I think this bank are sexist pigs. Help me work out what I'm going to say to them tomorrow.

[JaneS]

This is a bit of a saga and I have posted about it before. DH and I bank with the same place, have done for ages and had good service, besides which the perks of their accounts suit us. But we'll probably close the accounts tomorrow if they don't apologize profusely and compensate us for what's been going on.

DH and I decided to set up a joint account about two months ago. Ww went in for an appointment and the man was both incompetent and (I think) sexist. He eventually told us we couldn't open the account without more documentation, and he wanted me to open the account in DH's name. He insisted I couldn't have two names on the account (ie., 'Ms LittleRedDragon, also known as MrsHusbandsName). Another well-known highstreet bank had no problem with this and indeed agreed it is very common.

So that was one thing. He also found it hard to believe that I was the person who earned more and constantly talked to DH about being the main earner, but it is possible that is because I'm a student and people expect students to earn less than regular workers. I am trying to be very fair here!

So, after a fair bit of going to the bank and faffing with documents, with which I won't bore you, we went in last Saturday to make yet another appointment to try to open the joint account. The man who booked in the appointment said he'd just done this with his partner and it was quite nervy giving someone else access to his money. I thought this was just a bizarre thing to say and a bit unprofessional, and said I didn't have any problem with the idea. To which he replied, 'No, of course not, it's all his money!'.

DH quite literally had his jaw drop. I managed to say, 'Er, no it's not', but we didn't get an apology.

We plan to go in tomorrow and complain, and probably to ask them to close our existing accounts. I want to know how you'd discuss the sexism and get a good result. My guess is that (given the general attitude), they will act as if it's unimportant and I'm a silly nagging woman.

I maybe should have put this in AIBU but I don't want to wade through a load of 'ooh, just change your name' comments. I'd really appreciate some tips on what you'd say and do.

IMHO, banks are not sexist. They are not ageist and they are not racist.

They like rich people. End of.

Ah, maybe a letter would be better. But as we have an appointment tomorrow, I do want to know what to say face-to-face, and might follow up with a letter if need be.

youknow, well, maybe that's our problem, we're just not rich enough! But at least one of the people hadn't seen our finances so he had no idea how rich we were or weren't before he made his nasty comment.

My point being, if you think another bank will behave utterly different, then go ahead and move.. but I think you will find, they all work in much the same way.

If you earn the money, they will love you. If you don't, they won't.

I've been with my partner for 12 years now, married 3 and the bank still treat him as the important one (he is, he is the one who earns the dosh) I dont think the name of the bank will change a thing.

LRD - You would be surprised what they all know about you.

We are, I suppose, quite well off.. so much so, that my bank sent my DC presents when they were born and send them birthday presents... I still get the second hand treatment unless I go in guns blazing (I'm MRS YOUKNOW, youknow???)

Tho, to be fair, my bank is lovely.... (see my first post)

What bank was it?

youknow Yes, I take the point - I know quite well that other banks can be as useless (the other one we bank with had to send me two bank cards, one with 'Miss LRD' and one with 'Mrs LRD' before they got my title right - and I did enjoy pestering them for the new one each time ).

But do you think that means I shouldn't bother to complain?

Incidentally, I do earn the money! Neither of us earns much, but I am slightly the higher earner ... which I did say in my OP ...

Oh, sorry, missed that. Well, THAT is shoddy.

which bank is it? Natwest, barclays?

'IMHO, banks are not sexist. They are not ageist and they are not racist.

They like rich people. End of.'

Well, I'm sure sexism, racism and ageism and not written into the bank's policies and procedures, and I'm sure liking rich people is (in some sense) but this particular employee is clearly sexist, so he needs to apologise and be sent to the gulag retrained.

It's the second one, youknow.

I would go in with a (short, single page) bullet list of examples of why you're closing the account.

List it simply and factually, and leave them a copy.

Explain that if you don't feel satisfied they will investigate/put in place measures to ensure this sort of totally unacceptable customer service isn't experienced again, you will write to the head office with the list. Then do so.

I once got told at the bank that I couldn't have a personal (single) account in one name (Ms MarriedSurname - for putting in wedding cheques sent from a couple of rather old and traditiaonl aunties) and be named on our normal join account with my normal surname.. becuase "it isn't possible to have 2 bank accounts with the same bank and 2 different surnames, it would be illegal", despite the fact that a subsid of the same bank had NO issue, i'd taken my certificate in to prove I could be known as Ms MarriedSurname, but they waved it away. very odd behaviour (i asked the bank in question to confirm whose policy it was, because it certianly was NOT illegal, and his manager opened it with an apology the same day)

LRD at your appointment I would just repeat what you've told us and give it as your reason for moving accounts and say that you'll follow up with a letter and not waste too much of your valuable time on the appointment itself.

