Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Age of consent/average age to loose virginity, feminist issue?

136 replies

misspontypine · 05/11/2013 21:20

I don't venture over to the feminism topics often, please excuse me if I am asking an inapropriate question.

I have recently been reading a few threads on AIBU that talk about age of consent/average age for young people to have sex.

My mum brought me up in a feminist enviroment(sinle mother, no dresses, no barbie (or girls toys/boys toys), lots of positive talk about the power of having periods/fertility/babies me and my brother were allways treated exactly the same)

I was allowed to have my long term boyfriend sleep over in my bed when I was 13/14 years old. We decided to have sex a week before I turned 15. I feel like from a feminist perspective it was right to empower me to be able to make my own sexual decisions.

I was taught that my opinin was very important, no ment no, sexuality was not something to be ashamed off, as a woman you have huge power becuase you are ultimatly in controll of contraception and if any children are born (through unprotected sex or protected sex) you as a woman have autoatic right over those children (it was the 90s.)

Is it right to tell young women (or men) to wait untill they are 16 to have sex despite people reaching sexual maturity at all different ages?

OP posts:
CrocodileScream · 05/11/2013 22:38

Men and women are not yet equal in all things in this country. Particularly on relation to PIV sex. Therefore the law must reflect this.

There will always be exceptions to the rules. One size fits all doesn't exist. Most laws will have a 'necessary evil' element to them. It truly sucks. But what is the alternative?

Weeantwee · 05/11/2013 22:39

This is nothing to do with feminism. Its madness.

I remember when I was 12, I found out that my friend had slept with her boyfriend. She was 12, he was 14. I was genuinely appalled and that's not because I was less mature than her, its because I knew we were children and sex was illegal. Simple.

AlexaChelsea · 05/11/2013 22:39

No! The question the OP posed was 'Is it right to tell young women (or men) to wait untill they are 16 to have sex despite people reaching sexual maturity at all different ages?'

And the point being made, is that some people do mature at different ages, therefore I, personally, don't think the 'wait until you are 16 because the law says so', is a useable argument.

AlexaChelsea · 05/11/2013 22:40

Although, I have to agree I fail to see what this has to do with feminism.

Bunbaker · 05/11/2013 22:40

I don't what any of this has to do with being a feminist.

Bunbaker · 05/11/2013 22:41

Cross posted Alexa

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 05/11/2013 22:41

So, Alexa, you agree then that you are simply here to argue for the age of consent to be lowered ?

AlexaChelsea · 05/11/2013 22:41

crocodile but isn't changing the law the first step in reaching equality?

Gay and straight couples aren't yet equal in all things, hence the law needs to be changed to rectify this.

NiceTabard · 05/11/2013 22:43

Alexa there is no such thing here as "statutory rape" for a start, and I think in the US there are different laws in different states about age of consent, sexual acts and so on. UK is a bit different - England and Wales share laws on this, Scotland has independence but laws are similar.

I admit I don't know much about consent laws in NI. Given their abortion laws I am a bit scared to look.

AlexaChelsea · 05/11/2013 22:43

No, not at all. I think 16 is a perfectly good age for consent, as the law stands.

What I would argue is two things;

  1. That the law needs to be equal for both male and female parties engaging in sex
  2. That using the law as a deterrent for your under-16 child, isn't going to work, and that the better option is to educate them and allow them to make their own choices. Sure, you can try to deter them, but from experience a 14/15yo will do what they want to do. Better to be safe.
AlexaChelsea · 05/11/2013 22:45

tabard I know the laws here! I've not mentioned statutory rape?

NI has the same age of consent as the uk.

NiceTabard · 05/11/2013 22:45

Alexa in the UK the legal age of consent for sex is 16. For any combination of sexes.

