positive MALE role model?

[booyhoo]

i (hope) i am a strong and positive female role model for my children. i bring them up to believe that girls and boys are equals and no activity is reserved for the other sex (eg playing kitchen or racing cars).

BUT

they have no positive male role model that echoes these beliefs. our family, immediate and extended are all quie misogynistic. in all of the family units i know, the women take on ALL of the childcare, housework, food shopping while the men (if there is one in the unit) is free to go to football, tend his horses, race his motorbike.

i have two sons, and i am a single parent. their father lives in england and even when here was still leaving most of the childcare etc to me while he went to he gym or out in his car. so, how to i show them what a man is, who do i point them at and say, "this is what you're aiming for" (obviously i am no actually going to do that). i would not feel as if i have done a good job if my sons grow up to be like the men we have around us. i don't feel i need to be in a relationship to be able to show them a positive male role model. but i would like to have someone in mind that they could identify with.

Can you eye up his mates' dads (in the nicest possible way) and encourage friendships with the families where they are most positively involved?

Be vigilant as well if he wants to join a football club - make sure you check out both the character of the coaches (we had fab ones), and the attitude of fathers who go along.

Actually (getting far too into HP thinking now) - a lot of the Order of the Phenix lot are pretty good - Lupin, Sirius and the other men too. Even Snape in his own way.

yes onimolap. the football classes has actually put me off as he few i have been to have been full of shouty dads and no mums. plus none of them gave me the time of day cause was a 'girl' so i couldn'tget to know any of them, not that i wanted to after seeing them.

Think cubs and scouts are quite good, and they have to do cooking and sewing IIRC.

Complete opposite end of the scale from Harry Potter, but when dd was little, I loved the Little Bear books by Martin Waddell, small bear & his father doing everyday things like tidying up, playing outside etc.

never thought of scouts. will try and find out about that tomorrow.

Is your eldest in school yet. Might be worth having a quick word with his teacher, they might recommend a few good books. DD is in P2 (aged 5) and seem to recall her having some take home books in P1 that had some really good male role models. Love Danny the Champion of the World.

Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France something like 7 times in a row, after recovering from cancer that had been thought to be fateful (I think he had brain surgery and lung surgery or something). He's a miracle person.

I worry about this stuff too, with my 3 sons. Luckily my dad cooks, washes up and does the ironing, so they see that. I teach them to cook and tidy. My dh would never admit that he thinks domestic things are for women, but it's obvious to me that he does believe that really, and the boys will pick up on that.

I would prefer role model men who are involved with domestic things despite having women in their lives. A single dad doesn't have much choice really.

yes he started p1 this year. good idea, i will try and get a word with her tomorrow, hey bring home a book at the weekend.

it's 6 for beavers in uk. the problem with the younger sections is that the leasers tend to be women, so if you're looking for a male role model you might have to shop carefully... (that's why i was so chuffed upthread about our new young male leader)

and don't start me on the (male) leader that shouted 'oy, wot you doin' all that girl's stuff for?' when we had them ironing their neckerchiefs and hoovering.

that said, however good your role models are, kids do have a way of picking up what's on the tv anyway. dh cooks, cleans, hoovers, sews, bakes, you name it. when dd1 was born, i was the one without a clue, and he pretty much taught me everything i know . ds1 announced a while back that he wasn't going to get married and have kids because there was too much cooking. () dd1 said 'no, no, ds, that's the wife's job.'

ahhh, bless her. see that's the sort of stuff i amnoticing ds come out with now. his dad used to think it was really funny to randomly say "right woman, get in the kitchen where you belong" ds now says it and thinks it's hilarious.

Ah we've just had guests where the man likes to (jokingly) say things like "I thought you'd be making cookies" or "What are you doing sitting here when there's cooking to be done?" to his wife.

Funnily enough, when we were all running around like blue arsed flies cooking for a party on Sunday he was sitting down calmly reading the paper.

Some joke eh?

that reminds me of the time EXp's family had a barbeque, well i say family, i mean all the women organised everything, bought all the food, set it all out for Exp's dad to stand beside the BBQ and set the food on. he then stood beside it holding a can of beer the whole evening and told his wife to check the food. but there was one point while the organising was going on. i had just arrived, exp was in the shower, his dad was sitting at the kitchen table watching something on tv and his mum, aunt, sisters and female neighbour were all running around sorting and cleaning. i walked in and stood beside the table, had said hello to everyone and whatever was on tv caught my interest so i stood for a few minutes watching it. EXp's dad turned to me a few minutes later and said, "don't just stand there, do something." i said, "like what?" he replied, " i don't know, just clean something" i burst out laughing and then when i realised by his shocked face that he was actually serious i said "oh do forgive me, just wait til i grab a cloth and i can clean around you while you sit on your arse" i walked out and left them all to it. i know where EXp got it from now.