In your letter I'd suggest that all the bank staff need to be trained organisation-wide. Sad that people need specific training in order to understand that they aren't actually appearing in a particularly boring episode of 'Mad Men'.

We didn't have any problems opening a joint account with two names and had no comments about how much each of us earn. I can't imagine our bank is particularly unusual so I suspect the problem is with these two members of staff rather than the entire bank. I would write a letter complaining about their attitude, making sure that you name them.

You should absolutely complain!

I'm in a pretty similar situation to you, and my bank has never treated me like this at all. If they did, I would move bank and complain.

Banks do make mistakes, and mine has certainly done that, but that kind of behaviour is not a mistake.

I would probably go through it pretty much like you have here. I would say I have an issue I would like to raise with you, and then detail what happened. I would get to the end of the chronology and then say I am not happy with this attitude and am unwilling to be treated like this so will be moving my account. And can you give details of the complaints procedure please.

I wouldn't get into the arguments of the whys and wherefores as, as you point out, based on previous behaviour they may well not get it or care.

And yes, what bank is it, so I know never to go there!

There was something on the news this morning re the number of complaints to banks topping a new high - with Lloyds being top of the list (although they do have the most customers) - here.

Just say what you've said here - say you felt patronised and belittled and feel that the person you saw needs additional training in cusomer service.

frgr - that's exactly what happened with us.

I do think the letter sounds like a good idea. DH quite wants to go in and ask for compensation (they've kept faffing around for nearly 2 months asking us for different paperwork and generally being useless because it's so 'difficult' for them to open an account for us). I quite like the idea too - no idea if we'd get any?

But if we do that, we'll ask for that first then if we don't get it, close the accounts. Given that, do I leave out the sexism and mention that separately?

Halifax changed my mortgage account into my married name without asking, just because me and my husband opened a joint savings account in our married name and despite the fact that my mortgage is in my name only and something I brought into the marriage and the payments towards the mortgage come out of my separate account in my maiden name with a different bank. Weird. I don't think they can cope with the idea that you might be married but have separate accounts, or that you might be a couple with different names opening a joint account etc

Personally, I wouldn't ask for compensation, as that the makes it sound like if they give me money then I'm not bothered about the principle. But that's me - I have always been big on principles. If you mention the sexism and closing accounts, they might offer you something to try and make you stay, or they might not. Same if you write to head office. I don't think mentioning or not mentioning the sexism would impact on the likelihood of compensation.

I would probably ask politely that you were informed by Mr. Bank Guy that the money you, MS. LRD earn and put into your joint account would automatically become all your husbands, the exact words used by Mr. Bank Guy about the money were "It's all his money [on the joint account]".
And therefore you would need them to explain how exactly this works and if that kind of dividing of marital property is really in accordance with law.

Really this isn't an issue about the bank as a whole, rather a sexist employee who made an inappropriate comment and rightly ought to have to apologise.

I also agree with youknow they just like rich people .

When DH and I changed our accounts to a joint account I was the "lead" applicant - I earned a lot more than DH and that is how the bank wanted to do it.

Now 10 years later DH finds it slightly infuriating that the creidt cards and charge cards all have me as the primary cardholder and wont discuss the accounts with him and everytime something significant needs to be done they need to speak to me. Despite the fact that I haven't earned anything like what DH has in the past 8 years.

Ullainga - like it, good idea

at ulla.

nancy - well, two sexist guys, but I take your point. And it is pretty bad that the second one has somehow managed to get through the bank's training and still think that sort of comment is professional, or appropriate.

Alice - yes, I take your point. I am bothered about the principle, it's just that the general incompetence has cost us a fair amount as DH keeps taking time off to go and sort the account, only to find they've cocked up again and can't open it. Not all of this is to do with sexism, obviously (though some of it is).

There are a couple of issues here:

The attiude of the adviser was awful. He probably thought he could get away with saying it to you. I'm generalising here from past experience but I think the male bank workers would probably be fairly young and unmarried which would probably explain his attitude.

Some banks will not let you be known by different names I'm not sure whether it is legally binding - Acceptance of Cheques and Money LAundering laws - or just convenience for their databases and records.

From my last post it sounds as if I'm sticking up for them!

What I should have said was that the attitude is unacceptable and should be addressed. I think it would be better to write a letter.

LRD - I don't think you'll get far with asking for compensation. I would however write to whoever is most senior at your branch with a letter which outlines all of the points about the bank's incompetence, lack of knowledge about names on accounts, sexist comments etc.

Say that because of all the hassle and the attitude of their staff you will be closing your accounts unless senior bod gets your account opened and functioning within the week.

You may find moving accounts is a good idea for you anyway as most banks try to offer a good deal to customers - Santander keeps advertising one that looks good (for the first 12 months... ).