Justifying long term SAHM to DDs?

[whenwilltherebegoodnews]

I have a few friends who, because their DHs are high (6 figure) earners, are able to be SAHMs, and have no intention of ever returning to work. These women are all at least degree educated and previously had successful careers.

I just wonder, in such a situation, how a long term SAHM encourages her DD to realise her academic/career potential, if the example she sets is that her education is only a short term requirement until she meets a high earning man?

I'm not trying to start a bun fight, I'm genuinely interested. My own mother is university educated, and has always worked in some capacity, successfully managing her own businesses with being the main carer, and encouraged me to be financially independent.

Personally, I feel I have invested too many years, and too much money, in my education and career to give it up forever after only 10-15 years. I like to think I am setting a good example to my DD that career and family are not mutually exclusive.

So how does a long term SAHM reconcile this? Am I thinking too simplistically?

I think children benefit most from happy parents. For most men and women that means men and women work. For a few parents that may mean not working

Wisest thing you've ever said Jane

Totally agree Jayne. I also think if you have all dds you might be more likely to want to role model working mothers as even if dad stays at home 99% of time any dses will work whereas its different for girls. Its always documented on mumsnet about how in high powered careers taking a 5year gap is a career destroyer but it slso happens ay entry level. My old boss wouldnt interview anyone with 4/5 year + gap even for the minimum wage entry level positions even ones withdegrees, lots of old past experience from years back as since recession there are so many applicants they cant compete. It is ridiculous nowadays.

Why do so many people on mumsnet struggle to see that their choice might be the right one for them but isn't the only choice? It would all be terribly dull if we all did the same thing, wouldn't it?

Dmil hasnt worked since she had her dcs. She is a lovely, kind, talented lady. Her dcs (especially the boy are lovely, kind, talented people of whom she is (rightly) exceptionally proud. Her dcs both have high flying careers in the City. She pushed them really hard to be the high achievers that they are. She doesn't have to justify anything to anyone and I love and respect her.

Dm always worked (sometimes part time sometimes full time) after she had her dcs, she had no choice. She is a lovely, kind, talented lady. Her dcs (especially one girl are lovely, kind, talented people of whom she is (rightly) exceptionally proud. Her dcs also have high flying careers in the City. She pushed them really hard to be the high achievers that they are. She doesn't have to justify anything to anyone and I love and respect her.

I dont think either was/is a better mother to their dcs, and nor am I (or they) arrogant enough to think that one loved their dcs more than the other because of the choices they made.

novice will you please stand for some kind of elected office?

Well put novice and I agree with Jane about happy parents.

It's good to pull back and realise that someone else's personal choice isn't a rebuke to others. It's just personal to them.

Hear hear

No hear hear from me to asinine why can't everyone just be nice platitudes
Yes,Do what you want.but it does have sociopolitical impact that women don't return to workplace
This really isn't about why oh why can't people see.its a discussion about feminism and impact of choices made

I think self belief and ignoring other people always helps. I have always been a bit different from other people so never given two hoots what they think or thought I should do what my peers should do. I can see my children with a full time working mother have done very well. I have never ever felt I was doing anything wrong or was guilty or worried about it.

We somehow need to engender within more women more self belief.

No hear hear from me to asinine why can't everyone just be nice platitudes

Yes, because clearly that's what they were

"ignoring other people helps" - I do agree with this!

It's why I found choosing to be a SAHP easy.

It is asinine,that we all tippy toe around someone else decision cause it works for them
Something that occurs on an individual level,has sociopolitical significance for others/society
And happy mum doesn't always= happy kids

Doesn't hurt to remember that not everyone is as blessed as us in the self-belief stakes though, does it?

It is asinine,that we all tippy toe around someone else decision cause it works for them

There is a lot of clear water between ''tippy toeing around" something and slagging it off scottish; They are not the only two options.

When men discuss politics do we ask them to be nice and respectful of others pov
Why is it women discussing feminism gets hear hear when we are encouraged to be nice
I can perfectly well understand someone else has different pov,I don't need to agree .nor do I need remind myself happy mum = happy kids?cause I don't agree

Because a group of people coming from a position of historical disadvantage need to co-operate to have strength?

Because shouting down and deriding opposing viewpoints is a very male debating style that we shouldn't need or want to ape?

Because infighting is inefficient?

I'm not bloody going back to work because it has socio political impact.

I had strong views on female financial independence until my career stalled, I left the industry I was working in and found myself with no income. I became stressed, depressed and then ill. When I emerged from my horrific illness, I had an epiphany - my partner was right all along. 1) there's things more important than money 2) our money is our money 3) we're a team.

Now I am a SAHM - my partner would swap places in a heartbeat because we both believe a SAHP is the ideal for our DC. Plus if he would love it! I am a huge feminist and always have been - but it took me a long time to actually become a TRUE feminist - for my gender to be irrelevant in our decision to be a SAHP.

I also have a PhD and taught at uni so I think that means I've realised my academic potential. I'd love for my boy to grow up to believe in the importance of following his truth and to be a true teammate - in every way, including financially - in the relationships he will have. Not to limit or have expectations of his partner because of his or her gender.

P.s. I do think this thread was started to cause a bunfight, but you know what? If you're happy in your decisions you choose to eat the bun not throw it. Try it... It's delicious...

No neither am I.

How exactly does removing choice and making millions of mothers and children miserable become progress??

Only on MN.

Scottishmummy

Something that occurs on an individual level,has sociopolitical significance for others/society

Good, I am glad because there are people that are like me in this society, just as much as there are people like you. And I for one will not be squeezed out....

Excellent post Capsium.

My individual act of working ft has sociopolitical impact.it drives need for nursery and Afterschool
Conversely housewife not working has sociopolitical impact,meaning some women are nonparticipative and lost to workforce

Arf @ SAHM = non-participative

Soooooo me working in a nursery(I never would as I don't think they're suitable for babies and the research backs it up)ok but me looking after my own babies not ok.

Sorry it's just utterly hysterical that you actually think this desirable.

Nonparticipative in what- a capitalistic, patriarchal financial system? A system that strives to marginalise and line the pockets of the few. And mothers who don't work are not supporting that system?

Well maybe that's a good thing. Because there is more to life than Mammon.

Most SAHMs are very participative in society, these are the people who are helping their communities, running playgroups, becoming voluntary breastfeeding counsellors, giving unpaid time and support to schools.

These women may be lost to the paid workforce but they are a very important part of our community and society.

Do you need it spelt out?the individual act of women working has sociopolitical impact
Just as the increasing age of primigravida has a impact inc health provision
Our individual acts are political,and have impact.and that's the op point how does being housewife impact on girls