Women have their little careers till they have babies. Then they do as little as possible, preferably not working at all after that

[StealthPolarBear]

I am infuriated by this attitude which seems to be prevalent. After women have had babies they only work if they have to, and go part time if they can. But I can't put into words why I work - why wouldn't I? I work for the same reasons as I did before I had children. I work for the same reasons as DH works.
Either of us could give up work and we'd cope. But that was true pre-children. Women continuing to work FT seems to be a slur on their man's ability to 'provide'.

kin147, to answer your question, yes, I would judge that non-working husband. Nice set up if you can get it!

And incidentally I have a degree in social science, so would say that I've previously done a fair bit of book reading on gender role stereotypes and the patriarchy.

housewife maintains the patriarchy fluffy be being inactive and dependent upon male wage
its a personal decision which supports your family,but at cost of you being out of employment
if you however weigh that up as a risk you're wiiling to take,its your decision

Just want to say that I am an ex lawyer, now SAHM for 10 years, both kids have been full time for 3 years now. I never feel, nor have ever been made to feel dull, worthless, lazy etc etc.

I don't understand where this idea comes from? That SAHM's are looked down upon? Certainly not in my experience. I know plenty of other SAHM and WOHM, whether full time or part time, but never have I felt lesser or inferior to any other group.

I would be grateful if someone could enlighten me.

i think mn is the housewife/working thing is contentious.and then schoolgate kicks it off too

didn't this thread start out saying that all choices are valid for individual families, but that it is the assumption that women only work through financial necessity /being heartless which grates? How did that turn into suggesting that anyone should make themselves as a family unit less well off in order to prove some point?

Too confusing. Sleep time.

what point are you not making?

I suppose really its how you define being a sahm/d. To me it isn't about being a housewife as that isn't really my role. In fact I don't really have one.
Its great to come and go as I please and not to have to do as a boss man says to get money to pay for more stuff.
I enjoy the freedom of not having to plan who picks dd/ drops off, ferries about, has time off, organising childcare etc, I would find this dull and boring. Meal planning is right what are we having, ok who's cooking it, what time should we eat. Sometimes as late as 4pm that day . Domestic responsibilities are shared between the family. Sometimes one person may do more than others depending on who is at home. I probably cook twice a week.

dimsum.
Are you new on here, because you will see plenty comments of detriment to sahp's.

Very nice too, potatoprints, and IMO a valid choice. I wonder how those around you would react if you worked and your DP said the same, though?

Hi, yes I am new.

I read upthread a poster saying that SAHM are thought of as inferior etc and I just wondered by whom? As I have never come across this attitude in 10 years of being a SAHM.

I do think that the core- or one of the cores of the problem is the as a society w attach practically no value at all to the task of raising children. The women who do it as a job are paid very little and have practically no status. The women who do it for free have even less status, and are looked at as boring, uninteresting ambitionless drones who are rubbish role models for their children. Nobody ever suggests that saying to a child "I think you are so important and valuable that I decided that looking after you was something really really worth doing" might make you as good a role model as running ICI.

Stealth.

My dh does say the same really. I think thats what you mean.
He works from home mostly, but is sometimes away. We share everything we possibly can, within reason.
Obviously if he is working then I will do something that has to be done then, I wouldn't just leave it. For us it works great as when dd was at school we both got to attend school stuff. Now, we can both go to concerts, auditions and competitions with her. I usually take her to music lessons and dance lessons, but dh does it sometimes if he is there. Dh does music with her between other pupils during the morning and I do academic subjects in the afternoon. Ds when they are about contribute to the family as well. They do ironing, washing, cleaning as well.

I wanted to be at home when my children were small and i knew I wanted a few dcs. I left work completely when i got pg, and moved a couple of hundred miles away from my old company. I was completely naive, I thought because I have a 'good' degree from a 'good' university and had a 'good' job with a multinational that I could stay at home for a few years, have a few dcs and then, if not walk back into it, at least be able to get back in and prove myself and work my way up to where I was before. My youngest is 18 months off starting school and I feel completely unemployable. I don't feel especially criticised by society but I am massively disappointed in myself.

Seeker.

