To be baffled at the male assumption that random women will wish to engage in sexual inuendo

[Greythorne]

I do a lot of volunteering at my DCs school. I run a library and send out group emails with class info etc. (We are in France).

Yesterday, I send a group email asking for people to return their DCs library books.

One father replied that he would bring the book to the summer fair on saturday. Fine, says I, I will be running the "throw a sponge at the headmaster" stand, so look out for me there.

Father responds: Ooooh, is that the wet tee shirt stand?
Me: Gosh, I hope not. I will be rescinding my offer of help if so.
Father: Oh, don't say that, you might win!
Me:

WTAF? Why? Why? Why?

I am a forty-something happily married mother running a library (FFS) and still I am seen as a target for sexual banter.

And yet so many women don't want to be feminists. Bangs head on desk.

The fact that the guy made a leap from "school fair/wet headmaster" to "woman in a wet t-shirt (phnar phnar)" makes it creepy not flirty.

If he had gone from "school fair/wet headmaster" to "save me a sponge" to "I'll look forward to seeing you there" then that would be flirty.

you can't say that! it sounds like contraceptive!

I love the logic here, notdead.

'Some women like to feel attractive! You will all feel much more attractive if you are creeped out! Embrace the creep-love, you desperate happily married woman, you!' Er ... whut?

CHOCOLATE FORAGING

its not logic mr spock.. its humanity!!

yes sir, sorry sir.

oh dear notdead

oh dear

shall we ignore him/the construct now?

hang on isn't 'politeness and respect when one encounters women' part of the same cultural set that 'saved' weak women from 'brutish' males because it upset their 'nerves'.. ??

Do you think you'll do anything more about it, Grey?

NotDead: how can you so spectacularly miss the point? It's like tripping over an elephant and saying you didn't see it.

NotDead is jumping up and down on the elephant insistent that some elephants enjoy it.

I like Hully's email.

I did not reply to his last email "maybe you'll win".

What's weird is that if you don't know someone at all and just receive an email about library books, it is inappropriate pretty much to talk about anything else.

Me: Please bring the library books back next week.
Man: Can I bring them to the summer fair?
Me: Yes, I will be running the throw a sponge at the headmaster stand, look out for me there.
Man: Did you see "Grand Designs" last night?

See, it just doesn't work. Nobody goes around assuming strangers share their interests.

But men this man assumed I was up for a bit of sleaze. Why? He assumes all women are.

No, he doesn't assume, he just doesn't care. It gives him a frisson, that is the only point for him.

chub

This reminds me of the "Women's bodies are permeable" thread, where someone brought up the idea that women's bodies are viewed as always open for comment in a way men's bodies aren't. It's something other women do too but in a different way, comment on female celeb's looks and so on.

How can this thinking be stopped?

Surely the default should be to NOT behave like this?

If it is possible that the person will not like it and also that they will, you cannot possibly offend by NOT being sexually suggestive whereas you can possibly offend by being sexually suggestive.

So it would make sense to me that you don't bloody do it! That way you can be totally sure that you are not going to piss someone off.

When you get to know someone, and if you develop the sort of relationship where mutual banter of whatever nature is acceptable to both of you then fair enough, that's between the two of you.

But to someone you don't even bloody know? Why would anyone do that?

But how can the menz have their little yfronty frissons with that sort of attitude, Hecsy?

So selfish