A man at work said this today. Would you do anything about it if it was you?

[DontPutMeDownForCardio]

Two men at work were having a discussion about something we will be having a meeting about. They're on one side of the debate, I'm on the other. One of them said to the other "she only says that because she is grumpy. Slip her two of your horse pills and put a smile on her face. " in front of me and a few other people. he had already made a comment about whether me and my dp had stayed up all night having sex because I said I was tired. The pills comment has shocked me - normally i shrug banter off but this is an awful thing to say and its stuck with me (I'm not saying it's banter btw). Lots of other people around and nobody quite knew what to say so nobody said anything. Apparently he has form for comments to other female colleagues. He seemed such an affable nice old chap. Would you do anything about it? If so, what?

Disgusting

I also understood this as referring to ketamine and rape

He sounds completely sickening, please complain if you are at all able

Good for you arranging the meeting.

He has basically said it is OK for someone to drug and assault you then called you are really bad name.

If anyone suggests it is a joke ask him if it would be OK to suggest someone only thought something because of the colour of their skin.

It is him who is the problem, not you.

This is not banter, this is demeaning, threatening language and has no place anywhere but particularly in the work place.

Would you have tolerated the dirty bitch comment before you were promoted? Oddly, I don't think they would have made it. My take on this is that they are testing the boundaries to see if they can force you to put them down, putting you on the back foot for having to assert your authority over long term colleagues. It's about undermining your power.

The dirty bitch comment actually turns my stomach. I really dislike this man.

If the dirty bitch comment hadn't come a day after the other one I don't know if I would have made a big deal of it. There's a general sexist air in the office and women just put up with it. Lots of objectification. Someone else was jokingly referred to as a bitch by a third man today. I did call him out on it but he just laughed. I think you're right tribpot- the meeting went really badly because I was on the back foot. I will be asking the managers to address this attitude as a whole - I don't care if it makes me unpopular.

Ive set up the meeting for the first opportunity next week.

I've put up with this kind of crap in the past because I was either young, new or caught off guard. Even though years ago I still remember the instances clearly and so wish I had said something. I hate how they silence you by making you feel you are a troublemaker, drama queen, no sense of humour etc. Bastards.

If the dirty bitch comment hadn't come a day after the other one I don't know if I would have made a big deal of it.

Christ, really? That is a very damning statement about the state of your workplace. A manager at one of mine once called me a manipulative bitch - this was after a large amount of booze on a night out, and I was contractor at the time. I had him banned from the client site. (Admittedly this was more than I had really hoped for and was more about managers settling scores with each other but I played merry hell about it).

If the culture is as fucked up as you suggest, DontPutMeDown, you're going to have a bloody great battle on your hands to make any improvements.

Cardio, that is awesome!!!! Well done. Preparation and confidence is the magic combination when it comes to interviews. You are doing women a world of good.

..AND meetings, I meant to add.

There's a general sexist air in the office and women just put up with it.

Why? It's not 1970.

There's a general sexist air in the office and women just put up with it.

Why? It's not 1970.

Because the company hires sexist arseholes. In any organisation, nice managers replicate/promote nice people into management, arseholes replicate arseholes into management. I fear that you might have an uphill battle OP, as tribpot said.

They sound like they are trying to undermine you / intimidate you.

I would also take the initial comment as a threat to drug / rape.

My Mum (very wise, psychologist) has a strategy of acting a little bit deaf, and innocently saying 'I didn't catch that, what did you say?' It forces them to either repeat it (and look like a twat) or to mumble 'oh nothing', (and look like a twat).

Make sure you keep good notes of what was aid, and who else was there at the time.

Have you had the meeting yet?

I'm just as shocked that a poster up thread told you to "let it go"

Wtf?

Misread - the poster actually wrote "Don't just let it go".

Oh yes. Sorry!

I've had the meeting. She didn't try and minimise. She said she will raise it with him and said I am not the first one to complain.

Well done.

Well done!

What did she say when you explained what he had said? How did she react?

Good to hear. As a followup, I would ask what plan they have in place to ensure that this sort of sexist crap does not come out of this man's mouth ever again. However, weren't there 2 different comments by 2 different men? Or were both comments by the same man?

Hurrah! Well done OP. We really do need to stand up and say that this is not acceptable behaviour. I am really impressed you have done it.

I'd have torn him a new one. In public. Twat.