Justifying long term SAHM to DDs?

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I have a few friends who, because their DHs are high (6 figure) earners, are able to be SAHMs, and have no intention of ever returning to work. These women are all at least degree educated and previously had successful careers.

I just wonder, in such a situation, how a long term SAHM encourages her DD to realise her academic/career potential, if the example she sets is that her education is only a short term requirement until she meets a high earning man?

I'm not trying to start a bun fight, I'm genuinely interested. My own mother is university educated, and has always worked in some capacity, successfully managing her own businesses with being the main carer, and encouraged me to be financially independent.

Personally, I feel I have invested too many years, and too much money, in my education and career to give it up forever after only 10-15 years. I like to think I am setting a good example to my DD that career and family are not mutually exclusive.

So how does a long term SAHM reconcile this? Am I thinking too simplistically?

^ so instinct can be individual and cultural. This is why I said 'almost instinctive'.

Capsicum I think all this thread shows is that women are as different from each other as they are from men

Retro

Ah, your a relative newbie to sahmdom.
I wonder if I have the Mnet record for longest sahm, maybe there's a worse lazy ass than me, draining society and stopping other mothers from realising their ambition, bullying our husbands into submission
We aught to be ashamed
If it wasn't so it would be laughable.

"will no longer have my life choices examined and judged."

Yes, no one judges WOHMs. Not at all.

Ought.

Resorting to typo-correction to score points Herc?

Yes that will make you look more reasonable and less condescending; good move

Herc.

I'm dyslexic, and although I try my best, sometimes a mistake comes through. Any skill I have in reading, writing or arithmetic is down to sheer determination. I can't even boast a good education.
I bet you're glad you corrected me now.
I don't mind, it's how a person improves.

You home ed. You should know the difference between aught and ought.

Herc.

Why? and as a matter of fact I do, it was a mistake.
Do you know anything about H.ed?

You home ed. You should know the difference between aught and ought.

Because teachers never commit typos or malapropisms do they herc?

Not that Home Ed is usually 'school at home'.

Ironic, but I happen to have a PgCE. As Fideline states though H.ed is not "school at home"

Herc, you really are grasping at straws. What on earth has my education or lack of have to do with being a sahm and justifying this to my dd, like the OP asked?

gasp

All sorts of people make typos all the time. Well educated or not.

I see this as a free flowing, casual chat. Not a formal paper, where I stop and proof read.

We are known by our actions and example not our words. People's decisions to stay home are political with huge ramifications. It matters more than just how it affects that person and that family.

Jane , surely you are not implying we should choose to work in paid employment, regardless of whether it is beneficial to our families or finances, regardless of whether we need or want to?

My DC certainly would have been worse off if I could not have supported them through their SEN and the Statementing process. I'm not sure I could have held down a job during this, it involved part time schooling for some of the time and lots of appointments. I wasn't about to abandon my child and my DH's salary, which has always been much more than mine, paid our way.

We would cost the state more if my DC had not progressed...

Many SAHPs are in similar situations.

Jane

I appreciate what you are saying, but if we made our decisions for the good of everybody else, they may not be for the good of our own families.
My families happiness is more important to me than other peoples families.
Isn't this true for us all.
Why don't wohms support sahms by leaving work to show gov its a valid decision? Probably because it wouldn't be best for their families.

I agree Jane. Actions are important and they do have ramifications beyond our own circle.

I just happen to think that choosing to stay at home when I was highly educated and highly paid previously makes a strong statement about the value of children and the role of caring in our society.

"We are known by our actions and example not our words. People's decisions to stay home are political with huge ramifications. It matters more than just how it affects that person and that family."

Yes I agree- it is a political move to prioritise the important role of raising my children over this god of economic growth.

I agree, I think everyone's happiness and well-being should be prioritised over the god of economic growth; particularly as economic growth benefits the few, not the many, in our current political system.

Unfortunately, this view does not pay my bills.

And I agree about the value of children and caring, but I can't do it all myself and pay my bills. It has been an uphill struggle to find a nursery ds likes and is settled, but I have one now. It is worth every penny, even though it costs 40% of my salary.

We are all doing our best. But surely things have got to become easier for women, because I don't want my dd to feel as exhausted as I do. And I am not sure how that is achieved if we get stuck at defending our personal 'choices'

Summer I am not suggesting that people don't pay bills- a dependancy on the welfare state is not desirable either.

I have no desire to get rich- unlike may of the fat cats who are driving the system, as long as I can pay my way then I am happy. Whether that means supporting a husband practically and in terms of child care so he can work, or earning myself.

I worked out ways that I could earn while being at home, fitting paid work around nap times, evenings and weekends so I didn't need to use childcare or claim any benefits.

And I agree about the value of children and caring, but I can't do it all myself and pay my bills. It has been an uphill struggle to find a nursery ds likes and is settled, but I have one now. It is worth every penny, even though it costs 40% of my salary.

You don't need to justify summer, neither do SAHMs. Unfortunately some patronising pillocks think otherwise .

Thanks fideline, I know, it is just the notion that you can always control things and how they turn out, you can't.

I should stay away from these threads!

deep, if your ways of working at home around naptimes etc would also have covered your mortgage and living costs, all credit to you. Otherwise, we are not really on the same page.

it is just the notion that you can always control things and how they turn out, you can't.

YYY. I think some people could do with a couple of life-events happening to them - it might puncture their smugness about how controllable and plannable they think it all is

People's decisions to stay home are political with huge ramifications. It matters more than just how it affects that person and that family.

Can you please explain what is political about my decision to stay home and look after my children? I thought my decision was based on what is best for my children, not whether Dave Cameron and co would approve.

I agree that my decision affects others though as the job that I am not taking up can provide somebody else with employment.

I didn't mean to make you feel bad summerflower. I completely understand. Previous posters have, more eloquently than me, made the point that we are all just making the best choices we can given the situations we are in. Those of us in the position to make a choice, and choosing to stay home, are being goaded to justify our personal choices.

I don't have children with special needs, my employment could more than pay for child care. My husband is a "high earner." I am a real flash point for some people. How dare I not go back to work? Who do I think I am? I'll get what's coming to me in the end. yada yada yada.

I don't give a stuff. I feel that what I am doing now is more valuable to my family and to society as a whole than being a high rate tax payer at the moment. I cannot hide behind economic necessity. My values are exposed.

All that said, I am completely at ease with women in my position making the opposite choice. If you thrive on your career, love doing it and can afford high quality child care to make it all work, then I support you completely. You know what's best for your family and it would be presumptuous for me to assume your kids aren't getting what they need.

Where I do have an issue is the fuzzy middle. The assumption that women working is virtuous and that women staying at home is shiftless, does make a political difference. It drives the sort of policies that force the tax payer to subsidise women with young children working, when they don't all want to do so or feel it is right. What is the point of subsidising Woman A in a low paid job to go out and work, while Woman B earns low pay to look after Woman A's children? It's a bit like the old Economics 101 example of everyone taking in each other's washing. There is a lot of activity, but no productivity.

I don't give a stuff. I feel that what I am doing now is more valuable to my family and to society as a whole than being a high rate tax payer at the moment. I cannot hide behind economic necessity. My values are exposed.

And what horrifically offensive values they are missing