positive MALE role model?

[booyhoo]

i (hope) i am a strong and positive female role model for my children. i bring them up to believe that girls and boys are equals and no activity is reserved for the other sex (eg playing kitchen or racing cars).

BUT

they have no positive male role model that echoes these beliefs. our family, immediate and extended are all quie misogynistic. in all of the family units i know, the women take on ALL of the childcare, housework, food shopping while the men (if there is one in the unit) is free to go to football, tend his horses, race his motorbike.

i have two sons, and i am a single parent. their father lives in england and even when here was still leaving most of the childcare etc to me while he went to he gym or out in his car. so, how to i show them what a man is, who do i point them at and say, "this is what you're aiming for" (obviously i am no actually going to do that). i would not feel as if i have done a good job if my sons grow up to be like the men we have around us. i don't feel i need to be in a relationship to be able to show them a positive male role model. but i would like to have someone in mind that they could identify with.

Slight tangent but somewhat relevant. Me and DH were discussing the lack of engaged, positive father roles (i.e. not just a benign breadwinner somewhere in the background) in films and kids' books recently.

The best we could come up with was Marlin from "Finding Nemo" and the male penguins incubating the eggs in "Happy Feet"...

thanks toga, that is a good start. eldest is 5 so that would be right up his street, rathar than some celeb that he has no interest in. i haven't seen happy feet but we do a DVD night once a week so i will put that on the list for next week.

The father in Roald Dahl's Danny The Champion of the World is good.

Oh God yes to Danny Champion of the World. There is even a film of it, and the father is played by Jeremy Irons [passes out with lust].

oh, i have never read that book. we have a collection of roald dahl so i must look and see if it is amongst it. thank you.

fuchsia OMG I would vomit up all my entrails if JI were even to lay his hand on my arm :o

Sorry OP, it's shocking that there aren't many good male role models in films etc (although TBF the female ones aren't great either.)

Ooh studio mononoke have some lovely boy characters. Might be worth checking some of those out?

What have you got in mind specifically? real or fictional? adult or child?

Theodore Arroway, Dr. Ellie Arroway's father in the Carl Sagan novel Contact (played by David Morse in the movie).

Though his character dies early in the book and movie, he has a huge positive influence on his daughter. She lives her life with a steely determination that can't be matched, even though both her parents had passed away whilst she was young.

thanks elephants i will check that out.

i guess i am looking and adult male that my dses have someone to hold up as the 'ideal' man/dad/partner/person really. although good chilld role models never go amiss either

thank you orsinian. is that a child's book or an adult's one?

Contact is an adult novel. The film is a PG, but it is a bit lengthy. Ellie's father reappears at the end of the movie (in a fashion).

One for when they are older perhaps.

Hmm, not sure that "ideal" characters come up much in fiction... Maybe start a thread called "Which film/book character would make a good dad?" or something?

Harry Potter - his parents are dead but lots of stories/flashbacks about how nice they are and how much they loved him. Plus Mr Weasley's very nice and very fond of his kids (although Mrs W does all the cooking while he works).

Fantastic Mr Fox??? He is very dashing and brave. Book and film to choose from too.

Sully in Monsters Inc is very sweet and "adopts" the little girl & looks after her.

Three Men and a Baby? I know I watched it at that age but not sure if appropriate

The dad in The Parent Trap is nice (although has a housekeeper to do the cooking etc) has a great relationship with his DD and is a single parent at the beginning. Although you might not want to give him the idea that parents get back together :(

Baloo in the Jungle Book? He takes great care of Mowgli.

oh i loved three men and a baby and mowgli. baloo is a great role model. how did i not think of him??? i agree, ideal doesn't come up much which is why i am sort of lost for who to point them at. thank you all. these are great. i am writing them all down.

not quite the same (but was reminded with the mowgli and baloo refs) - we have just got a new young male helper at cubs (early twenties) who is just fantastic. he is cool, trendy, happy to run in the woods, cook the dinner, pick the boys up when they fall over and do first aid, and sing songs and cook marshmallows over the fire.

i was only thinking this week how lucky we are, and that he is going to be a fab male role model for these boys...

do they do anything that brings them into contact with male leaders at all?

eldest does judo and his principle at school is male althogh he doesn't see him much. the principle is lovely though. i have found i local drama class for him but I'm not sure if there is a male influence there yet. need to get more details of it. the youngest is only a year so doesn't do any classes or group things yet.

Hmm, what about Fly Away Home? I liked that (although was 11ish when I saw it).

Ooh ooh for later on - Atticus in "To Kill A Mockingbird" has to win prize of best fictional dad, surely? He inspired my friend to become a lawyer

ooh, i loved atticus. actually i just loved saying the na,e. "qatticus finch" 9am drunk excuse spekking)

barriser son, ois good.

9am drunk eh? Bless you - off to bed with ye. :o

i think do

so

judo etc is great - i'm always impressed that the 'strength' aspect is always reined in by 'control'. i'm a big fan of martial arts-type sports/ gymnastics etc for that reason. can be really good for all sorts of kids, and usually lots of fine upstanding citizens as leaders...

g'night/ morning

Atticus Finch also had a housekeeper. Just saying.

Harry's dad was part of the gang that bullied Snape and helped him become the sour and negative adult Harry met.

these are great.

is harry p a bit old for a 5 year old or would he understand it all?

I've had a look and we do have danny the champion of the world so i will introduce ds to that at bedtime. just having a flick through myself.

I know goblinchild, but he is a balanced character because of that, and AFAIK the books imply that he "grew out of" behaving like that and after all did fight alongside Snape and others, and died to protect his wife and child.

Agree with Dumbledore too, SGM.

What about the King Arthur stories? I know there's a lot of rescuing maidens and what not later on, but The Sword in the Stone (book and film) is good and it's all about learning and getting ready to be a good man (and king, if barrister is too lowly :o).

A lot of (older) boys I know find Lance Armstrong an inspirational figure, although I don't know much about him. Think he survived illness and did/does some very good cycling :o