Two questions for you about housework-replies much appreciated

[arequipa]

How many of you can say your DP/DH does

a) their fair share of housework - this may not be half but what they may reasonably be expected to do if working longer hours outside the home than you
b) half the housework
I mean really half, including tidying up after other people, noticing and dealing with dusty corners and unclean fridges, planning and shopping for meals not just cooking them....

And (I've sneaked a third question in here) how much do you think women being in this role enhances their self-esteem and confidence in the big world out there??

a) yes
b) probably a bit more than 50%

We both work ft, albeit I do my hours compressed over 4 days. We have a cleaner and a gardener.

He does:-

all cooking, meal planning and shopping
50% washing up
80% ironing
50% nursery drops / collects
all DIY
small gardening jobs
bins
his own admin

I do:-

all laundry
80% tidying up
20% ironing
50% washing up
50% nursery drops etc
all cleaning that my cleaner doesn't do or inbetween cleaning eg. bathroom, fridge, tidying cupboards, quick hoover round before guests
my admin and DS admin e.g. sorting nursery fees, appointments, etc (although we will agree between us who attends these appointments).

He is a messy bugger though who tends to just drop things where he is standing and wonders why they don't magically put themselves away. His baseline standard for house needs hoovering / tidying is much lower than mine as well. This would be a problem if he didn't pull his weight but as he does I'm quite happy to hang his coat up for him.

Before we had a cleaner and gardener I did all the cleaning and DH did all the gardening. I used to get quite resentful at the weekends when he used to potter round the garden enjoying himself whilst I cleaned the house which I loathed. So we got a cleaner, which sorted out my resentment, then DH got resentful in turn, so we got a gardener!

My self esteem is very much based around my job satisfaction and therefore if I was a SAHM and responsible for all the housework I would feel like a skivvy.

Sorry for the unclear third question, I was being ironic. Thanks,I've had lots of interesting answers (also posted on Relationships) and it seems that few women are as fedup about it as I am.

How so? Do you want to talk about it?

1.) No
2.) No

3.) It has no effect on my self-esteem. I also work ft and am the only breadwinner so I'm not a housewife. I have a cleaner which helps a bit, but I do 90% of the remaining housework and all admin and financial stuff

What does your DH do?

Plays computer games :(

In his (slight) defence he have sole care of DS 1 day a week, gets up with him on Sundays so I get a lie in and does about 50% of nappy changes, feeds, baths etc during the nights and weekends

Sorry catgirl' - that's actually a bit shit for you. :(

DH and I have recently swapped. He was the SAHP and I was the sole breadwinner.

He had sole charge of 2 preschoolers 5 full days a week, kept the house, cooked me fabulous meals each night, did all the night time get-ups during the week and we had a weekend lie in each.

He did this, because that's what I do when I was the SAHP, so fair's fair.

Eek, I keep forgetting to remember how rare this sort of thing is in men. I take it for granted, and in fact, still feel a bit short-changed at times (see earlier post).

I'd be urging him to step up to the plate. Or at the very least, earning a bit of dosh on the days he's not caring for your child.

He's now looking for a job (first time in 3 years after getting made redundant and the getting depressed and in a rut)

It has been pretty shit, :( but I'm hoping things are turning around now and on the plus side he was home all the time with me and DS when he was born rather than a quick 2 weeks paternity leave and was brilliant with us both (just not the house), so I will always be thankful we all had that time to bond and that he is a great and hands on dad. Just want him to get a job now for his own self esteem and pride

Your DH sounds great :)

That's great - fingers crossed for him. :)

Thank you :)

It was always about 50/50 in our house until I went on Maternity leave with DS. Then things seemed much more confused about whose 'job' housework was, and it seemed reasonable that I did more.

When I went back to work FT though, DH continued doing very little and I was so we sat down and wrote out a list of every household job we could think of, and then who did it routinely. (Can't remember where I got this idea, could even have been on here!) The evidence was there, DH was surprised - I think he had just forgotten how much needed doing to keep the house reasonable.

