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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

Random men speaking to you

767 replies

enimmead · 02/12/2012 09:38

I'm sure men don't randomly speak to other men in the street. Strangers. So why the hell do they feel they have to speak to random women. I don't think it's got anything to do with chatting up.

Yesterday, I saw a 20 something bloke with his mates slip in front of me on the ice. As I got out, he said "Hi love, did you see that!!!" I'm could be his mum bit older than him. Why speak to me? I just smiled but I bet he wouldn't' have said anything if I'd been male.

Just walking down the street, other side of the road bloke smiles and says "Hi love". No idea who he was.

Do blokes do this to other random blokes?

OP posts:

amillionyears · 02/12/2012 21:43

re boots. See, I would have said, "yes I like them too. I bought them in xxx" or something like that.
And then seen what he had to say. But I always wear my engagement ring and wedding when out and about, so no doubt that I am married.
So, I suppose, thinking about it, everything may be different for a single woman.

yes, 2nd paragraph, totally different. But not what we were talking about on this thread.

LapsusLinguae · 02/12/2012 21:44

LRD - I think she's done an 'Xmas' namechange?

LRDtheFeministDude · 02/12/2012 21:45

Ah, ok.

amillionyears · 02/12/2012 21:45

LRD, this has to be the same poster. She posts the same.
But I am very surprised to see the slight name change. I thought she would never change.

LRDtheFeministDude · 02/12/2012 21:45

amillion - I wear my wedding ring, I can't say it's made a blind bit of difference. But maybe you meet more observant men than me.

LRDtheFeministDude · 02/12/2012 21:46

Sorry, it didn't even occur to me it was the same poster. Obviously I didn't read carefully enough. I just assumed a newbie who'd registered in 2012.

I am rubbish at similar names.

WithTheDude · 02/12/2012 21:53

Wearing a wedding ring has nothing to do with it.

LRDtheFeministDude · 02/12/2012 21:54

It's just occured to me 'a blind bit' is probably a phrase I shouldn't use. Sorry.

FromEsme · 02/12/2012 22:02

SP to you a man saying hi isn't intimidating. Nor me. Not the case for everyone, unfortunately.

I don't think a man saying hi was ever the issue though.

Leithlurker · 02/12/2012 22:12

See thats why conversations like this are so much about perceived slights and not about anything near as dire as people make out.

Blind people, people with visual impairments, disabled people in general, the majority of those that care for all those people could not, will not, and would piss themselves silly laughing at the thought that they would ever be offended by that statement LRD, in the scale of things its not even on the radar. Just like all this huffing and puffing because some women see a slight or a power play in every day activities. You want power play try going out and have people talk to anyone BUT you thats power.

LRDtheFeministDude · 02/12/2012 22:14

leith, do you mind not talking for everyone else? You may not take offence but there's no need to be rude because I'm concerned I might have upset someone.

What an arrogant attitude you have - you're calling other people's (legitimate) feelings 'huffing and puffing' and 'perceived slights', but (with no apparent sense of irony), you're saying it's terrible when you get ignored.

Why do you deserve such special treatment, may I ask?

WithTheDude · 02/12/2012 22:16

Except for the fact that sexual harassment and sexualised violence are very real experiences for many women who find these types of comments intimidating.

It really is depressing listening to men mansplain away women's very real thoughts as irrelevant.

amillionyears · 02/12/2012 22:22

LRD, not sure if you think you may have upset me. You certainly havent.

madwomanintheattic · 02/12/2012 22:24

Xenia, yes,. Chatting is different. But the op was just a comment made by a bloke who'd embarrassed himself. He wasn't being patronising, chatting the op up, or anything derogatory. And she was offended at the fact he had had the temerity to speak to her.

So, it could be said that the thread isn't what the op was talking about...

I dunno, tbh. I think she tries to post the same way as Xenia. the fact that a namechange is involved makes me question the authenticity a bit, lol.

It's a bit like the BBC deciding to rebrand. Unlikely...

LRDtheFeministDude · 02/12/2012 22:24

I'm glad of that.

I didn't have any particular poster in mind, I just realized this is a phrase I would rather not use, and I felt bad about having used it, so thought best to acknowledge that.

exoticfruits · 02/12/2012 22:31

OP was a bit different than chatting up. I tripped and fell into a hedge- felt a real fool (but not hurt) and felt constrained to say something to the passerby who happened to be a teenage boy. I'm sure that had I slipped on ice I would have made a passing comment to whoever was passing, regardless of gender and age- and wouldn't have imagined they would be on an Internet forum saying that the world would be a better place if everyone kept their comments to themselves!

exoticfruits · 02/12/2012 22:33

Or maybe it is just young men who can't make comments- as a middle aged woman perhaps it is allowed?

LRDtheFeministDude · 02/12/2012 22:37

But no-one is saying the world would be a better place if everyone kept their comments to themselves, are they? That's just a made-up argument because you don't like the one that's actually being put forward.

Original poster

enimmead · 02/12/2012 22:40

But I bring you back to the OP. It's one of many comments that are made to me predominantly by men.

He had his mates who he'd talked to. Maybe he was just trying to be friendly. But I honestly do not think he'd have said anything to me if I'd been a bloke. Why? I'd have just got out the car and carried on.

He probably was just trying to be friendly. But it's just one example of many when random men just make comments out of the blue in the street to me that women just don't do.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 02/12/2012 22:42

OP doesn't like the fact she was spoken to by a stranger. I can't see why we can't speak to strangers- he seemed perfectly friendly to me - it was a simple one off comment. Was I terrifically rude because I made a comment to a young lad when I fell in a hedge?

exoticfruits · 02/12/2012 22:45

I do make random comments- I didn't realise, before today,that I was supposed to know people, had to worry about gender and age and if I had friends with me it was taboo because I could have spoken to them!

Original poster

enimmead · 02/12/2012 22:45

exotic I did not like being called love by a 20 year old bloke.

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDude · 02/12/2012 22:45

We can speak to strangers.

The OP didn't like the fact she reckons men speak to women in a way women don't speak to men or other women, and she didn't feel comfortable with it.

Lots of other women have explained they've also felt uncomfortable with gendered interactions like this; lots of other women have said no, they don't get it and don't care.

I don't see anyone saying 'let's not bother talking to strangers, ever', so it's a bit sly to pretend that argument is being made.

CaseyShraeger · 02/12/2012 22:45

I slipped over in the park today, then got up and made a flippant self-deprecating remark to a stranger who was passing and would have seen the fall. I'm female, he (as it happens) was male. I'd have said exactly the same if he'd been female.

exoticfruits · 02/12/2012 22:50

It doesn't bother me.

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