Am struggling with what it is to be a feminist.....

[K999]

I have posted, over the past few days on this topic....despite really knowing fuck all about it!

Have been on the porn thread and have had a complete rethink on a lot of issues.

My question is two fold...

(1) I am not sure what being a feminist really entails....

And

(2) if I like wearing make/up, shaving, showing a bit of cleavage, does this mean I am letting myself, as a woman, down??

I am confused.....

Thanks

No more confused than I was when I first found the board!

You can probably answer the second question yourself by having a read of this thread. It is an experiment that's going on, not so that we all become hairy-legged feminists for ever more, but to see what things we did automatically rather than by true choice. Then challenging the default (largely media-created) setting for "female". That's a big part of what feminism is for me.

What do you mean by "entails"? Do you mean "what do I do?" or "what does it mean?"

Oh forgot to say, a few books have been recommended to me so will read up!

I think I mean what it means!!

From white dog poo to feminisim...only on mumsnet

Being a feminist is very open to interpretation.

If you want to be part of it, and you are here, then you already are - by me.

I have learnt a lot from these boards - and elsewhere, but that was after I had started considering myself a feminist. There are no entrance exams (i hope).

This was one of the things that really hit home and caused me to stand up and be counted as a feminist:

Women's Rights Manifesto from NOW

Because woman's work is never done
and is underpaid
or unpaid
or boring
or repetitious
and we're the first to get fired
and what we look like is more important than what we do
and if we get raped it's our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we're nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we're nymphos
and if we don't we're frigid
and if we love women
it's because we can't get a "real" man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions
we're neurotic and/or pushy
and if we expect childcare we're selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we're aggressive
and "unfeminine"
and if we don't we're typical weak females
and if we want to get married we're out to trap a man
and if we don't we're unnatural
and because we still can't get an adequate safe contraceptive
but men can walk on the moon
and if we can't cope
or don't want a pregnancy
we're made to feel guilty about abortion

and

...for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women's liberation movement.

Welcome k999 :)

I'm on that thread being utterly useless at resisting femininity but acknowledging that I'm aware that the make-up, shaving, dyeing, perfuming is down to societal pressure not some innate female need to have my hair ripped out. I've not been told off for that. So you're OK - no-one is going to make you grow your eyebrows.

LIT....what can I say? Am always full of questions and have a wicked sense of humour!

Oooo. AyeRobot. I have never read that. Thank you. It made me want to shout 'horay'

Thanks AyeRobot....still digesting and trying to get my head round it.

I think what I find hard is the "clumping" together of all these ideas....ie we are all different and as women have all had different experiences....does that make sense?

re 2, no you're not letting yourself down.
We all do these things for a variety of reasons. Sometimes once you have looked into the reasons you ditch some of the things, sometimes you don't, and you certainly don't have to, because you still have to live in the patriarchy. We've all internalised ideas about what looks good (eg I think I look very fetching in my Cath Kidston tea dress because it is such a beautiful fit, which is totally related to the idea that women have to be a certain shape and have to show off that shape so they can be looked at) and if we want to be happy it helps to have a kind of harmony between what we look like and what we want to look like. However feminism often changes what you think looks good (eg since reading Sheila Jeffreys I can't see high heels without thinking how deferent they make women look, rather than empowered, so I would just feel silly in them now) so you find yourself thinking you don't look good in the original stuff anyway.

I find analysing beauty practices really interesting, personally, but if you don't, and you would rather just carry on doing what you're doing and concentrate on other aspects of feminism, that's fine - no-one (with any sense) will judge you for it.

Seth...phew...what a relief!

I believe in fighting for what you believe in ( no matter what that may be). After reading some of the threads in this topic I find myself shouting out in horror at what some women find acceptable! But then I feel bad...who am I to judge others beliefs/opinions???

Then I had a lightbulb moment today..for so long my belief has been that porn can't be that harmful. Now I believe differently.

And, thinking back, i left the Catholic church when I was 15 because they would not let me an alter girl. They did however say that I could be in the choir or arrange the flowers!!

We all need to do what we have to do to get through life, so choosing to do something that is not particularly feminist is not a problem for me. Like beauty stuff - if it is important for me to fit in, then I will. I'm not going to cut my nose off to spite my face.

So, it's more a case of "pick your battles" IYSWIM??

What Shelia Jeffreys book is that, Seth?

Exactly.

I'm only a baby feminist so can't do it all at once!

Beauty and Misogyny by Sheila Jeffreys

Prolesworth....that's a great post. Think that's how I feel.....can you fight it also in "killer" heels?

Thanks Seth....

You probably are a feminist, but not a Mumsnet feminist.

Ha ha....you may be right!!

This is new to me. Sorry to ask the stupid/obvious question, but what is a
Mumsnet feminist?

For me feminism is about equality. Women should have the same chances men have traditionally enjoyed and freedom to make choices about their lives.

I also think being a feminist is not just about saying what's wrong but doing something about it. I'm not militant but I am a campaigner. That said I've had a couple of pastings from some of the more hard-line feminists on a couple of threads in the feminist topic but I try not to take it personally because every ideology has many different opinions around the core principles and I'd rather have a few rude, hardliners having a go then a load of women who don't give a crap.

X-posted with Bibbity who made my last point much better