Justifying long term SAHM to DDs?

[whenwilltherebegoodnews]

I have a few friends who, because their DHs are high (6 figure) earners, are able to be SAHMs, and have no intention of ever returning to work. These women are all at least degree educated and previously had successful careers.

I just wonder, in such a situation, how a long term SAHM encourages her DD to realise her academic/career potential, if the example she sets is that her education is only a short term requirement until she meets a high earning man?

I'm not trying to start a bun fight, I'm genuinely interested. My own mother is university educated, and has always worked in some capacity, successfully managing her own businesses with being the main carer, and encouraged me to be financially independent.

Personally, I feel I have invested too many years, and too much money, in my education and career to give it up forever after only 10-15 years. I like to think I am setting a good example to my DD that career and family are not mutually exclusive.

So how does a long term SAHM reconcile this? Am I thinking too simplistically?

You do realise scottish that SAHPs and retirees are the two main groups who hold our communities together and keep things running?

What do you think this country would look like if volunteering was outlawed tomorrow?

Non-participative my derriere.

Retro the only meaningful part of childcare is the pay cheque, apparently. i didn't get that memo either

Just a wee bit illiberal Scottishmummy.

X post combi

If you hold your breath and count to ten she'll tell us community facilities are unimportant.

Scottishmummy I fully understand and am pleased to make the political statement I do.

I am content with my choice and I want to be enable other people to make the same choice, if it suites them.

Perhaps community facilities are not important to some people. Maybe to the people who are happy to have their children brought up by nurseries and after school clubs. You don't really need communities for that do you.

^suits them. Typo.

At the out of school clubs and nurseries I have worked at in the past most of the volunteers worked. We very rarely had ones that didnt but if they did they were doing it in order to get a job. All youth work, early years and primary volunteering including brownies, community groups, surestart board etc was ran by working mums/dads. It might vary from area to area but thats the way thinks are here.

I do think that comes from being around the opportunities though as through work people say can you volunteer for this, that and the other and before you know it you are volunteering and running for everything as they know you will do it!

Really jasmine?!

How do all these volunteers find the time during theh day to run the breastfeeding support groups, work for the NCT, and la Leche League, organise toddler groups and playgroups, help during school hours to go on trips, help in the classroom etc?

They must have very understanding employers.

The person who is the main runner of everything locally has 3 paid jobs and organises all community work. Through meeting her through a work thing I just the community group, did weekend charity work for various charities, after work meetings to improve the area, cleaning up off local area etc. My dh was working full time and was doing the youth side in evenings etc.

So jasmine Where does the comparison stop? Does it mean more that they worked? Do you rate those who only work part time as lesser?

I could say in my experience of being a regular volunteer the ones that worked only did half the work, and took the same amount of credit, using work as an excuse not to do any of the more difficult jobs. However that would be very unfair of me, wouldn't it, because they are still giving up their time. So I do not believe this. Why don't you cut us the same slack? Think, there are reasons why it makes sense, for some, to be a SAHP.

If a family can afford to have a SAHP what business is it of anyone's?

I never said it was just definitely dispute its all out of work people that volunteer that must be very area dependant.

It's proof then jasmine. SAHM do nothing in the community. They must be a bunch of mindless lazy non starters. It's just as well they are not in the workplace then.

And obviously looking after their own children,being happy,doing what is right for their children and working for their family has no value what so ever.

just definitely dispute its all out of work people that volunteer

I don't believe we did say ALL jasmine, we were just disputing the description of SAHMs as non-participative.

BTW do you refer to you hard-working SAH DH as 'out of work'? Does he mind?

Dh refers to himself as not doing anything as he is currently out of work. Same as I did when on maternity cause at that time I wasnt but that doesnt make either of defensive its just is what it is

Really jas? So he isn't actually a "SAHD" as such then, but i'm confused by the maternity leave thing - had you resigned?

Perhaps community facilities are not important to some people. Maybe to the people who are happy to have their children brought up by nurseries and after school clubs

combusti - what a ridiculously pathetic thing to say.

My children have been in some form of childcare since 6 months old, I can assure you I brought them up as did their father.

If, after several hundred posts, and some good serious discussions and thoughts from both sides of the fence this is all you can contribute, then you should be ashamed.

Perhaps you could explain to me though, how a woman enabling her husband's career by being a sahm is furthering or promoting the notion of an equal, more flexible workplace for both sexes? That would make more interesting reading than your shitty little snipes.

No maternity leave on my eldest. He refers to himself as pretty lazy but I work full time, and Im not hardworking either as I spent a lot of time laying around not doing a lot.

Agreed Scarlett; childcare settings do not 'bring up' children.

Is that what you meant to say combusti?

Why do I not participate? I use childcare still. I use local facilities and amenities. I use shops. I assist friends, neighbours, parents. I do everything a wohp or an office worker does.

Yes thank for the clarification Fideline- you are right. As is scarlett.

That means children are spending 40 hours + a week not being brought up doesn't it. A very large part of a child's waking week to be wasted on not being brought up.

Ah. You mean unless I receive a salary I am worthless? What dystopia do you live in? Oh this is so sad it's now funny.

I think having a 'career' is a recently constructed ideology by men as a sop to women. A career can take many forms but I felt sounded ridiculous when a secretary. In the last 20 yrs a career has become VIP. Now ones nothing without one. People in ridiculous roles refer to themselves as in careers when really they have jobs. IMO they believe the hype, make them think they are doing something mighty, valuable and with a posh title and they won't notice their grandmothers did the same jobs. Magazines haven't helped. Idiotic articles proclaiming how people can't bear their kids so scarper back to their careers, except generally again they are actually average jobs. People, women, define themselves so much by what they are paid for they lose worth not gain it. A valuable person is more than their salary.

Not massively elegant or eloquent. There's something there though I think. I'm suffering from a stinking cold. The phone is making me nauseous or maybe just this thread....

combusti

You are insulting parents ,childcare workers and your own intelligence.
Do stop.