A mother's amazing blog about gender sterotypes

[AnnieLobeseder]

I am so impressed by this women's strength, but more so by her little boy. I wish more people thought like the both of them....

What I don't understand is why the mother has made it into a "thing" by posting a blog about it etc, complete with photo. I feel a bit weird about people writing about their kids' on blogs anyway, with photos attached, just because of the childrens' privacy.

Anyhow, back to the topic. I do think the mother was using the boy. He expressed doubt and she wanted to show what a right-on parent she was . You don't use your kids like that.

My DS loves going out and about with his sisters hairbands and clips in. People think it's cute. He plays with prams, don't all boys? They all like wheels after all, don't they...

Geeky point here, but traditionally Hallowe'en featured men dressed up as women and outlandish creatures of the underworld.

My DS happily dressed as Robin (as in Batman and Robin) for three years running, aged 4, 5 and 6. I made his costume for him, as it was absolutely the only character he wanted to dress as, and it was rally small by the time he was 6 or he might have worn it for a few more years. He graduated to Batman when he was 7 (shop-bought costume). He now wants a career in aviation.

I agree that the costume on the blog was inappropriate for any child and that the Hallowe'en experience was unnecessarily fraught for the child, whereas a little common sense might have made it a happier event. And there's a definite feeling of this woman being contra mundum, which is reinforced by the posting of the child's photo including face.

On the question of bullying that she brings up though -- yes, she's right to assert that everyone has a right to be different, but I think sadly unrealistic to expect that that will happen. I do agree with the implication that when children bully it's the fault of their parents for passing on their prejudices and implying to their offspring that they have a right to pass judgement on others and their choices.

A better way to break down prejudices would be for her to dress as a man, in a male suit, for work complete with a man's haircut.

I think this happens a lot with kids; the Government do it far more frequently than parents do. People want the world to be different from how it is. We can't force adults to change their behaviour and act as we would wish them to, so we attempt to impose change by pushing a specific world view on to children in schools and child care settings.

Unfortunately for the children, they then have to adjust back to the world as it actually is rather than the world as people in authority over them would like it to be.

I wish adults would play the dominant role in social change, rather than trying to make children do the work for them.

That mother must be living in some kind of bubble if she didn't realise the child was right in believing there would be negative responses. Many of us have children who will face negative responses about aspects of who they are that cannot simply be taken off like a Daphne dress; we don't brush their concerns aside and pretend the problem doesn't exist. Whether the boy wore the dress or not, the mother should have discussed people's reactions with him beforehand.

I don't get why we all have to dress the same. Have we reached equality when we all wear homogenous jumpsuits a la 1984 or Brave New World? (Not a good look for me! )

Or is it more important that boys grow up knowing it is a lovely thing to change nappies and look after their kids, and that girls can be engineers or airline pilots?

it's not about dressing the same Porto. It's about the mother wanting to make a statement without doing the donkey work herself. To effect real social change, what better way to do it than to put yourself in the firing line, not your child Role modelling is very effective, so why doesn't the mother dress in a suit and tie for work with a male haircut?

Sakura, I totally agree that it is the mother that should make the statement rather than the child. I don't understand though why she should need to dress like a man.....

We can/should all be equal in terms of opportunity, that does NOT mean that we all have to be the same in appearance. I mean, we are not are we? Different genders, different colours, different competencies, different "ableness" even.

We should be able to be who we are, and who WE want to be, and still be treated the same. I do not see that I have to dress like a bloke to be taken seriously. And by "suit and tie for work with a male haircut" bloke, we are talking white, management type I presume?

That's true. I agree
Which I suppose is why I'm a bit hmm about that blog post. it's like the mother is really excited to have broken down all these imaginary boundaries that societies have created between males and females when the normal reaction of a parent should be, "Who cares? If he wants to why not?".

Dressing like a man wouldn't change anything, as you say, but if you want to make a statement somehow, then that's a better way of doing it than getting your children to dress up as opposite genders, because kids are more emotionally vulnerable than adults and the mother should have taken that into consideration. If she wouldn't dress as a "man" for work, then she should have listened to her son when he said he felt uncomfortable

I know that post was garbled. I meant that there's no reason to buy into the stereotypes and therefore no reason to get excited when you go against the stereotypes. Gender stereotypes are fake and socially constructed anyway. Ignoring them is probably the best way to go about.

I like where I work - in ICT - and dress is very informal. There is such a mix - suits, jeans, head scarfs, gold lame leggings ( though I did once start a thread about that one ) and none of these items gives a clue about a person's position in the company.

I can wear jeans to work, have lunch with a CEO and still kick his/her arse afterwards when negotiating a deal. If I wore a suit, or a nice flowery dress, it is still ME, and I would still behave the same way. To me, you wear what doesn;t need ironing you feel comfortable wearing, and it shouldn't get all stressy.

I have no issues with the costume whether boys, girls or cats wear it.

But as soon as the little boy expressed discomfort and disquiet, she should have respected that and listened to him instead of just brushing his concerns aside. TBH, it makes uncomfortable reading - someone who very clearly wants to push her own agenda and doesn't mind using her own child to do that.

I am not remotely impressed by her in any way.

Ignoring the internet posting (I do think that this is a very bad idea - share stories about your children with friends and family, not the world). I don't understand why people are saying that this mum is using her child to make a statement. Assuming that we take her words at face value, her ds didn't want to dress as a girl, he wanted to dress as Daphne (a cartoon character costume obviously in enough demand to produce small child sized costumes), same as his friend, at a time of year when people dress up as all sorts of things. He is a small child at the equivalent of nursery, and the grief came not from his friends, but from other mothers. Adults who did not need to make nasty comments in his hearing, who made the mother feel bullied such was their antipathy.

I've had this with ds a bit, when he really really wanted to do something and then felt worried about it, and it's difficult to know how much to support, how much to prepare or how much to offer an alternative (esp when I know that what he wants to do is a big deal to him). The dilemma is whether to encourage your child to be the individual you know they are, or squash them into a acceptable mould in fear of reactions they might find hurtful.

It does seem very sad that it is seen as quite so threatening for a small boy to dress up as a female character. Obviously the wrong aspiration (fine for girls to dress up as male characters though).

I don't think that anyone has an issu with him dressing up as a female character.

It's because this whole dressing up episode about feeding the parents ego. She wanted to demonstrate to the world what a great parent she is eschewing gender stereotypes by posting pics of her son dressed up under the legend My Son Is Gay.

The whole thing was about her image not his.

I'm not sure that's really true though. Her blog had very low viewing numbers before that one, and it was anonymous as she doesn't give her name and used aliases for her children. It doesn't appear very attention seeking, lots of people have similar types of family blog (I've visited quite a few 'self sufficiency' type blogs this summer as I've been making lots of jam).