'That' thread....

[Janos]

You probably know which one I'm referring to.

I have found it very upsetting to read because I have been in an almost identical situation to the OP :(

I was raped by a so called friend - it happened several years ago. I won't go into the details because I find it too upsetting to talk about. Suffice to say it was a bloody horrible experience.

I have been so distressed by some of the attitudes on that thread on that thread, but also heartened (if thats the right word) to read the comments from Rhadegunde, Dittany, IngridBergman, Blinder and others (sorry if have missed anyone out).

I don't feel able to post on there but wanted to say a heartfelt thank you. I'm glad there are women like you out there.

Me too Rhadegunde. I lurch from thinking that they are so blinkered I can't find the words to engage but them I do and so wade in. Then get furious and rant.

dittany always manages to stay cool as a cucumber and does not engage with the mudslinging. Very commendable

Well I admire the coolness in the face of such provocation (for want of a better word) because I can't manage it when faced with that sort of stuff. I just get so angry/upset (and incoherent).

Rhadegunde, I thought your posts were great, really, and not ranty at all.

In fact among the nastiness there were some great posts. I think SGBs last one was just great.

It heartens (that word again!) me to read stuff like that in amongst all the crap.

I admire all you eloquent posters so much. I just sit here in a state of incoherent rage when I read that kind of victim blaming shit And some prize mansplaining thrown in for good measure

Am now doing more incoherent blabbing. What Coleysworth said!

I've just found that thread.

Some of those posters really think men are monsters, don't they

They don't realise that men do actually know whether the woman they happen to be with at that time wants sex with them or not; men know that women enjoy sex and that it's not something they have to be persuaded to give up reluctantly to men.

So why would a man need to be told yes or no one way or another? Which woman would "consent" to have sex with a man who was too thick to tell whether she even wanted to be having sex with him or not??? BUt of course men aren't "too thick to tell" ; it's just that sexual predators let men down by pretending that this is what men are like.

WHy would anyone contribute to aiding sexual predators and rapists by colluding with them and pretending that men really can't tell whether women want to have sex with them or not.

Rhadegunde, who was the other man on the thread?

see I can breathe freely again on here...

(I don't think Larry is a bloke btw in case that's relevant)

I just caught up with the thread and Emmy has explained her perspective. While it sorts out where she is coming from, in terms of having been through multiple rapes and years of counselling, it's really sad that she started off by throwing accusations around and misquoting etc, because it meant I gave her a hard time back, and now I feel bad about it.

However she seems to be really angry about women blaming men for doing this stuff, as though that renders ineffective our own defences. I think she is well mixed up on that - just because she's ultra wary and expects any similar encounter to lead to sex, that doesn't mean we should all be so defensive.

Taking precautions yes, anticipating rape around every corner no - and that doesn't make us stupid.

It's a weird old thread for sure.

Oh really? I'm sorry. I genuinely thought he was female.

Oh dear.

what a loon

I think I might remember that actually.

oh he's one of those ghastly mansplainers who think all feminists are manhaters.

Doesn't actually listen, because we're just silly hysterical feminist women so he can just define everything we say as being not worth listening to. And his majestic cock means what he says, is fucking gold.

Can I just applaud the lot of you for educating a number of posters on MN - you know how many people lurk on MN but don't ever post; how many people lurk wanting to learn more; how many people will have been given an inkling of a view into their skewed understanding of rape?

Even if you're all feeling like it was awful, no one listened etc. all that happened was, apart from you all, no one said 'oh! I see! I get it now! Thank you!' and they won't ever, probably, but they will go away and think about it, and it will enter their subconscious, and next time a similar discussion or article or situation happens, it'll add to their subconscious collection of information you've given them and one day they may just find they've changed their minds.

It really helped me coalesce (boak - hate that word) my thinking.

There were a number of women who came on towards the end and said that it had helped them so even though it was bloody and aggressive at times, it was a really useful thread

I think it's the first time I've actually felt appreciated on here, in four and a bit years. I had several PMs saying thankyou.

I was really because essentially I was only doing self analysis based on a familiar situation. It helped me.

You were brilliant Ingrid :)

no I wasn't - but some of you lot were!

thankyou.

And on it goes.

I honestly think that a lot of people who post this stuff aren't really aware of what they're saying. If women just have some self esteem then rape will stop? Come off it.

Thank you Flamingo.

I know this sounds a bit creepy crawly but so what. Real kudos should go to Ingrid, Rhadegunde and Dittany who were really were great on that thread in the face of some awful, awful comments.

SQ - I do think (or would like to hope) that a lot of comments stem from ignorance and people don't realise how hurtful they are.

Of course some people are just arrogant sods and don't give a shit!