Through a rapist's eyes

[EElisavetaofBelsornia]

A friend has just posted this on Facebook - 'advice' to women on avoiding rape. The usual gobshite about dark car parks and stairwells, with some other alarmist claptrap about rapists pretending to be old or injured and asking for help. Apparently to avoid being raped you should not wear heels, not have long hair, not use a phone, a supermarket car park or public toilet, not wear clothing which is "easy to remove" not sit in your car, get in the passenger side...oh fuck it, better stay at home under a blanket then. Infuriates me. I have responded with statistics about levels of stranger rape, statistics on male assaults on males and the fact that it's only women who are advised to confine their behaviour and blamed if they don't. Plus a couple of swear words.

Delete your friend and ignore the inane ignorance he/she(?) is spouting.

The original post is by a man, my 'friend' - work colleague of my sister posted it in that 'helpful advice' way. I could ignore and delete, but it feels more useful to give some facts as to why this is misogyny disguised as caring first. And then delete her, for her views on immigration as much as this...

Send them this instead happyplace.someecards.com/reminders/poster-explains-how-to-not-rape/

Which has the only ways in which people can stop rape.

I've seen that advice post passed on a lot. The thing is, how should we know, how should the average women know, what's proper advice or not?

I have seen that very one, or one similar to it, years ago before facebook on an email that got circulated.

The one that I found most fucking ridiculous was "don't have long hair". WTF? So if all women had short hair no-one would be raped? Plus long hair is seen as a desirable asset in our society - women aren't going to read that and have their hair all cut off are they. And then if a man rapes them - well it's been put in their brain that maybe they could have done something.

Fuckwittery of the most enormous magnitude.

Don't know what you should do about it though sorry! But just wanted to give my strong agreement to your reaction.

that was posted on my timeline today. Very annoying and insulting to the intelligence. thank you puffin I have just shared that how not to rape poster :-)

as far as how to recognise good advice, as a general rule I assume most round robin style posts on fb are made up bollocks.

I started a thread last week about something similar - in this case it was urban myths about eg a child pretending to be lost and needing taken home, whereupon of you did so you would be abducted and gang raped.

I think it's the 'misogyny disguised as concern' that annoys me most.

Thing about that one treacle is that the aim is to discourage women from helping lost children.

Why would someone start something like that?

Who does start these things generally, and why?

In addition to the main aim which is to remind women that they are prey and must never forget it, I mean.

I'm pretty sure that they're all soundly debunked on snopes - I'd point them there (like I do for the other rubbish that gets spouted).

If anyone is foolish enough to post such a thing on FB where I will see it, I will respond. (Haven't looked at it for a couple of days, as I'm away from home and don't do FB on my phone.)

Can you imagine the outrage if every man in Australia from today was sent emails telling him the steps he should take to avoid being beheaded by a terrorist? People would go insane if men were told to follow these kinds of suggestions (and rightly so) but it is exactly the same principle. Why are women expected to live their lives like this?

Rape can happen anywhere. It can be a person who you trust it isn't necessarily going to happen in a dark place what is that woman talking about.

NickandNora I'll be using that response next time some fuckwit comes up with this type of 'advice', nice one!

The title of this thread is "through a rapist's eyes". Are you really calling your "friend" a rapist?

This video might be a good riposte to any of these "how to avoid having a man rape you" advice.

Definitely link to the snopes info on that one it's very good and unravels each point individually.

Then delete the friend.

Just, vena is a new visitor.

This type of fearmongering does work on me though
I worry about my safety and the safety of female family members and friends.

Are there any actual useful tips for women and girls?
If most attacks happen with people we know, wtf do we do? There is no women only island for us to live on.

From snopes.com

The e-mail did contain one bit of valuable advice: Stay aware of your surroundings. Not only is it important to see trouble coming before it gets to you and avoid it, but an alert stance can help discourage a would-be attacker. Those looking to prey upon others — whether their aim is robbery, rape, or mayhem — generally choose as victims those who appear preoccupied or tentative in preference to those who exude a sense of purpose. Or, as I was told long ago, "Always look like you know exactly where you're going and move like you're expected to be there at exactly a certain time." Mooning about aimlessly can make you a statistic.

So women can't relax in public or dawdle around then? It'll make you a statistic? Oh fuck this.

Are there any actual useful tips for women and girls?

If you never have a male partner your chances of being beaten, raped or murdered are reduced significantly. Funnily enough women are never given the one bit of advice that is actually effective.

I wonder what advice they have for the 7 victims i am currently looking after that were under 10 when they were raped by family members

One of whom tried to kill herself today