Through a rapist's eyes

[EElisavetaofBelsornia]

A friend has just posted this on Facebook - 'advice' to women on avoiding rape. The usual gobshite about dark car parks and stairwells, with some other alarmist claptrap about rapists pretending to be old or injured and asking for help. Apparently to avoid being raped you should not wear heels, not have long hair, not use a phone, a supermarket car park or public toilet, not wear clothing which is "easy to remove" not sit in your car, get in the passenger side...oh fuck it, better stay at home under a blanket then. Infuriates me. I have responded with statistics about levels of stranger rape, statistics on male assaults on males and the fact that it's only women who are advised to confine their behaviour and blamed if they don't. Plus a couple of swear words.

NickandNora a FB friend posted exactly this 'advice' and I responded with your comment, haven't deleted her though cos she's a friend of my mum's

I reported the advice to FB. If course, they didn't delete it as it didn't break guidelines but would love it if it was reported over and over!

truffle

you ok ?

Yes, it makes sense. But if you do venture to a "dark place" on your own and get raped, would it be your own fault ?

Rape myth, MP, though congratulations on being slightly less offensive than your first post.

85_90% of rapes are by men known to the victim; vanishingly few are dark alley rapes. So shall we ban women forming relationships with men as it's "obviously something to be avoided"?

Classy nickname, by the way.

Ooh, speedy tonight MNHQ!

Oh my Christ, that was quick ! I felt my hair blown back with the speed of that swooping delete button

Just a link to We Believe you

@AnyFucker

Oh my Christ, that was quick ! I felt my hair blown back with the speed of that swooping delete button

Je Suis BACK.

Ah, Olivia. I missed you.

I feel massively safer walking home in the dark. And I make sure I walk the back roads home (in town). Am I weird? It makes sense because no fucker can see me.

I'm OK thanks, AF. I have been in the police for 10 years now and while you feel as if you cannot hear anything that will shock you any more, some days somehing happens that just takes you off guard. Her Mum phoned me from the hospital, absolutely in pieces. It's a dreadful case, obvs can't go into details but the impact has been huge.

At least i can go home and compartmentalise it, know i did my best to help and eventually the case will be dealt with and that will be it for me. The victims never get to leave it behind

to you, truffle

Truffle, you are a star.

Thanks, Just, you are right. The troll made me overly cross and underly correct

I think Ted Bundy or some other famous serial killer did do the whole pretending to be helpless thing to lure women to him. I think Myra Hindley and Ian Brady did something similar as well. But yeah, the chances of being approached by a serial killer pretending to be injured must be pretty low. I actually had a man in a car pull up beside me once and ask me to help him. This was at 2am at the age of 19 walking down a deserted road. I obviously ignored him, figuring that if he genuinely needed help why would he be asking a young girl walking down the road on her own? Thankfully he drove off so I had a lucky escape as he could have easily bundled me into his car.

Anyway, I know someone who has worked with sex offenders and murderers for a long time. She's not a qualified psychologist so this is all in her own opinion based on her work, but she said to me that stranger rape in particular has absolutely nothing to do with the woman and everything to do with the man seeking to exert power and control over somebody and their hatred for women. She said they normally have some woman in their lives they're seeking vengeance against, often their mother, and they target any woman or a woman they think they can easily control. She told me about one man who had real problems with his mother and after she died he went out and raped a load of strangers out of frustration and anger towards her. So wearing high heels and having long hair had nothing to do with it, he would have attacked these women regardless. Avoiding dark alleyways is probably good advice for women AND men who don't want to be mugged but for rape? Probably doesn't make much difference.

Your friend has worked with sex offenders for a long time? In what capacity?

There are lots of jobs working directly with sex offenders. Police officers in Public Protection Units monitor people on the register, disclosing to employers, new partners etc, it's most effective when they can build a working relationship with the offender. Probation Officers do the programme work to reduce likelihood of re offending, and assess current levels of risk. For under 18s, there are specialist agencies who do the programme work, often in prisons. There are clinical psychologists who look at causal factors and therapeutic interventions. I work in a related area, I've done some of this but not a great deal. I respect those who do, they are the ones making society safer for all of us, not scaremongering tossers on social media.

Thanks EE, that's quite comprehensive! I worked for a while in a prison, some of which time was spent with sex offenders. I was just wondering in what capacity the pp's friend worked with them.