"So for me the DV is a part of the agend/portfolio that I personally can't get my head around. It's not feminism, It's not feminists it's just a personal issue for me. "
I'm going to have a go at putting this statement into a feminist context....
I completely get that you for you it seems that your DV experience was just 2 individuals and the police that just sorted it out but there is a wider context to why you happened to become a victim of abuse from a male perpetrator and there are a few things in your post that may join the dots as to why feminists do see DV as a gender issue.
You say that DV happens women to men - this is an arguable point. There are many statistics out there and it depends on how they are presented and many who work in the DV field say the level of female to male abuse cases are very low. My opinion of the statistics is that there are cases of female to male violence, however on analysis approx. 50% of these cases are reported as incidents where the women was feeling threatened by the man they attacked. So the stats may not be straightforward. Also the incidence of female to male violence is significantly smaller than male to female / or male to male violence. Males are overwhelmingly the perpetrators of violence in our culture.
Also, the statistics do not really account for what an abusive relationship entails - financial abuse (withholding finances to control freedom), sexual abuse (coersive or forced sexual activity), emotional abuse (verbal destruction, gaslighting)
As to why males are the main perpertrators of violence.......this is a direct quote from the Women's Aid website....
Abusers choose to behave violently to get what they want and gain control. Their behaviour often originates from a sense of entitlement which is often supported by sexist, racist, homophobic and other discriminatory attitudes.
Domestic violence against women by men is 'caused' by the misuse of power and control within a context of male privilege. Male privilege operates on an individual and societal level to maintain a situation of male dominance, where men have power over women and children. Perpetrators of domestic violence choose to behave abusively to get what they want and gain control. Their behaviour often originates from a sense of entitlement which is often supported by sexist, racist, homophobic and other discriminatory attitudes. In this way, domestic violence by men against women can be seen as a consequence of the inequalities between men and women, rooted in patriarchal traditions that encourage men to believe they are entitled to power and control over their partners.
If we look at individual cases of DV, yes, there are individual circumstances and differences, but generally they can be applied to the problematic patriarchal structure of inequality that exists in our society.
Another quote I like is this one - it shows that all the things we take for granted, the things we internalise as 'normal' have a context, a reason, a history and never "just exist".
?Ideally, what should be said to every child, repeatedly, throughout his or her school life is something like this: 'You are in the process of being indoctrinated. We have not yet evolved a system of education that is not a system of indoctrination. We are sorry, but it is the best we can do. What you are being taught here is an amalgam of current prejudice and the choices of this particular culture. The slightest look at history will show how impermanent these must be. You are being taught by people who have been able to accommodate themselves to a regime of thought laid down by their predecessors. It is a self-perpetuating system. Those of you who are more robust and individual than others will be encouraged to leave and find ways of educating yourself ? educating your own judgements. Those that stay must remember, always, and all the time, that they are being moulded and patterned to fit into the narrow and particular needs of this particular society.?
― Doris Lessing, The Golden Notebook