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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

In this day and age! A thread for unbelievably obvious examples of sexism.

432 replies

blackcurrants · 18/09/2012 12:31

A thread for "I can't believe that just happened to me! In this day and age!"

Yesterday we spent about 40 minutes in a Toyota dealership, looking to spend about $10k on a used car. The salesman only asked DH's name, only wrote down DH's number, and only talked to DH about the cars available. DH kept referring to me, asking my opinion, and generally looking uncomfortable. Eventually DH snatched back his license from the salesman and said "No, I don't think so. Let's go." And as I turned I added "Joe? Thank you for your help today. I work in sales and I wanted you to know that since I walked in here you haven't asked me a single question, or addressed me directly even once. At one point you walked away from me, talking to my husband about the next car you were showing us, so that I couldn't hear what you said. I just want you to know that I earn more than my husband (actually not yet true, but soon will be!), I know more about cars than my husband (v.true), and you acted like I didn't exist. Which is why we're leaving."

When I got into our car, DH was cheering. We drove 5 miles away and bought a nissan.

As we were doing the dishes last night, talking about this, DH said "I do hope you tell Mumsnet about it." Grin he knows me so well.

OP posts:
Goatbongosanonymous · 21/09/2012 06:35

Incident 1:
After getting my PhD, I changed the title on my Bank card to Dr. Was in the supermarket buying groceries and handed card to checkout woman to pay. She looked at it and said, "Oh, you can't use your husband's card."

Incident 2:
I was explaining to a friend that I shared a primary school class with a boy who had the male version of my name - cue much hilarity from the other kids who liked to mix us up. Friend said, "that must have been a pain for you both, but of course much much worse for him, really psychologically damaging."

Incident 3:
Being sent this by email in my (single) mid-30s:
?Women are like apples on trees, the best ones are on the top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and don't want to get hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't so good but easy. So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top becuase they value quality.?

seeker · 21/09/2012 06:58

I remember somebody came looking for me at work once. He said to a colleague "I'm looking for that woman with the red hair who sometimes sits in the manager's office"

My team never let me forget that one!

MousyMouse · 21/09/2012 08:05

my office.
big company.
the is not a single job that couldn't be done by either gender, but still the management board is mainly male, the department managers are all male with one exeption. secretaries are all female with one exeption....

HazleNutt · 21/09/2012 08:10

Seeker Grin

This keeps happening, mostly with a bit older people but not always:
Me and DH chat with another couple we haven't met. They ask DH all about his work. Oh so you're an engineer? Working for that company, yes we know it, very interesting. Hazle, you must be very proud.
After 20 minutes: oh, by the way, and Hazle, do you do anything as well, or not?
Me: yes, I'm in the management of the same company.

  • Oh..[silence]
Nobody ever says that DH must be very proud. Although he is.
BlingLoving · 21/09/2012 08:22

Thought of another funny one.

Dh and I leaving for trip away. I am driving. 3 yr old niece says, "are YOU driving?!". Completely shocked. I told her yes I was because I am a better long distance driver! I hope she remembers!

BartletForTeamGB · 21/09/2012 10:35

You can use whatever name you want when you are a medical or PhD doctor. Changing your name with the GMC is very easy (just sent in my marriage certificate) so I could be Dr Married-name, although my first and second degrees are in Dr Maiden-name. As for a PhD and publications, I do have my name on my CV as "Firstname Bartlet AllTheLettersAfterMyName" then below that in smaller letters "formerly Firstname Maiden-name" so it all matches up.

nickeldaisical · 21/09/2012 10:40

when i was in the hospital, post-birth, i assumed everyone in blue was a midwife and every one in green was a doctor. (my main doctor (person in green) was a woman. )
i have no idea how many weren't.

nickeldaisical · 21/09/2012 10:43

re: the doctorate - pleas e see my last post on the subject - i was wrong, you can change it, but you have to do it officially, not just start calling yourself Dr marriedname. :)

nickeldaisical · 21/09/2012 10:44

(when i say officially, i mean inform the relevant bodies)

enimmead · 21/09/2012 12:30

Why is it loads of men seem to think they have the right to say something to you when you're walking by them on the street? A man yesterday was on the other side of the pavement and just said "Hello, love" as I was walking along minding my own business. I don't feel the need to say "Hello, darling" to every bloke I see. Do men do that to other men Confused

vezzie · 21/09/2012 12:31

housework
housework housework housework

grrrrrrr

housework

that is all

meddie · 21/09/2012 12:47

My mother. comments in the last week include

'you're his mum, dont let him go out looking scruffy, you should iron his clothes for him' (regarding my 23 year old son)

You know your problem (on being single by choice) you need to stop being so bloody clever, men don't like clever women, just because you can change a wheel doesn't mean you should, act a bit daft, smile a lot, before you know it you will get a new boyfriend.

