Women have their little careers till they have babies. Then they do as little as possible, preferably not working at all after that

[StealthPolarBear]

I am infuriated by this attitude which seems to be prevalent. After women have had babies they only work if they have to, and go part time if they can. But I can't put into words why I work - why wouldn't I? I work for the same reasons as I did before I had children. I work for the same reasons as DH works.
Either of us could give up work and we'd cope. But that was true pre-children. Women continuing to work FT seems to be a slur on their man's ability to 'provide'.

Oh! Totally cross posted with others about SAHDs! My MIL would be exactly the same - she is fabulous and wouldn't dream of 'interfering' with my child business. DH . . . Not quite the same. His own dad asked me in front of him if he was capable of changing a nappy. Totally seriously. Poor Dh

mn phenomena is post happy to work ft someone quips you must be in denial/bet you really want to be a housewife/doesnt your man earn enough

Oh yes. The extra X chromosome means that nappy changing and bathing is instinctive, didn't you know?

I worked before having DS1 (9). Went part time afterwards because financially we made more that way with childcare costs.

Then stopped working (personal reasons) and was on benefits. Met my now DH and started working again full time when DS started school.

Still work FT but not for much longer as 20 weeks pregnant with triplets.

I would definatly like to return to work - think I'm going to need to for my sanity! - I will probably only return PT at first (when they are a year) and then maybe FT when they start school.

There will be the financial side of it to consider. Childcare wise we think a nanny will be cheapest as full time childcare for 3 will be about £3000 a month!

However, myself and my husband work for the same firm and both have the 'same' position. It has been discussed that we will become a 'job share' until they start school as then there won't be childcare costs and we can (hopefully!) keep on top of the house keeping between us as well.

Wow. I can see where your username has come from. Congratulations! And with triplets if you are all up dressed and out before noon I'd consider that a successful day :)

Stealth.

I just think as a mother you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. I do agree with seekers post back on page 2. Sahm's are treated as second class citizens, looked down on and presumed to be dull.
I also think we are all individuals and even couples are different and shouldn't be treated as the same.
I do know plenty of women who are not treated as equal in the workplace and the home, but that isn't my experience at all. I would not put up with any of it in my home believe me. My ds have been brought up to be able to fend for themselves and it isn't my job to run around after the males in my family. I have one friend however who openly encourages her dd to assist her in running the home and waiting on the men. It drives me mental and despite me pointing it out to her, doesn't see the harm she is doing.
I suppose we are all different.

Don't agree in the slightest

I think that makes you the perfect case study, somanymore - you and DH can keep score of the comments made /questions asked about your childcare choices and work/life balance - write a paper on it as if either of you will have the time or energy to write more than a shopping list --

i dont want to enact a patriarchal stereotype of man work,wee woman potter about at home largely occupied with him, and childcare
i want my dc to a have role model of seeing mum work and contribute and not solely dad work,mum at home

i think if woman chooses to be housewife she is enacting a stereotypical role,which to an extent fulfils the comment op is discussing

I do have an issue with comments like this though. Are you saying that I'm not contributing by staying at home when dc are young? Not contributing to society or not contributing to our family?
I had an education and career before I chose to stay at home with my children. Hopefully at some point I'll be back at work.
Will I suddenly become more of a role model to dd if I do?

ruby ft work is planning,shared responsibilities and both pull weight
plan food by batch cook,we keep diary of our appts,lay out stuff night before
we know who the to call person eg if school,nursery call who will respond.we discuss who can accommodate

its not assumed its my look out cause i am mum,because we are partners and parents

you want my answer fluffy?yes at mo as housewife you're enacting stereotypical role
you're unwaged at home,what your dc see at present is mummy is a housewife
if you want different role model you have to enact it.your kids wont see you in career whilst yore at home

Did have to laugh at me and the husband being 'perfect case study!'. We have spent the past 7 week since my 12 (13!) week can like crazed rabbits in the headlights! Nothing like wondering where 3 babies will fit in a house, car, working day etc!

I have to give credit to my husband for the 'job share' idea. It was one night when mulling the future (panicking again!) when I said 'I suppose we'd be better off with me not working with the cost of FT childcare, although a nanny may be cheaper'

He replied ' but you love working and there's no reason why we couldn't both work PT and share the childcare between us'

I think I loved him just that bit more at that moment.

batch cook is so easy we do it,4-6week.bag up in freezer. easy peasy
so dont book 1630 kids appts if youre at work?i dont have that palaver
there no have it all,we all compromise in some way

kids dont need a schedule of violin,mandarin,dance nor do parents need to ferry about like minicab

So theoretically scottishmummy if my career was working in an early years nursery setting for a fairly low wage should I then work outside the home jst to set an example to my children if t meant we were considerably worse off financially?

Or are you yourself not perpetuating the patriarchy by devaluing the role that I'm playing at home because I'm a female in a " traditional" female role?

Should DH stay at home and I go to work to prove a point, although that would then involve us having to claim some form of benefits that we don't at the moment?

Its not too hard once you get in to it rubyruby. We cook shepherds pies, lasangnes etc and have them in our freezer. We have 2 freezers so lots of space.

Then just share the rest of the load when dh is here I do it all on my own 4 days a week as dh isnt here any of their waking hours. Even with that I still have an active social life, and regular go on nights out or waste time on mn

I don't think scottishmummy is saying that anyone "should" work outside the home, merely that being a housewife at home is enacting a stereotypical role. It is not bad, it's just what it is. That makes sense to me.

do a bit more book readin fluffy,how can i devalue your housewife role by working?
patriarchy supports and endorses housewife,and doesnt support working women
you as housewife are enacting the patriarchy,your actions support it.mine dont undermine it

I'd love to be back at work, but if I went back FT (the only option to work my job effectively) with travelling time I'd not see DD Mon-Fri awake, and after transport costs we'd have less money than we started with - so it is cheaper for us if I do not work. Which makes me sad :(

I didn't say you devalue it by working. I asked if you were saying that a housewife makes no contribution to society or an individual family.

no parent compelled to ferry about to endless classes and 430appts,its choice
its made out at times as reason to work pt,to accommodate the lessons schedule
no one has it all.i never go on school trips or sport afternoon but then neither does dp