You make a very good point there. I think if you don't work especially in this day and age you are looked down upon.

I think because some women feel that being a sahm is not for them they think you must have a dull life shackled to the sink because that is how they felt during ml.
However, for many it couldn't be further from the truth.
Also it is obviously an emotive subject because we all want to think we have done the best for our dc and some people feel threatened by others who have chosen a different route.
The question of what constitutes a good role model is interesting too as everybody has their own value and opinion on this.

i had a crap job and no contracted hours when I got pregnant. Wouldn't be able to pay for childcare if went back. My husband still and a shit salary but a steady one and a chance to progress in his career which he has being doing. Now I am a CM so I can still eliminate childcare costs while earning money, but I am working towards a career out of the house.
My husband would love for me to be the main bread winner and than he could stay at home watching TV all day cleaning, cooking and doing the school run...
Maybe one day.

And I did want to do everything with my daughter myself tbh

Thank you Seeker. I wanted to say that but have drunk too much wine this evening

I don't personally see staying at home as a risk. I see it as something I want to do at this point in time.

Childcare is seen as "women's" work and women's work is under valued in a patriarchal society.

I remember reading something a while back about how jobs that used to be typically the reserve of males but now are top heavy with females become less respected in society - teaching and healthcare being one example.

Comments that suggest housewives contribute nothing do to my mind perpetuate what the OP is saying.
And personally I really dislike the term housewife and view myself as a stay at home parent for these few years.

I dont look down on housewives,and on mn they get pretty good deal
Sure there are heated exchanges but that's online for you.both give,both get
Where I live,and at school, housewife is mc norm.working gets a poor you face

Stealth I'm not sure what you're objecting to - that people put men down because 'their' women 'have to' work? I think that's a very 1950s attitude and I have never come across it, even in older people.

I think when women work part time it's because they want to, not because they don't know any better.

I am sad to say that IME men are just not as good at rearing DC as women are.

I earned more than my DH and we decided that he would be the SAHP. This lasted 6 months, he was tired, aggressive, impatient, had no sense of fun.

I would have been happy for him to be at home whilst I worked but he couldn't hack it.

I am now a SAHM.

I think that a lot of people make life decisions based on fairly short term and optimistic views. They look at the monthly balance sheet, rather than paying into pensions. They assume that their children won't have special needs, or that they will always have a partner and both always be healthy. They assume they'll never be made redundant.

It doesn't take much, a child needing hospital treatment for a month or two can lose a parent their job.

I wonder how many couples where one parent is pt or staying at home have thought about these things

Unfortunately, capitalism requires a certain section of its workforce to be surplus to fit with the flow of demand. That section I'd typically women and other vulnerable groups.

It would benefit capitalism a lot more if all working adults were more flexible, had less job security etc, but that would be too strongly resisted.

1950s propaganda had a huge influence in promoting the role of the sahm, it had barely been heard of before the. It was done to give jobs to men when ther weren't enough to go around.

So, yes, I do respond to people who ask questions by asking why they don't ask dh the same.

kickass the 1950s setup changed in the 1980s when millions of would be SAHMs felt empowered enough to work. This meant house prices went up (people could get bigger mortgages on a joint income) and the knockon effect of that is that households now need TWO working parents to cover their housing costs.

It also meant the labour market was diluted (similar to the impact of several million immigrants within a decade) and has driven wages down.

What we are left with now is women and men working all the hours to make up enough money to pay for a roof over their heads with the lucky few with low mortgages or in subsidised housing being able to make a real choice about childcare.

Or perhaps we have now gone back to what it was like before the 1950s when ordinary mothers worked hard for pennies looking after the children of the privileged wealthy.

sydelxic - Lots of men are just as good at childcare Through my job I know many single dads who do 24/7 care for their children, and they breeze through it.

Pollypandemonium - Its not really like the 50s as dual incomes give you a higher standard of living. Even the dual income couples I know that make minimum wage still have smart phones each, classes for their children, sky etc. It means that people can have a much higher standard of living nowadays.

rubyruby - You work round it between us dd1 does individual swimming lessons, and rainbows. We work round each others shifts, but it all depends on how helpful your dh is.