Have ordered Wifework....slightly concerned about the after effects

[TheProvincialLady]

I hadn't encountered Wifework before lurking on the feminist boards, but it sounds so interesting that I have just ordered it from Amazon and I'm really looking forward to reading it. But at the same time a little concerned about what I will actually DO with the enhanced knowledge that I am a Wife.

I willingly gave up work when I had the DC. We both discussed this and it was what I had always thought would be the best thing for the children. 5 years later, we have two children and I work a few hours a week (and really enjoy it). But I am now basically responsible for all the housework, all of the time. And getting the children ready. My husband does help, but he is not responsible and I'm not sure how this happened. It affects my choice of job but not his, the hours I work but not his, etc. Before children I still did more housework - partly because our standards are somewhat different - but also because he was raised to do nothing in the way of housework and has an underlying belief that it gets done anyway.

Anyway, a slight resentment of all this has been bubbling under the surface for some years now I suppose, and now it is all about to come to a head when I read Wifework. As the children get older I want to work more hours outside the home and so DH and I will be more equal in that respect, and I can foresee a battle over the housework and the children. So how can I approach this in a constructive way?

I posted this on the feminist board because I value your opinions and would be interested in any theoretical stuff as well as practical advice. Thanks.

Well, the way our society is structured the men aren't usually going to be main carer of their children and I think both sexes know that.

But I don't think that means they wouldn't want to look after them full-time.

And I do think, ime, women don't want men to be the main-carers.

Isn't that the whole point though?

I mean, why else are we talking about this if not because the way society is structured is crappy?

hardly surprising though is it, given the conditioning and expectations, that even those women who would prefer not to be the main carer upon break up (admittedly may be rare) are not likely to act on it or say so?

what an insane sentence - less passive: it is not surprising that women who would rather not be the main carer wouldn't act on that or say so given social expectations and conditioning.

can't make it sound right.

i don't think we can possibly know what men and women really want in these situations and compare them when their expressed wants/needs/etc are so socially judged and people say/think/do what is expected of them to a large extent.