Justifying long term SAHM to DDs?

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I have a few friends who, because their DHs are high (6 figure) earners, are able to be SAHMs, and have no intention of ever returning to work. These women are all at least degree educated and previously had successful careers.

I just wonder, in such a situation, how a long term SAHM encourages her DD to realise her academic/career potential, if the example she sets is that her education is only a short term requirement until she meets a high earning man?

I'm not trying to start a bun fight, I'm genuinely interested. My own mother is university educated, and has always worked in some capacity, successfully managing her own businesses with being the main carer, and encouraged me to be financially independent.

Personally, I feel I have invested too many years, and too much money, in my education and career to give it up forever after only 10-15 years. I like to think I am setting a good example to my DD that career and family are not mutually exclusive.

So how does a long term SAHM reconcile this? Am I thinking too simplistically?

I cant really blame the nursery for not bringing mine up Dh and I are good enough to manage to drag them on our own as we have spent the last 3 hours lying on the floor like beached whales playing mario whilst the kids sit on us.

I'm still supporting flexible working. I'm at home but not chained to the fecking sink! Dh still avails himself to all rights as/when able. How again are we not participating?

Not at all Mrscrips- it is scarlett who is suggesting that childcarers don't play a part in bringing up children, not me.

Why snotty over nursery? Do older children not use school?

I find it deeply ironic that I have just used up 2 days annual leave to do some volunteer work with teenagers. Or maybe I just imagined it, as apparently women who work put nothing into the community.....

Parents bring up children combusti
if they are at work they are still bringing up a family.

Childcare workers - do just that -care for children when their parents are at work.

"apparently women who work put nothing into the community." and this was said by...............? Noone. Except that little voice in your head.

combusti you are being very rude. You're just as offensive as MmeMorrible was earlier. Why? What does it acheive?

ithak no-one is saying that at all, and hats off to you.

The point that was made is that SAHPs often do a lot of volunteer work to support the community, so SAHPs are participants in society and not, as Scottishmummy inferred when she said,

My individual act of working ft has sociopolitical impact.it drives need for nursery and Afterschool
Conversely housewife not working has sociopolitical impact,meaning some women are nonparticipative and lost to workforce*

I think, as women, we have to be careful, not to take offense when someone vindicates their own choice, which being different from your own, does not automatically mean they are criticizing your choice.

ithaka No-one said that

Oops X post with capsium - well summarised

And one of my choices is to volunteer - I am the sort of person who get involved and that would be my personality regardless of my employment status.

My DH would never, ever, ever volunteer for anything. That is his personality, regardless of his employment status (he actually works less hours than me).

So can we please separate community work/volunteering from whether you work outside the home or not. There is absolutely no connection between employment status and likelihood to volunteer, it is entirely dependent on your personality and values.

ithaka The connection between volunteer work and paid work was mentioned because both can support the community outside the nuclear family. It was inferred that SAHPs do nothing to support the community and are 'nonparticipative', which is incorrect as a generalization.

..so I could as easily say, in the same vein as yourself ithaka,

So can we please separate contributing back to society from whether you work outside the home or not. There is absolutely no connection between employment status and likelihood to contribute back to society, it is entirely dependent on your personality and values.

I hope you are addressing scottish, ithaka; She was the one who made a connection between employment status and 'participation'

I always love the fact that SAHPs think they are the only ones that volunteer so society can't function without them Every helper, governor and PTA member we have at school works bar one who is retired. It's got nothing to do with employment status but down to the individual.

It is always quite clear on these threads and in rl, who felt like they actually chose their path and who may have been made to pick an option they weren't entirely happy with.

The ones who have truly chosen, themselves, and were able and enabled to prioritise their want (to return to work ft, pt or to sah) - they are the people who seem to be less defensive or aggressive about their position.

Generally it is the people who feel a bit cheated one way or another who feel attacked, undermined or vilified in some way. (eg those who wish they could have more time with children or as part of the home away from work, or conversely those who wish they had some sort of work or life separate to home or children).

Just my rambling thoughts really, but the shitty comments from both sides can get repetitive and annoying imo - there's really no need.

The advantage that SAHPs and retirees have as volunteers Happy is that they are more likely to be available for the type of community volunteering that has to be done during standard working hours. That is all. No-one said working people don't volunteer.

Scarlett Gosh, which one am I? I wanted to be a SAHP a long time before DC, tbh and am content with my choice.

However when my DC was only offered part time schooling because of SEN and I was 'required' by the CT to 'volunteer' for trips etc, because they were not confident managing my DC, even through there was a TA fully funded through my DC's Statement, when I 'volunteered' i looked after a group of children, I did feel put upon rather. Also when other parents who worked used to keep saying 'What do you do all day?', or make barbed comments if I did not volunteer for things, as they might be cancelled.

When my MIL kept asking why I did not get a 'little job', and kept saying we should see a doctor because they would sort my DC out, like a cousin did (whose child was severely disabled and lived in a residential home).

So sometimes you do feel required to defend yourself. However I have no dispute with parents who work, although I really am not sure how working would have benefited me.

I don't volunteer at all as I find value in raising dd, it takes me most of my time to look after her and the rest of the family.
This is where I place value, we are all different. Some people place their value on working, others on raising their dc full time.
What does it matter if you are happy with your choices and what you value.

But don't you grow your own veg morethan? I think that's top trumps in this mad game!

"“The idea that time spent with one’s child is time wasted is embedded in traditional economic thinking. People who are not formally employed may create human capital, but they themselves are said to suffer a deterioration of the stuff, as if they were so many pieces of equipment left out to rust. The extraordinary talents required to do the long-term work of building human character and instilling in young children the ability and desire to learn have no place in the economists’ calculations. Economic theory has nothing to say about the acquisition of skills by those who work with children; presumably there are none.”"

Anne Crittenden.

morethan some people like giving to others outside their immediate family unit- they enjoy helping others and getting involved with the community.
We all value our families surely whether we WOH or not.

Can I ask you a question? -you often talk about the things that you do that don't involve your family but being a SAHP allows you to do-if its not volunteering what do you do? hope its not too nosey to ask

MrsCripps.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean.
I have time away from the family if that's what you mean, see friends, etc.
Most of what most people would call the working day I'm with dd out and about.
Ah, could you mean H.ed, but that includes the family, well dd and dh really.
I don't think you are being nosey at all.
The comment about not volunteering was just really to say that irrespective of wohp or sahp some people do and some people don't.
I don't think its a bad thing not to volunteer as you can still be a help to the community. I tend to enjoy helping elderly neighbours and also cover sick days or emergency care for dds schooled friends whose parents work. I don't do this often but they have me down at school for contact.

Fideline

Not any more alas, we did when we lived in Norfolk/Suffolk. We are townies now and have been for about 13 years. We did spend 12 years living "The Good Life" though.
The dungarees and checked shirts have long gone to be replaced by the classic middle aged mc wardrobe, or funky hippy depending on where I'm going or how I'm feeling