Women have their little careers till they have babies. Then they do as little as possible, preferably not working at all after that

[StealthPolarBear]

I am infuriated by this attitude which seems to be prevalent. After women have had babies they only work if they have to, and go part time if they can. But I can't put into words why I work - why wouldn't I? I work for the same reasons as I did before I had children. I work for the same reasons as DH works.
Either of us could give up work and we'd cope. But that was true pre-children. Women continuing to work FT seems to be a slur on their man's ability to 'provide'.

sweetkitty, this really isn't a WOHM/SAHM bunfight. I expect each family to make their own decisions and accept it's none of my business. What irritates me is the assumptions that it will be the woman who will take the hit and the assumption that all normal women want to cut down or stop working altogether after having a child.

No I agree, and have said that I don't mind derailing, I do enough of that myself. But I didn't really understand the issue of the after school activities - as far as I could see some people were using it as an explanation of why they'd cut down or stopped working. Which is fine, but what does it have to do with society's expectations. Which I think you have just answered.

Yes and accompanying expectation mum go pt or housewife.is that mum escort to activities
housewife from school commented with the face you've never been on any trips
has your dh been on any trips? i asked her.oh no she gasps ironically,he works.

Thing is, most of the attitude u describe I find from women. Much is evident of it as well on mn too. Which makes sense if its a microcosm of society.

Men I find just dont think about it. Ever. Women do, they just do extremely little to assist or worse, do the old well I had it shit so can u.

Many of the worst attitudes I've ever come across are women to women in working world.

Not true. Women assume that other women will go paryt time. Men assume they and other men will work full time and dedicate their time to their career and the women around them will on the whole, sort out the childcare. IME, anyway.

90% of roles could be done differently from 9-5 mon-fri for example but we accept over years of training that they never wil be.

Unless that belief that roles can be structured differently now with the additional tools of laptops/iPads etc alters I'm unsure how things will change?

As i said the only jip ive had about ft work is from women,the face,the why have em
It's all part of presumed maternal guilt and if anyone giving something up it's mum
And it's well embedded on mn,accompanied by research from shitsville uni

i hated being at home

babies are like leeches

not a lot of people feel like me though tbh

Stealth.

I suppose I am not able to to fully relate to your OP has it isn't something I find a lot of today tbh. Although, obviously I'm not denying it exists.
I had my first dc over 21 years ago and found it pretty much like that then. Childcare was not easily available and society did really expect women to either have a little job for pin money or sah. They were certainly expected to fit in with their dh. There were the mc workers who were paying full price for childcare but were the minority rather than the majority.
I had quite a shock when first coming on these threads to find i was in a minority group and indeed that far more families had both parents working. I too thought, but what about the kids. I wasn't being mean but the shift in society and my own upbringing and values put upon parenting were different to this. So maybe you don't see the huge improvements that I see, far more choices, more childcare provision.
I'm not saying its hunky dory, obviously still a way to go, but the difference in the last 20+ years to me is hugely significant.
Who knows where we will be in another 20 years.

Er not in my experience. Cannot believe I've met the only women who do this. Men just assume the actual status quo won't alter. Often times I'm not sure they are wrong!

Have to say, this "assumption" business is pissing me off a bit now. So fucking what if people "assume?" I just don't get why people don't thank their lucky stars they live in a country where couples are able to talk as equal partners and decide how divide up labour in and out of the house.
If anyone feels the need to comment, what's wrong with a polite "it works for us, thanks." ?

So it irritates you that I'm irritated?

What I think is that it really doesn't matter what other people ASSUME. Why does it?

I would be interested to know how working patterns have changed in the last 30 years.
When I was in primary school (1980s) those friends at school who didn't have a parent at home to go to straight after school were a tiny minority. There were no afterschool clubs either, most went to a grandparent's and there were a few childminders but not many. I don't know if this was my area or a national picutre.

[my mum worked nightshift and dad worked from home so it's not that all those families had a sAHP).

We do talk. I am pleased we can. Its better than when i started work, might be great by time dds grandchildten do work! Just "the rules" make many of us compromise in order to keep us fitting in without rocking the boat. I'd like to change those rules is all I'm sayin' I'd like it better, now.

But I'm impatient. ;)

Stuffez because society's assumptions can limit real people. They can make girls think that that is what is expected of them. They allow a generation of men to believe that their career take precendence. And they cause me to scream myself hoarse in my head. :o Having something important to you dismissed is quite irritating - and rightly so I'd say.

badguider, I too went to a CM. I wasn't aware of nurseries as there are now, although of course there may have been. My dad worked 9-5 and my mum shifts so the CM was there as a stopgap.

After all if the majority of people assume that girls will grow up to be nurses, and boys will grow up to be the doctors, I'd consider that something to get annoyed about.

Or ur in a job where it's irrelevant?

Gosh do I wish that for my dds....

I don't understand that

My assumption when I was growing up was that I was going to work and never wanted to get married and didn't want children. Now I'm married with two kids and working as a childminder. Sometimes life just takes its own course...

But when I go back home (where childcare is very cheap, available, not perfect but very much subsidised) nearly all mums go back to work.
It's a debate on many other boards but I know from experience that if childcare is very cheap, most women will go back to work. When the new childcare system was introduced (about 15 years ago) the working culture changed overnight. It costs about £5 a day - a DAY - to send a child to a state run nursery.

Then surely the work issue needs discussing before having babies, because i could NEVER have a child with a man who believed his career was any more "special" than mine.
I'd be interested to know from people on here who received snotty, nosy comments about working post birth, whether those comments came from men or women.
I know as a childless woman, my experience is limited, but I do think we are lucky to live in a country where couples can make the decision themselves.

And if I did have children I genuinely can't imagine giving two flying fucks what anyone thought of my decision to work.

Yes, agree with that. Just to clarify again, I am not talking particularly about snotty comments directed at me. I'm talking about conversations that have involved the phrases "well of course she'll be looking to go back part time", "Hopoefully he will get a job and then she won't have to return to work" "Don't you find it hard, working full time with a husband and two children?"