Resisting femininity experiment - who's in?

[sethstarkaddersmackerel]

I was thought-provoked by the 'I'm a feminist but....' thread, particularly Dittany's posts, in which she talked about women who choose not to 'perform femininity'.

I posted on the other thread that I hugely object to all that bikini-line business but do still shave my legs. Am not sure why I do this, so I think I'm going to stop and see how it feels. It felt like a major issue when I was 20 or so but I actually suspect not shaving them now would make me feel more, rather than less, confident.

So I wondered if anyone else was thinking about giving up any beauty practices or other elements of compulsory femininity and would like to do it together and see how it feels.

this is not a competition - if you decide after a day you hate it and can't live without it, fine, but it would be really interesting to hear about, and I think it could advance our understanding of how this all works.

anyone else in?

btw, I am in a vile mood today so if anyone wants to come along to the thread and tell us we are just falling into the trap of thinking all feminists have to have hairy legs, or that actually they wax everything and are a still better feminist than meeeee, I will tell them to fuck off because if you don't 'get' this I can't be bothered explaining, either you get it or you don't

I know the discussion has moved on, but I just wanted to say that I saw a really very beautiful young woman on the Tube the other day - with a short skirt on and unshaven legs - and thought of this thread! She most certainly did not look ugly or repulsive as some people were suggesting would be the case earlier.

It's not a thing you see often, but surprisingly (to me) it just wasn't a big deal - I only noticed because she was right next to me - it was just hair and looked perfectly fine and normal and natural.

I agree that shaved legs look a bit weird when you think about it, especially given that most of us have a bit of hair on our arms and rest of the body. For me though it seems like the lesser of two evils, as I couldn't bear anyone to see mine in public in their hairy state :( All very well for the woman on the Tube as she had soft, downy light-brown hair, but mine is thick and black and wiry and I can help feeling it looks ugly...

Ephiny - my leg/arm hair is also thick, black and wiry. So what? Why should that automatically make it ugly? Any more than hair on your head becomes ugly if it is curly rather than straight or black /blonde/whatever rather than brown?

Just a question for those of you who dye your hair: Do you dye it because you like the other colour or because you want to look younger and cover the grey? Just curious.

I asked my sister this (she recently dyed her hair dark brown, although she is a natural dark blonde). I was amazed to see her on Skype with the new hair colour, and she just said that she felt like a change, it wasn't to cover the grey, as in any case unless she dyed it extremely regularly the grey would soon show even more with the dyed hair.

Personally, I like my grey, it gives me a distinctive look. And it is clearly visible against my very dark brown, almost black hair.

Re bare legs in summer - I live in Greece, where the weather is hot a lot more than the UK and I manage, in this highly groomed society, to have bare hairy legs. Just don't think about it. Don't worry about what other people think - it's none of their business anyway. If anyone stares at your legs, laugh it off, or give them a pleasant, disarming smile. Come on! You can do it!

Oh I know it's irrational, and if I saw someone else with leg hair like mine I'd probably think it was fine - it's just a really difficult thing to get over for me for some reason.

I'm not obsessive about my appearance generally though, and am fine with the fact that I'm starting to get some silvery strands in my hair (very visible for me too as I have black hair). I do feel that I 'should' cover up the grey, that it's expected of me, but I don't feel any need to conform with that. I think it's a shame so many women feel they have to do this, it seems to be fine for men to be grey and distinguished but for women of the same age it's a shameful thing and has to be disguised. Just look at TV presenters, newsreaders etc...

i have very dark hair - and i look thinning/ bald on top as the grey shows - it's almost pink (won't be needing a purple rinse). it's the 'bald' look i'm trying to avoid, rather than the grey... the only way to get over it is to cut it all off and see what happens. (my hair is also very curly - i suspect if i chop it all off and let the grey take over it will be more 'traditional granny with perm' than judy dench, but i can hope...) i'm only 40 btw - and a long way off being an actual granny - but well aware of society's views towards age in comparison with the vitality of youth

the world wouldn't end if i did it - but it would visibly identify me as a completely different person in the eyes of the world. i can get over that with hairy legs - it's about gender. i don't know if i feel ready to take on the ridiculous complicating age and gender issues yet...

it's the crossover. i kind of want to do it, but not sure how on earth freinds and family would react - it would be one hell of a change! (long dark curly hair to grey crop overnight?!)

