Resisting femininity experiment - who's in?

[sethstarkaddersmackerel]

I was thought-provoked by the 'I'm a feminist but....' thread, particularly Dittany's posts, in which she talked about women who choose not to 'perform femininity'.

I posted on the other thread that I hugely object to all that bikini-line business but do still shave my legs. Am not sure why I do this, so I think I'm going to stop and see how it feels. It felt like a major issue when I was 20 or so but I actually suspect not shaving them now would make me feel more, rather than less, confident.

So I wondered if anyone else was thinking about giving up any beauty practices or other elements of compulsory femininity and would like to do it together and see how it feels.

this is not a competition - if you decide after a day you hate it and can't live without it, fine, but it would be really interesting to hear about, and I think it could advance our understanding of how this all works.

anyone else in?

btw, I am in a vile mood today so if anyone wants to come along to the thread and tell us we are just falling into the trap of thinking all feminists have to have hairy legs, or that actually they wax everything and are a still better feminist than meeeee, I will tell them to fuck off because if you don't 'get' this I can't be bothered explaining, either you get it or you don't

'to cover grey', that should say

I don't dye my hair to cover grey (and I've stopped pulling out all my grey eyebrow hairs) but I do dye it because it's pretty mousy otherwise. My mum has very similar hair and still isn't entirely grey at nearly 80 but I like the colour she is now. My sister has a bit of a Mallen streak going on which I think is very cool.

Anybody watching Hairy Women on Sky Living right now? Made me think of this thread!

i mentioned cutting my hair off to a colleague at work today (who i coincidentally worked with in a different incarnation about 9 years ago, the last time i had short short hair). she said 'ooo, i really liked your hair short!' and sounded very excited.

decision made, then.

and thank you for being sensible saf, and reminding me that the end result would be the point, rather than the 'ooooo, what shall i do with my hair' indecisive nonsense, which was really getting on my nerves. that and the fact that i don't appear to have a fashion bone, and can't work the 'get gorgeous' websites

I don't dye my hair either (adds to list of non shaving, non makeup wearing, non high heel wearing), and have been going grey since my twenties (thanks dad). Sometimes it shocks me when I see an old picture of me and realise how grey I really am now. I also have short hair and always have (as an adult)...in fact need a cut right now (thats the only thing, I really ought to get it cut more regularly than I do - lazy emoticon).
I too read the style and beauty threads in awe....If I try the colour coordinated, accessorised blah blah look I feel like a total fraud and unnatural....

I don't do very much of the traditional beauty stuff. I don't wear make up (never have) and generally avoid shaving, but I do like a bit of hair dye every now and then. I find with going grey that an option that works (for me) is to have a few big sploshes of colour. More of a statement than a cover up really as I've no problem with the greying itself it's just the in between stage that looks a bit odd. It is quite hard to get new hairdressers to understand that I'm not interested in highlights, I just like a bit of drama :)

My feeling on shaving is that it doesn't actually look very good so what's the point really. But that's partly because I have very very pale skin, which looks great on all parts of me except my legs, which have a slightly luminous tinge.

Th only time I really went for beautification was when I cycled to work every day and weight trained - I got nicely toned legs and had lovely biceps. First (and only) time I've ever been wolf whistled, and weirdly I was quite pleased about it because I really knew I looked great and 'deserved' it. Otherwise I would have been mightily peeved, which is a little odd really, as it was still objectification really.

I'm quite mousey, having been naturally blonde right through my teens. For a long while I dyed my hair a bit blonder as I felt I should still be blonde. I was blonde in my head and seeing darker hair in the mirror felt wrong.

Anyway, for me the gaps between dying have got longer and longer because it never quite worked to make me feel blonde again (and I wouldn't ever go peroxide blonde) and I realised that actually my hair (mousey with golden streaks) is pretty nice as it is, even if it isn't to the societal standard of having to be very something (very blonde, very brunette, very red head) - inbetween hair, which most of us have, just isn't considered stylish, is it? Which I imagine is because it makes no money for L'Oreal et al. I had it highlighted last at Christmas after a 12 month gap, and it was nice enough but so not worth the money for my hair to just be a bit brighter that I can't be bothered any more.

Plus DD (who is a big catalyst in my interest in this thread) is 6mo and has lovely light brown hair with a few golden bits in - exactly the same as mine now - and I'll be damned if she grows up thinking she needs to make it lighter or darker artificially in order to be beautiful. If I dye my hair in future, I think it will be to make a statement for fun - e.g. try being dark brunette for a while - rather than just trying to make myself subtly blonder because there no longer seems any point to that.

Only one or two greys here, and hidden by the fact I have lighter streaks anyway, so not yet sure how I'll feel as they take over more. DH (early 30s like me) has lovely salt and pepper hair and although he's a bit uncertain because he feels too young to be grey, he can't be bothered with the Grecian 2000 and I think it adds character around his face (he was previously a sort of light brown 'inbetween' colour). Hope he and I feel the same about me when I go greyer :)

Saw that Hairy Women thing was on but DH was already watching some other crap so I couldn't switch over. Any good?

seth, I so agree with this: "if cutting your hair nicely means you can feel comfortably able to ditch a beauty practice (hair dye) which you find particularly burdensome or which feels wrong to you, then it's the way to go."