I,ve took some of your washing as I had none to do, (my sons, not my daughters incidentally, though both of them are adults and they know how to use a machine).

'Lucy asked for a new mouse for her computer for her birthday, I got her one with only 2 buttons on so it wont be hard to use' (shes a graduate from a red brick uni, it drives her mental)

If we didn't laugh it would make us cry.

grimbletart · 21/09/2012 13:44

Quietly said Oh well as a med student you will have this to look forward to
Relative or Nurse says to patient "well did you see the doctor?"
Answer "well I saw the lady doctor"

The fact that there are now more women in med. school than men has just made me have this fantasy...

Relative or nurse says to a patient "well did you see the doctor?"
Answer "Well I saw the gentleman doctor."

As I said, just a fantasy. Grin

HazleNutt · 21/09/2012 13:48

ha meddie I've had the same - "don't be so bloody smart and capable, act helpless and dumb, that's the way to catch a man. "

Possibly, yes. But what the heck will I then do with a man who wants a fragile flower for a wife? He'll run like wind once I show my true colours.

neverquitesure · 21/09/2012 13:57

Just thought of another one, a couple of weeks back DS's nursery school teachers (both women as it happens) come round for our home visit. DH was working, but I did mention that they would see him the next morning as he drops DS off for his first day.

I get told "the PTA are always looking for bright enthusiastic young things like you to get involved, perhaps you might consider joining"

The next morning DH gets told "we love to see the Dad's. Did you know they are looking for new (school) governors? Perhaps you might put yourself forward"

WTF?

drjohnsonscat · 21/09/2012 13:59

The Today Programme. All of it.

I listen to r5 breakfast instead. Surprisingly good.

drjohnsonscat · 21/09/2012 14:01

Not read the whole thread but Shock at goatbong's card.

enimmead · 21/09/2012 14:10

drjohnsonscat - agree with you about Today programme. Only heard 1 woman being interviewed this morning. And she was an actress. The rest was all men being interviewed.

Original poster
blackcurrants · 21/09/2012 14:36

Oh yes! And it's SUCH a shame because the Today programme could (and should!) be so good. I used to love it but then one day I started counting.

Do I remember something about The Today Project where people actually counted the number of women, and reported it regularly? I wonder if that's still going on.

OP posts:
drjohnsonscat · 21/09/2012 14:49

Also this is where the Today programme really is made worse by being so male. IMHO all things are worse by not having women in them but the Today programme is particularly noticeable because they are by and large the same age and style of man (though the introduction of Evan and Justin has helped). So stuffy and think they are being witty when they say one slightly off-script thing and then they all chortle together.

Whereas I have been known to laugh out loud at r5. They have a male and female anchor and the woman has carved out her own personality in the show. The men acknowledge and make space for her and vice versa. It's normal but nice.

issimma · 21/09/2012 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wigeon · 21/09/2012 15:47

Ok, wise women, help me come up with a pithy facebook comment for a (childless) facebook acquaintance who has just posted this:

"My 3 year old nephew is clearly a feminist. One of the bedtime stories he chose for me to read to him tonight was Princess Smarty Pants. Right on, dude"

Huh? Surely in this day and age no one should even raise an eyebrow at a little boy choosing a book in which the protagonist is a girl?!

All I have come up with is "Funny that. In my household when my DD chooses Thomas the Tank Engine, or Robinson Crusoe, or Oliver who was small but mighty, we just call that "reading". Any better gentle yet witty put downs?!

drjohnsonscat · 21/09/2012 15:56

wigeon I think that's actually the last of the taboos. Letting boys see girls as normal. Letting them do what girls do. Letting them dress like girls if they want to.

When your acquaintance doesn't notice will be the moment it's all been done and dealt with. Sadly we are nowhere near. All we are dealing with is "women's issues" which leaves men the option of seeing them as belonging to that weird and slightly lesser sect of people who you definitely would not want to be mistaken for. Biggest humiliation in the world - a man behaving like or being taken for a woman.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 21/09/2012 15:59

Hmm I dunno Widgeon Princess Smartypants is often recommended on here as a feminist option so she might not have meant anything by it!

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