I would love to ask all those woman Labour MPs who have very artificial dyed hair where the pressure came from to do it.
I am convinced there is an image consultant somewhere in the party who was ordering them all to - or probably Peter Mandelson.

I read an interesting thing once that pointed out that despite the fact that you would expect actresses to trade on their appearance and politicians not to, it is more acceptable for an actress of a certain age to go grey than a woman politician.

ah, the old 'character role' argument.

clearly a female politician has to exude youth and be purty. wisdom not being a pre-requisite of the job.

Ive not intervened in this thread so far (for obvious reasons) but following blog (mentioned in Evening Standard) may interest you:

From Man Getter to Man Repeller

Hi all. I've been on a bit of a MN break but thought I'd check in and report on my progress.

I cracked and shaved my armpits on Sunday but keptmy leg hair and then went to FIL's 60th in a short dress and no stockings (bloody stupid as it was freezing ) but no one even batted an eye. I'm not sure whether they noticed.

Will go back and catch up on what's been happening now...

Skimming through recent posts I noticed someone mentioning her summer ritual of shaving, noticing her body again etc. I feel like that atm, and I have a wedding to go to in a couple of weeks, and I know that my chin hair and leg hair and armpit hair will all have to go, and I will prob dye my hair, because there is NO WAY I could get dressed up and go to an event like that with hairy legs and lots of grey showing etc. It is very deeply ingrained.

I am finding this all v interesting - it's the first time I have examined properly how I feel about this. Even though I often go for months without shaving or dying hair or wearing make up, it's usually through the winter.

Exactly. I noticed all my blackheads last night and even toyed with the idea of a clay face mask or something. I have no urge to do stuff like that in the winter.

everyone should have a look at this thread
I'm having to sit on my hands not to go over there and beg them not to.

Why would you do that? I had my legs waxed once because I thought I ought to do it as everyone else seemed to. I couldn't believe how itchy they were afterwards and how uncomfortable the whole thing was. I can't believe that a man would ever put themselves through pain/discomfort on such a regular basis to be considered 'attractive'.

It's just totally insane isn't it? Why is it so accepted?

I used to wax. I even did my underarms.
do you know, I think there is something going on in the heads of people who do this, that if it hurts more you will be more beautiful afterwards.
I definitely used to feel quite proud of myself for not minding the pain. I am finding that thread really disturbing though.

'Why is it so accepted?'

I suppose the radical feminist answer to this would be - because it makes the patriarchy feel good to be complimented like this.
women want men's approval so much that they are prepared to inflict pain on themselves - that's quite flattering to the men, isn't it?

(disclaimer - I know perfectly well that if you asked them hardly anyone would admit to doing it for men. Oh no. They all do it for themselves and actually their dh prefers them hairy etc etc etc)

I used to wax. A LOT. Almost everything really. Full leg, bikini (occasionally brazillian) and underarms. It hurt. But tbh, not THAT much.

(I do have 5 tattoos though, and they weren't painful either - which must be saying something about labour cause I was screaming for an epidural!)

But... despite not being painful, it was uncomfortable, rather pointless cause no-one really noticed, and resulted in the most disgustingly painful ingrowing hairs. It was also expensive and time consuming. I would spend the almost £70 every 3 weeks for the privilidge to lie nekkid on a cold examination table table while some poor young girl had to physically rip the hairs from my body (rather gross, and exploitative now that I think about it) for about 3 hours.

What a waste of a Saturday morning!

I used to wax lower legs as believed the myth (?) that it grows back finer, less of it. Ha! Not anymore. Pain for hair removal no way.

I do wear heels on a night out... Nothing else that is painful. Not that I gind heels that bad, taxi stand/sit taxi.

Find

I was speaking to a male colleague the other day who was asking me about threading (?) as he had seen some women having it done in the shopping centre and was interested in how it worked as 'it obviously doesn't hurt as they weren't expressing any pain'. It seemed strange that I would have to explain to another human that, yes of course it hurts as they are having hair pulled out, as if we are another species, evolved to feel no pain. And also odd that women have learnt to act like there is no pain.

(He also would not believe me that I don't have my nails done, as of course all women do )