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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Can a woman survive without a man or sex in her life?

78 replies

hennalyn · 11/02/2014 05:28

This question may be sensitive and simple. We know that most men can't go long with women and sex, how about for women? Can we really live without them for the rest of our lives?

OP posts:
tropicalholidayhereicome · 08/02/2015 12:51

Exactly petula. It is not life or death, but say for instance you were separated from your partner for a few days, then a large proportion of people would miss the sex and be looking forward to their return. It hardly makes someone a sex addict Hmm

Quiero · 08/02/2015 12:53

This reminds me of one of the Page3 threads where a poster felt that banning page 3 was unfair on teenage boys as it took away their wank fodder Confused. Like they were entitled to it.

tropicalholidayhereicome · 08/02/2015 12:55

Sex is a biological drive, page 3 is not. It is hardly the same thing

TwiceForkedLightningTree · 08/02/2015 12:55

Hmm daft question tbh.

I have often (in the past) thought that the elephants have got the right idea, primarily female-based tribes with wandering males.

But I might let a few of the nice chaps stay. If they ask nicely.

PetulaGordino · 08/02/2015 12:56

Well that is the nature of a want rather than a need isn't it? You can live without it but you feel your life is better with it.

The problem is as sardine says when that want spills over to need which in reality is entitlement - regardless of whether you find someone who wants to share a sexual encounter with you or not

tropicalholidayhereicome · 08/02/2015 13:13

I suppose my view is formed from being in the same relationship/marriage since my teenage years. I wouldn't go around in a predatory way having sex with numerous men, obviously.

PetulaGordino · 08/02/2015 13:15

No, but there might be a situation where the person you are in a relationship with can't or doesn't want to have sex for a period of time - not just being separated by distance iyswim

SardineQueen · 08/02/2015 13:16

Oh I don't know going around having sex with numerous men can be quite a fun past-time!

A different one every week for your whole life would be going it some though.

PetulaGordino · 08/02/2015 13:18

Gosh what a lot of effort that would be. I'm not sure I meet enough different men weekly that I would want to have sex with, and would want to have sex with me. I would have to get out a LOT more

SardineQueen · 08/02/2015 13:19

YY Petula many things can knock a person's libido for a (temporary) six.

Feeling compelled to have sex even when you really don't want to is never a good thing is it.

I think maybe the difference in perceptions around women's sex drives and men's is due to historical reasons (women aren't supposed to like it, female sexuality is contorted and suppressed, virgin/whore stuff) and also because there are more times probably in a woman's life where there are biological reasons for her not being so up for it.

Maybe.

dementedma · 08/02/2015 13:20

I can live without sex. I am finding it increasingly difficult to continue without affection though......

tropicalholidayhereicome · 08/02/2015 13:20

I think mismatched sex drives is a problem in some marriages. I do think that situation would be very difficult to be in.

VictorineMeurent · 08/02/2015 13:21

I have been married for over 30 years and apart from a week or two between relationships not been without a partner or sexual relationship since iI was 15. I would find the thought of having no one to snuggle up to, to embrace and hold and have sex with difficult to bear. Many people I know live on ther own without partners and are perfectly happy ( more women than men though) It is not a lifestyle I'd contenance.

PetulaGordino · 08/02/2015 13:22

Well the whole no rape within marriage thing institutionalised the whole concept of men needing sex more than women really

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 08/02/2015 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SardineQueen · 08/02/2015 13:26

What does this mean though: "It is not a lifestyle I'd countenance"?

What steps would you take if you were single? I mean that's a very strong statement. As in, you'd rather not be alive? Sorry that's a very personal question.

LiviaDruscillaAugusta · 08/02/2015 13:29

I have had sex once in the last fourteen years and haven't had a relationship for sixteen - and shockingly I seem to have survived!

PetulaGordino · 08/02/2015 13:32

Tropical I'm not really talking about mismatched sex drives, more say a long period of time in which a partner can't or doesn't want to have sex. Say an illness or an accident where recovery takes months or years. It would of course be difficult for the other partner if their sex drive remained as high as it was before, and there may or may not be ways to manage that, but it is survivable (particularly IMO if there is good communication and mutual understanding)

tropicalholidayhereicome · 08/02/2015 13:33

If you were single you would have to cope I suppose. If a person was lucky they could probably get a FWB type situation going on.

I remember a few days after giving birth to dc1. I had a bit of an unhinged moment where I cried as I couldn't have sex or masturbate. I was saying it wasn't fair and is this life for me now? Luckily didn't bleed long, and had puller myself together by subsequent dcs as realised I was worrying for nothing. Dh didn't feel sorry for me at the time though, he just laughed!

PetulaGordino · 08/02/2015 13:33

Actually I mean to say that it is survivable (as in you won't stop living) regardless of communication and understanding. But those things make it easier

Lweji · 08/02/2015 13:37

Regular weekly sex is hardly an extreme view

Having regular weekly sex is not extreme, needing it to function properly is.

Most people, at least in happy marriages and normal sex drives, probably have sex at least weeky.
If someone "can't" go without weekly sex then it is a problem. Would it be ok for a man to pester his wife two weeks after having a baby for sex because otherwise he's a grump? Hmm That would be classified as sexual abuse.

tropicalholidayhereicome · 08/02/2015 13:43

I have never pestered for sex Lweji. I couldn't think of anything less sexy than having sex with someone who had sex with you begrudgingly.

candysnatch17 · 30/03/2015 11:37

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Punkafoo · 16/04/2015 12:43

I don't know what you mean by can a woman survive without a man as that is a very open question could mean a lot of things. But can women survive without sex, if you mean do they need sex in their life no they don't need it. But we can't survive as a humans if we don't reproduce.

To you first part of the question if you mean does a woman need a partner in her life, no not always, but it is nice to have a companion of the opposite sex just to have a different talk from talking with the "lads" or "girls". Also if a woman can't do something for example fix the toilet flusher because it's broken, and the only person she knows is a man that can fix than no she can't survive without a man. This is where you get the difference between men and women. Most women stayed at home looking after the children and making sure the place is nice etc and cooking food, while the men went out and hunt, but I'm sure some men stayed behind to protect the women and children as well as I'm sure some of the strong women went out and got food, it all depends on survivor tactics. In this day and age it's not like that now as we don't go out and hunt for a food etc, everything like that is done for you, however there are still certain roles for men and women that are different. You don't see many women as electricians or fisherman/women, but than you don't see many men in childcare or stay at home dads and I think that is just built in our minds from the times when men out to work and women stayed at home.

berryblueberry · 23/04/2015 13:05

Hmm, as a forum newbie it's been interesting to read this thread...

At a very basic level, men definitely have a higher biological URGE for sex (because they can't pass on their genes otherwise)
The danger, the problem, is that strong URGES now = NEED, particularly for men in general. And not just for sex of course

Also, people are so often afraid to say / too weak to say /unaware that they WANT something, they have to justify themselves by NEEDing it

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