I think this bank are sexist pigs. Help me work out what I'm going to say to them tomorrow.

[JaneS]

This is a bit of a saga and I have posted about it before. DH and I bank with the same place, have done for ages and had good service, besides which the perks of their accounts suit us. But we'll probably close the accounts tomorrow if they don't apologize profusely and compensate us for what's been going on.

DH and I decided to set up a joint account about two months ago. Ww went in for an appointment and the man was both incompetent and (I think) sexist. He eventually told us we couldn't open the account without more documentation, and he wanted me to open the account in DH's name. He insisted I couldn't have two names on the account (ie., 'Ms LittleRedDragon, also known as MrsHusbandsName). Another well-known highstreet bank had no problem with this and indeed agreed it is very common.

So that was one thing. He also found it hard to believe that I was the person who earned more and constantly talked to DH about being the main earner, but it is possible that is because I'm a student and people expect students to earn less than regular workers. I am trying to be very fair here!

So, after a fair bit of going to the bank and faffing with documents, with which I won't bore you, we went in last Saturday to make yet another appointment to try to open the joint account. The man who booked in the appointment said he'd just done this with his partner and it was quite nervy giving someone else access to his money. I thought this was just a bizarre thing to say and a bit unprofessional, and said I didn't have any problem with the idea. To which he replied, 'No, of course not, it's all his money!'.

DH quite literally had his jaw drop. I managed to say, 'Er, no it's not', but we didn't get an apology.

We plan to go in tomorrow and complain, and probably to ask them to close our existing accounts. I want to know how you'd discuss the sexism and get a good result. My guess is that (given the general attitude), they will act as if it's unimportant and I'm a silly nagging woman.

I maybe should have put this in AIBU but I don't want to wade through a load of 'ooh, just change your name' comments. I'd really appreciate some tips on what you'd say and do.

TBH you should change your bank to one that lets you do all of this over the phone. It saves a lot of time and hassle.

Daily - if they had simply said that for the sake of their records they couldn't allow me to be known by two names on their system, I could have accepted that quite happily. What was annoying was that the adviser was ill-informed and thought it was illegal everywhere (it isn't), he thought that a marriage certificate wasn't sufficient proof that I was entitled to use my DH's name and I need to change my name 'legally, on your passport' (which is also absolute rubbish), and he suggested I do so, telling me it wasn't normal for people to want to use a different name from their husbands.

The basic issue is that the staff we came into contact with were used to doing things in a particular (implicitly sexist) way: assuming the man earns the money, assuming the woman will change her name, etc. Then, when we didn't fit that pattern, they didn't know how to cope (which is incompetent). Finally, when we objected, they lied (or were badly misinformed), and told us we were asking for something 'illegal'.

Whew. Rant over.

nocake - I do it face-to-face for a reason; it's not just me being awkward.

"Some banks will not let you be known by different names I'm not sure whether it is legally binding"

If there is a legal obligation to being known as one name with one bank, then I've yet to hear about it.

I've banked with Natwest, Royal Bank of Scotland, Bank of Scotland, Nationwide, and HSBC.

The only time I had bother was with Natwest, which was the incident I referred to in a previous post (guy on the desk told me it was illegal to open a single account when our main current account that wages go into was in my maiden name (normal name, is on bills, used professionally, one i think of myself as)). And the manager apologised in person and opened the account for me when I queried just which law this restriction pertained to, especially since Royal bank of Scotland (same company) has no such issues or mention when I did the same thing with the accounts there too, just down the road, on the same day.

Right, consensus seems to be we should do it by letter. If so, do we cancel the appointment tomorrow? Or go, and make a preliminary complaint there and see how they deal with it?

frgr - My previous bank will ask you to use one name and one name only.(I am an ex-bank employee)

If you change your name for reasons of marriage/deed poll etc you have to sign a declaration saying that you will only use the new name from that day forward.

I'd cancel the appointment. I'm sure they wouldn't address all of your issues if you were to see them face to face.

Yes, but Daily, that's the bank's rule. It's not the law. If I'd been told 'it's a rule of this bank that you only use one name', that would have been absolutely fine. But not if they pretend there's a legal issue and/or that I'm unusual in wanting to keep my name (in 2010?!).

I didn't have to sign any such declaration.

I'd do both, but not if it's using up valuable time. If it is then letter is better.

Sexism in banks does exist!