Now we do our fair share again - he does all washing, I do all cooking (both prefer those jobs) split hoovering, he tends to clean kitchen/stack dishwasher/put stuff away, I tend to do bedroom tidy/cleaning. He also does more 'deep' cleaning, but less often, whilst I do more quick wipe round maintenance type cleaning - again, suits our personalities!

yes
yes
he does way more than half tbh but don't tell him.
we both work self employed part time and share childcare down the middle, I do more when he's busy and vice versa.
haven't read whole thread sorry but don't understand q 3

1. Yes. Actually he does way more than his fair share. I think he spoils me
2. Hard to quantify but he prob does do at least half even though he works ft and I'm a SAHM
3. Not sure I understand, but... If DH thought he was entitled to more leisure time than me or was happy to see me run myself ragged cleaning up after him then that would definitely affect my self esteem. I do get a pleasing sense of achievement from making the bathroom nice and sparkly so that probably adds to my self esteem a bit [saddo]

a) yes
b) yes

There are things where I do more / he does more, but straight housework (in so far as it gets done) / cooking / washing up is 50:50

We both work together running our own business, so tbh if one person does more domestic stuff then the other will end up doing more work in the business, IYSWIM.

These days now dd is older I probably do spend more time with her in the holidays as our interests overlap more (ie DH doesn't do water where he can't touch the bottom) but when she was younger & it was straight 'childcare' we split it evenly.

OH doesn't do his share unless prompted. If I don't prompt him and go about doing it all then it does negatively affect my self esteem as I'm doing quite menial tasks for him but he isn't for me.

Oh, and as for diy, etc., I support him doing these, they are mainly his tasks, but house cleaning is much, much more frequent so I don't consider it an even split if he were to just do one and me the other.

My DH does more than me around the house. To be fair, we both work long hours and so we have a cleaner who keeps the house spotless. But he does all the cooking and he's the one at the weekends who puts clothes through the wash and keeps the kitchen clean. I hate house work and tend to do less of it. I'm better at e.g. things like sorting mortgages etc so I do that stuff. On balance he contributes more to the running of the house than me.

1. he did equal halves when we both worked and now does all the washing and some tidying now he works and I don't. He also does his fair share of the childcare (bathing, playing, making meals) I don't have a problem with my self esteem, I know what I'm worth, I appreciate him and he appreciates me.

I'd say my DH does at least half, despite working double the hours I do, he always has done, for the last 30 years. He does half the cooking and 100% of the baking too.
I also make him go food shopping with me on a Sunday because if I went on my own in the week I would kill people
There is no household task he wouldn't do , there are plenty I won't

Yes and yes. More than half as he does all the 'thinking' sude of housewirk like planning of meals and shopping lists and most of the cooking. I'm far too chaotic!

a - yes, we both hate cleaning and ironing and divide it equally between us - both work full time with one son still at home.

b- No because he doesn't do the shopping and cooking, but he does do the garden and fence painting etc. I much prefer to attend to the food side of familoy life, so that suits both of us fine.

My mother thinks I am cruel to have made both sons do their own washing and ironing.

A- yes he does his fair share.
B- yes he does about half.

a) yes
b) at least half prob more

I do all clothes washing, clean bathrooms 1x week, ironing 1 or 2 x week. Nursery and school runs 95% of the time, food shopping online. Cook kids tea when not eating with us so 4x week.

He does vacuuming 1x week, cooks evening meal almost every night and all tidying up after, all sorts of diy jobs as soon as they come up so leaky taps, fixing kids bikes, minor car repairs etc etc. Also any sewing on his own clothes and ironing 1x week. No-one does dusting and when his mum made a comment aboute repairing his shirts for him early on in our relationship he pointed out she had taught him how to do it and it wasn't my job.

Throughout both my mat leaves he carried on with cooking etc and didn't expect me to turn into a housewife just because I was now a mum.