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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Why do so many people think Ms means divorced?

87 replies

KeepingAwayFromTheJoneses · 14/07/2011 14:20

My mail was delivered to a nosey person in my street by mistake and she is now telling everyone who will listen that I am divorced. I have been Ms for over 20 years and it was in common use before that. So why do so many people think it means I am divorced? What's more, they seem to think it is a compulsory title forced upon divorced women as some sort of badge of shame Hmm. What is this about?

I lived in an academic environment before I moved here and never had this problem, but where I live now it is a common belief. They also think they are doing me a favour by calling me Mrs, to save me from the shame of being Ms.

OP posts:
Himalaya · 17/07/2011 11:36

Chibi - that's good. I'm glad it's not like my experience all over.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 17/07/2011 11:43

Being a 'Ms' is not about being ashamed of being married, or ashamed of not being married, for that matter. For me it's just a choice that makes me equal to men in the sense that, just as their title doesn't reveal their marital status, neither does mine.

And good post, skrumle!

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 17/07/2011 13:36

Oooh, himalaya, I know what you mean about signing off letters and people reading it as catsbumface.

I wrote recently to a very patronizing librarian asking to see something in a college library (and from my letter of introduction it was clear I had more than the requisite qualifications to understand this material and they way it's catalogued). He wrote back ticking me off for using the casual terminology not the formal version (something I'd have learned in week one of the course and obviously knew) and called me 'Miss'. I wrote straight back with a letter signing of 'LRD (Ms)' and I am sure he thought I was a right sour bitch. Grin

OddBoots · 17/07/2011 13:42

Oh I am glad that ds' head teacher is a Ms, that's a (very big) school worth of children and parents who might learn that 'Ms' has no hidden meaning.

NoWayNoHow · 17/07/2011 13:43

I think it's just a genuine misconception and misunderstanding of the title "Ms". Basically your neighbour would be using the rationale that if you weren't or hadn't been married you'd be "Miss" and if you were you'd be "Mrs" so the only possible explanation for "Ms" is someone who is neither of the above, and therefore must be divorced.

Many, many people think that's what Ms is for -maybe educate your neighbour (although it sounds like you have more than a few issues with her!)

aliceliddell · 17/07/2011 16:32

Presumably this means all men are ashamed of being married since they don't usually take their wife's name? Ironically, since dp is knownto be dd's biological father and dd has my last name, dp is 'Mr Liddell' though we are not married, because obviously - his kid, his name. Hmm

redfoxy · 17/07/2011 16:33

I had a CRB check done just in the last few weeks, and no return for being a "not married" Ms. and not filling out any other names so perhaps they have now been "informed". We live in hope...

uninspired · 17/07/2011 18:21

I can clearly remember at school when we were learning how to format a letter being told that Ms was used for "divorcee" status Hmm this was the 70s though.

uninspired · 17/07/2011 18:22

Oh and I am married, I did change my last name out of choice, I do use Ms but don't wear a wedding ring, whereas DH does.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 17/07/2011 23:46

That's really good, redfoxy.

I am not married and don't have children, but I hopt to do both of these things. If/when I do, I will go from being Ms Miasmas to ...er, well, still Ms Miasmas. It's my name and I don't want to change it, for all the practical and emotional reasons a man doesn't usually want to change his name when he gets married. Wouldn't make me any "less" married though.

Some people must wonder why men bother to get married, if they're not going to change their names. Anyone? No?

wannabefree · 18/07/2011 13:16

I've been using 'Ms' since I first heard of it, at age 16 or so. I thought it was really unfair that women had to display their marital status, whereas men didn't, and I'm really shocked that so many people think it means you're divorced!

Cut and pasted from an online dictionary:

1.a title of respect prefixed to a woman's name or position: unlike Miss or Mrs., it does not depend upon or indicate her marital status.

2.a title prefixed to a mock surname that is used to represent possession of a particular attribute, identity, etc., especially in an idealized or excessive way: Ms. Cooperation.

?Usage note
Ms. came into use in the 1950s as a title before a woman's surname when her marital status was unknown or irrelevant. In the early 1970s, the use of Ms. was adopted and encouraged by the women's movement, the reasoning being that since a man's marital status is not revealed by the title Mr., there is no reason that a woman's status should be revealed by her title.

Since then Ms. has gained increasing currency, especially in business and professional use. Some women prefer the traditional Miss (still fully standard for a woman whose marital status is unknown and for an unmarried woman) or, when appropriate, Mrs.

Newspaper editors sometimes reject Ms. except in quoted matter. Others use whichever of the three titles a woman prefers if her preference is known. Increasingly, newspapers avoid the use of all three titles by referring to women by their full names in first references ( Sarah Brady; Margaret Bourke-White ) and by surname only, as with men, in subsequent references: Brady, Bourke-White. Since all three titles? Ms., Miss, and Mrs. ?remain in use, the preference of the woman being named or addressed or the practice of the organization or publication in which the name is to appear is often followed.

YouWithTheFace · 18/07/2011 15:18

I've been Ms since school, too ? and made the nursery change the account just last week from Miss Face + Mr HisName to Ms! In my head, Miss = Master, and Ms = Mr. Mrs is a courtesy title you can choose to use if you wish. My husband's traditionally minded extended family didn't quibble about the Ms, they were in such shock that I didn't change my name! (but very polite to the madwoman :) )

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