I have finally found a hairdresser who gives my shoulder length hair a nice cut with a bit of bounce that I can also manage to recreate at home with my rudimentary blowdrying skills (i.e. 5 mins to dry it off, shake, brush, go). It's a big factor in me feeling I don't need to dye my hair any more as the dye adds less to my sense of happiness with my appearance than the cut does. As I need a regular cut to stop it getting knotty (it's very thick and split ends end up being painful as they get tangled), it's nice to combine functionality with feeling like I look good :) So no more dye needed really

I dyed my hair a version of red from about 18-32, after I stopped and let it grow out I saw I had this NATURALLY gorgeous coloured hair sort of golden-brown with reddish highlights. So sad, spent all that money and wasted all that time. It looks like DD is going to have the same colour :)

Anyway, not been on this thread because thinking A LOT about cutting my hair and despite saying that I don't really feel the pressure to conform re:shaving etc earlier on the thread have realised that I do :(
I want to cut my hair shorter as at the moment it's shoulder length but all I ever do is put it up in a ponytail, probably wear it down once a month, so what is the point in having longer hair? But I just can't seem to bite the bullet I have the notion that cutting my hair shorter will make me less attractive and I will feel less confident. Short hair doesn't suit everyone but that's not suppose to be the point is it.
So basically, despite my assertions earlier in the thread, am a big old wuss who does tie in self-worth/confidence with her hair length.

I had shortish blonde hair at 23. Looked really great. The world felt a little different too.

Can't do it now. I really need my hair to help me look good these days.

I have an official function to attend in a few weeks time. When I went last year (it's an annual event) I wore a smart trouser suit. All, and I mean all, the other women were in skirts and dresses. Shall I go in a dress this year, complete with hairy legs? I must say I'm tempted. In fact, the only thing putting me off is that I would actually have to go out and spend money and buy a dress, as I don't have any smart, formal dresses, only long, flowy summer stuff. (This is the main reason for having worn a trouser suit last time - it's my smart uniform, I wear it on all official occasions!)

Interesting realisation for me here today that this thread is helping me love not just my hairy bits but other random bits of my body. I have a cherry angioma on my arm which became larger and more prominent during pregnancy, and felt really unsightly, and I started to look at getting it removed after DD was born. A couple of months ago, I almost booked an appointment to do it but ill child got in the way and I didn't get round to it again. And then today I was looking at it and I just thought 'it's benign, it's a bit big and noticeable, but it's part of me and it's doing me no harm so why bother removing it'. Learning to love little bits of myself that I've disliked before - that's the power of this thread :)

We're nearly at 1,000 posts. We need a new place. I can't start it, I am still a shaver :)

SIGH. help me out here everyone.

I really think I'm a feminist, honest, I teach flippin feminism when I can and write real feminist articles!! etc etc. But I am steeped in beauty practices and I've even been (sob) considering plastic surgery since I had ds2 and my stomach skin was completelly destroyed (I do mean completely, not just a bit of sag a complete geographical map effect of stretch marks and creases).

There are a lot of reasons for this...I have natural preference for the groomed look on men as well as women. Like a certain type of gay man I guess. I love in particular the retro/50s look, dark curled hair, red lips and lots of cool black and red clothes! But this is a feminine contruct isn't it...and I am realising that it uses up a lot of my time. Time I don't have. I have a full time job, 2 kids and an acrimonious divorce going on.

The other thing is I have a younger partner who is far better looking than me in my opinion (and yes I know this should not matter). He has tended to assume that I will be shaved/plucked, once complained that mythighs were not waxed (I had a right go at him never fear) (he's Italian- don't want to generalise too much but I get the feeling grooming is a bit bonkers there). Then I look at him and all he does is clip his body hair now and then, while I'm expected to do so much more to look 'good'.

Another thing that's maybe more important is how one gets general approbation for 'taking care of oneself'. I always used to be known as 'glamourous' and when get a lot of approbation mostly from other female colleagues at work?! (even professed feminists!!) I know they mean no harm by complimenting me...but it adds to the feeling that without my 'beauty practices' I will look...well...like shit.

Guess you ladies have a lot more self esteem than I do :S

hmm- re. the students, not really, swallowed- and I am not actually extreme fem in looks. For a start I guess I look v old to them at 38 to their 18-21!!

No I never had the naturally beautiful look, I've always 'needed' grooming....in fact when I took my makeup off people would say 'are you ill??' LOL

and yes I would like to be in that halfway house.

Strangely, in fact my generally more 'ungroomed' lesbian feminist friends are also full of praise for me being 'glam'....I suppose cos I tend to look 'hard/goth' glam if you know what I mean. V hard to change that at my age. But i am seriously thinking of trying to cut it out bit by bit. Boyfirend may have to put up with hairy legs and pubes! though I think I lack the balls to get em out in public. The legs I mean. LOL

But yes it is tiring and I want to change it.

exactly! my mask, since the age of 16.

But I'm supporting all sorts of corporations I don't like by buying their products, wasting my time and money....

but i AM getting somewhere today. Resisted urge to shave in shower. Left foundation off. Just mascara. And I will go out like this!! ta- daaaaa

it does feeel quite liberating actually!

Hello, Experiment :) I've been doing this for several years now - part of a personal search for identity (yes, I know) which is also, of course, feminism-related. In 5 years I've gone from being "gorgeous" to fat, frumpy and hairy-legged. I needed to find out what I really look like and how I feel about it. The fact that I didn't already know this is 100% a feminist issue imo.

For anybody who's interested, I will be waxing my legs this summer - I am a hairy individual, mine genuinely are hairier than many men's - and I'll be dyeing my hair until it goes silver instead of sludge-coloured. I shan't be fretting about my body shape or wrinkles, having actually learned to like them. I'm not sure about makeup yet: I've only worn it 9 times in 5 years, but I miss the 'creative play' aspect of it so may go back there.

I will never get used to the vast difference in the way other people treat me, dependent on how I look. No matter how instinctive I know it is in general terms, I'm now certain of unrelenting social pressures on women to look like "we've tried". If nothing else I'm better informed about this - and its ramifications - than before.

How's everybody else getting along?

Oh, god, do you remember that one about the little boy who likes to wear sparkly dresses?

Certainly did!