CrocodileScream · 05/11/2013 22:45

I don't have the answer Alexa. Gay and straight couples should be equal - in fact they should just be couples. I don't think the law will change while females require more protection.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 05/11/2013 22:46

You are derailing the thread, Alexa.

freyasnow · 05/11/2013 22:46

The point is that a 14 year old girl, by definition, has not reached complete sexual maturity. Sexual maturity isn't some opinion they hold in their head - it is a biological reality to do with physiological development.

The job of a parent isn't to wait around until a child decides to have sex and then provide the safest context for them to do it in. The job of a parent is to bring children up to make mature decisions. And the mature decision is to not have penetrative sex at 14.

Anybody who conflates having sexual urges with wanting to have penetrative sex or thinks it is a natural instinct for a 13 year old to want to have penetrative sex is confused.

NiceTabard · 05/11/2013 22:48

Age of consent is 16.

How does it made to be more equal for males and females?

A bit Confused

FloraFox · 05/11/2013 22:49

I think children should wait until they are 16 to have sex just as they should wait until they are 17 to drive and wait until they are 18 to vote and drink alcohol (fat chance of that last one though). Of course everyone matures at a different rate but the laws have to draw a line so that most people can get the protection they need. Child sex laws are to protect children from sexual exploitation from adults. It might have the effect that two 15 years olds who are mature enough cannot have sex but, hey ho. That's the consequences of trying to protect young people who are not mature enough.

AlexaChelsea · 05/11/2013 22:52

How am I derailing the thread Confused

tabard I know, I don't know why you keep citing basic facts to me? Hmm

freya most 16 year olds have not reached sexual maturity either.

What needs to be equalised is the penalties that can be imposed. They are currently different for males and females.

Anyway, the point is that the op asked if it was right to tell people to wait until they are 16. I don't think it is, necessarily. In an ideal world, sure, but though I agree that having sex at 14 probably isn't the mature choice, teenagers make a lot of dumb choices. Best to make sure they are safe.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 05/11/2013 22:52

Having a strong sense and law about the age of consent inconveniences two groups of people from what I can see.

  1. Sex abusers who prey on underage children and 2) underage children who wish to have sex but should really wait a couple of years

I can live with that. Any parent should be able to live with that.

CrocodileScream · 05/11/2013 22:53

Good post Flora.

Tabard my reference to inequality between males and females was about how they may be treated by the law if one is over the age of consent.

AlexaChelsea · 05/11/2013 22:55

I agree mist. I do.

I just think I would rather know my children were having sex safely, than burry my head in the sand and assume a horny 15 year old would wait, because it's the law.

Then they'll do it somewhere when they get a chance, which might not be safe, and might rush into the decision.

NiceTabard · 05/11/2013 22:55

People have written these things. I do not understand why.

Explanations would be good.

That the law needs to be equal for both male and female parties engaging in sex

?

What needs to be equalised is the penalties that can be imposed. They are currently different for males and females.

?

WorraLiberty · 05/11/2013 22:55

My mum treated me as an adult when I started to develop sexual feelings, rather than a toddler with a plug socketand a coat hanger. If a young woman is capable of understanding her actions why should she not be given the choice?

There is a massive gap between a toddler and a young woman.

A 13yr old child is not a young woman by any means.

maybe my mum was lucky that I am eminantly sensible

No I think YOU were lucky that you were sensible

And very lucky that you didn't get pregnant at the age of 13 whilst fumbling with a condom.

Yes you could have got pregnant outside of your home...but there's a massive difference in being educated about having sex and being encouraged to do so.

AlexaChelsea · 05/11/2013 22:58

I think you are being a bit OTT - giving your child condoms, when you know they plan to have sex! isn't encouraging them. What would you do? Tell them not to and hope for the best?

Or keep them locked in until they turn 16 and are magically ready?

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 05/11/2013 22:58

Alexa you are advocating that the law around age of consent be fudged/ignored/minimised/whatever you want to call it. You don't agree with me at all. You would rather give agency to the "but she looked 14 Guv (when she is really 12)" people. That's how it looks.

Swipe left for the next trending thread