, then decided not to employ the guy), I have had both the hand on top thing (technique for showing dominance), the putting my hand on top (to make me think I was the one in control apparently), and the one I hate - the shake and elbow/upper-arm squeeze (for faux concern/friendliness).

Actually, each time it was not because of the action itself, but because I could see they were using it as a learned technique to try and put me in a certain frame of mind for their benefit.

I wouldn't want hugs, but I don't mind european kisses from actual Europeans, or people who are genuinely friendly.