<SIGH> Come hold my hand and tell me to speak up

[NormaSparklerFlashBangAhhh]

I have been interviewing for a junior post at work (it is a skilled post probably paying 30k ish)

The team in this country is v male.

I am (or thought I was) well respected both inside and outside the company.

There is a fair amount of banter, some of it, well, probably sexist.

But the constant insistence from males at all levels of seniority that I 'choose a hot one', the 'was she pretty?. Yes? Then choose her' comments are getting me down.

Advice?

OK - have drafted the following...

"Just to let you know, I am going to ask the guys (including you) to stop the jokes about choosing the hot/pretty one. I know they are joking, but it is starting to make me uncomfortable, for three reasons really? 1 ? it seems to devalue the [POSITION] role, as if looks are more important than skills. 2 ? I would hate for whoever we take on to get wind of it. 3 ? I find it a rather disrespectful (sexist) to the current female employees.

Oh, and a fourth reason? we have obviously never used looks as a criteria for choosing the men who work in our office, you only have to look around the room to see the proof of that ;0)"

Comments?

Maybe instead of 'I am going to ask the guys' you could say 'I am asking'? It sounds more assertive IMO.

Personally, I wouldn't say it was making me uncomfortable, I'd say it was inappropriate (because otherwise it sounds as if you're saying it's a matter of personal taste).

But I am only quibbling. I think the reasons 1-3 come across very well.

i like the general approach & agree with LRD's coments.

however well you write this, there may be resistance to your stance, so you need to be prepared to stand your ground.

The I am going to ask the guys as I am not in until friday to do the asking

I will put it is inappropriate

I will stand my ground with no problem - I am known as the one who is not scared to speak her mind (if only they knew), and was told I was overbearing previously!

Tbh I would leave out the last sentence "never used looks as criteria...".

I think it turns it back round to being a joke, and they may take your request less seriously. It also kind of devalues your argument; you are asking them not to make comments based on looks, and then you do it yourself.

Don't feel like you have to conform and make this into something lighthearted when that's not the way you feel. You are pissed off, you have every right to be, and you have every right to bloody say it too!

excellent...i looked up overbearing because i started to wonder precisely what the word meant and google came up with 'walked with a prideful swagger'.

Norma - heres hoping you walk with a prideful swagger!

OK - have had this response

"Point taken and you're right the banter has gone on a bit, rather than you making the request I will do this tomorrow

Just for the record, looks would never influence a decision above appropriate skills - the [POSITION] role is key to the success of everything we do ...

Oh, that is good!

So it sounds as if you weren't the only one thinking along those lines (though I do hate the term 'banter', it seems mainly to be used by juvenile blokes trying to excuse unfunny comments).

Swagger!

Thank you :)

(the only reason I am seen as overbearing is that I have an opinion, which I will defend, and I am not a man)

Result

Banter. The technical term for the act of being a cunt.

pidjin I like that definition

Very good Boffinmum.

Brilliant!