We wanted to open a bank account for DS. Because he's 6 months old it needs to be attached to either mine or my DHs bank accounts. They wouldn't let it be attached to mine because my bank account remains in my maiden name, which is different to DS who has my married name. So we had to attach it to DHs, I have absolutely no access to it at all! I'm his mother and cannot access his money in anyway shape or form.

When I expressed my 'unimpressed-ness' of this policy their only alternatives were to change my name (none of the banks business as far as I'm concerned)bor to open a joint account to which the (male) bank person said "which will be great for you, you'll get to spend all of his money (whilst pointing to DH)"

TheDailyWail, yes, bank policy. If it was, I would go elsewhere. But lying and saying it's a LEGAL obligation (either through ignorance or as a petty obstacle to fulfilling a female's wishes) isn't right. Or fair. In 2010!!

Oh and I forgot to add... I earn MORE than DH!

Sorry I've not offered you any advice. I just wanted to sympathise, but actually ended up ranting about my bank. Apologies!

Don't apologize pebble! It actually makes me feel better (if angrier) that I'm not the only person who gets these comments and gets annoyed at them. It makes me want to go and complain more, which is good.

Thanks Alice. I think we will go in as we've made the appointment as I'm rubbish at expressing myself in letters, and then will try to write something formal too.

When I got pregnant, DP & I went to open a joint bank account with Lloyds. We had an interview with the adviser who asked if we were married. No, we aren't, we said, but we are expecting our first baby. He then turned to DP & said "Don't let her have any access to your money until you're married, you don't want a joint account, she's got to be your legal missus first"... or something like that. We were gobsmacked. Needless to say, we didn't open a bank account with them.

Wow.

How long ago was that?

3 years ago, just on.

iskra

Your 13.38 post pretty much says what you want to but I doubt that will work in person.

I feel your pain. I went through untold crap like this trying to get life assurance.

Decide what you want before you decide what you want to do - do you want to a. carry on with the application but use this, along with everything else, as a lever to get them to finally get it right and fast (in which case attending the appointment might be best), or do you want to b. give up, go elsewhere, and explain clearly why (in which case the letter might work better and will waste less time)?

No one will give a damn about the sexism, by the way. Sorry. You might get what you want but only in a sort of pavlovian slobbering "must placate annoyed customer or will be bollocked by boss" way, not in a "oh yes I see her point this is the 21st century after all" way.

[bitter and cynical]

Yeah, I suspect that too vezzie. It's just it is so fucking crap and the sexism was so blatant.

We've written down the main problems and we'll go complain tomorrow, then get them to shut my account.

It is a big pile of crap.

DH has reminded me that it's also incredibly annoying that they spoke to him (ignoring me) about being the main earner, then, when they realized he was all foreign, they started talking to me about his paperwork.

Well I think the stories on here are atrocious. I believe that this should be reported to the obudsman but you would probably get short shrift, as you would I'm afraid if you wrote or talked to them in person. However it's certainly worth a protest letter or a chat in person. If you get no joy from the branch or branch manager, tell them you are going further with it.

Contact the Fawcett Society and ask their opinion on the matter. These sexist attitudes simply cannot be allowed to continue.

Sorry, I'm so ignorant - what's the Fawcett Soceity?

I'm new to the feminism threads (though not to being a feminist).

It's a campaigning society, originally set up by Millicent Fawcett in the 1860s to gain the vote and equal rights for women. It works to close the gender gap. I think they would be most interested to hear from you - an email perhaps or link to this thread.

www.fawcettsociety.co.uk

It's just appalling how the women on this thread have been treated by their banks. It's time for action on this.

Thanks! Sounds good.

I was amazed that so many people have had similar experiences.

I experienced something similar a long while back when my mother and I were sorting out a mortgage when I was a student. We went to my bank and met with the manager who insisted that I would have to be guaranteed by my parent's income. He totally refused to have my mother (a full time teacher at that time) be the guarantor and insisted that it should be my father. Not because of any financial reason, but purely because he was my father. They then couldn't find my father's (Natwest, so the same bank) bank details and implied we making him up. My mother was very civilly rude to him about his sexism and incompetency, and we went next door to Barclays, who signed me up no problem (and didn't ask for a guarantor at all). I closed my NatWest bank account. He was an obnoxious man who enjoyed having power over students. You'd rather hope that that sort of person had gone taking their attitudes with them, but clearly not.