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Original poster

I was raped

50 replies

CoinOperatedGirl · 26/08/2010 23:52

Sorry but the only section I can post this in is here. When I was about 17 I was drug raped, I was out with my sister on the town, getting pissed as usual. We got drunk and went to a club, I was flirting with a black guy, he bought me a drink. About 10 minutes later he was rushing me out of the place, into a taxi.

That is the last thing I remember, I woke in the morning to him raping me. I fought him off, found my stuff and went home (this was my first actual "shag" iyswim). I never told anyone about this. I was so ashamed, I had done "stuff with boys etc but this was my first experience of penetration.

I have still never told anyone irl, and don't really think it was rape as I was drunk.

But I'm so fucked up really. Nobody knows, I did so many stupid things when I was pissed and young, I hate myself.

OP posts:
Gigantaur · 26/08/2010 23:54

you have no reason to hate yourself.

You absolutely were raped. it does not matter how much you drink, what you wear, how many previous partners you have had.
if someone has sex with you without your permission they are raping you.

i am so very sorry that you don't feel you can talk to anyone about this.

maktaitai · 26/08/2010 23:55

Didn't want to leave this unanswered. I have no doubt that others will read this and post soon.

I don't want to say the wrong thing but I really feel for you.

colditz · 26/08/2010 23:56

it's rape. If you were unconscious when he put his penis in you, without prior consent, it's rape.

I got legless all the time, and I never got raped because I never met a rapist. My good luck, your bad luck. Nobody asks to be raped.

watch this

Valpollicella · 26/08/2010 23:56

COG, I'm really really sorry to hear of what you've been through.

Please do not think that if you were drunk it wasn't rape. That's definately not the case

There are many organisations that you can speak to, months, years, decades after the even that can help you - I'm sure someone will post useful links soo.

But please do NOT blame yourself in anyway.

I'm sure that someone else will be along soon with more resources and better advice but didn't want your post unanswered x

Original poster
CoinOperatedGirl · 26/08/2010 23:57

It's odd though it doesn't bother me, I think I have buried it so deep that I never dealt with it at all.

OP posts:
Gigantaur · 26/08/2010 23:59

why are you feeling that it was not rape? what is it about the experience that makes you feel that it would not be considered rape?

try and talk thrugh how you are feeling and we will do what we can to help straighten it all out for you

tabouleh · 26/08/2010 23:59

Coin

I believe you.

You were not to blame.

I will look for some links which might be of use - have you been following any of the other posts today about rape Sad - don't listen to those unsupportive voices.

Gigantaur · 27/08/2010 00:01

i have steered clear of the other rape thread. i was raped by my childrens father, it was a daily occurance and whilst i think i am quite well recovered from it all i couldn't face a thread full of people arguing about its legitimacy

Original poster
CoinOperatedGirl · 27/08/2010 00:03

Because I woke up and he was inside me, I fought him off, got dressed and left. I got home and was so ashamed I had a bath and went to sleep. I went to college as usual the next day, |I didn't make a fuss or call the police, I buried it and carried on. I never tiold a soul. I feel like because I didn't make a fuss and wasn't obviously traumatised that it didn't matter iyswim.

OP posts:
tabouleh · 27/08/2010 00:04

www.thisisnotaninvitationtorapeme.co.uk/

www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

thread from right here in this section - lots of share experiences and dicussion of promiscuity following rape and dating rapists - both normal phenomena

TheCrackFox · 27/08/2010 00:05

Of course it matters. You were not to blame.

LadyBiscuit · 27/08/2010 00:06

COG - I think being able to acknowledge it is a really big step towards moving on. The next step is not feeling that it was your fault. I know how hard that is - I was raped by a bloke who I went out for a drink with and was 'too drunk' to go home. It happened over 10 years' ago but I still feel really fucking stupid about it. Having said that, I have no doubt that it wasn't my fault

Do you feel like that?

Gigantaur · 27/08/2010 00:08

i never went to the police either.
There were times when i would struggle and fight. others when i would lay there and just cry and cry hoping he would just hurry up and finish.

Your reaction to what happens has no bearing on whether it was an illegal act or not.

if i steal £10 from richard branson i doubt he would care too much, bt i would still be a theif.
does that make sense?

of courseyou care. and the fact that it is still bothering you now many years later shows that actually you were traumatised by what happened.

Prolesworth · 27/08/2010 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
CoinOperatedGirl · 27/08/2010 00:11

I have a partner and three children, not sure if that matters but I have never told him. He's a good guy anyway, would never do anything bad. I am very fucked up though, I just don't do talking irl. I thank you all for validating that I was raped, it still feels odd and like I'm not a proper rape victim, like a proper person would have reported it and been outraged. I was just silent.

OP posts:
Prolesworth · 27/08/2010 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tabouleh · 27/08/2010 00:14

Coin from what I have read - being silent and not reporting it is a VERY VERY NORMAL RESPONSE.

You are not silent any more! You have your voice here - we hear you. You were raped and it was not your fault.

Original poster
CoinOperatedGirl · 27/08/2010 00:14

Sorry for your experience Giganteur, I don't know what to say, I'm crap.

OP posts:
LadyBiscuit · 27/08/2010 00:15

I was absolutely silent COG. I even let him stay the night (in another room). I don't think to this day he really understands what he did. I thought I was fine until I got on a crowded bus and had a near breakdown but I have never reported it. You really are not alone

tabouleh · 27/08/2010 00:17

Coin - you are not crap! You are using such negative language about yourself.

Are you at home with your partner and DC tonight?

justabit · 27/08/2010 00:19

I've been looking at the screen for the past ten minutes trying to think of the "right" thing to write. I have no experience, no advice to offer. I just want to add my voice to the women on this and other threads who are saying that without a woman saying yes and being conscious enough to know that she is saying it then penetration is rape.

Original poster
CoinOperatedGirl · 27/08/2010 00:20

I think the whole thing is wrapped up in the fact I was quite promiscuous after that. I drank too much and would pretty much sleep with anyone. I'm lucky I didn't get an std, I was a twat through and through, honestly I was a drunken slapper. Don't think it was related to the rape but I really was a wanker.

OP posts:
NormalityBites · 27/08/2010 00:21

COG - I hear you. You were raped. But it is so difficult to comprehend, so outside norms of experience, it's so easy just to -blank- and carry on.

I don't know what you can do because I'm in a similar state. You're not the only one.

colditz · 27/08/2010 00:21

being a wanker is hurting people, not being promiscuous. You have the right to be as promiscuous as you like.

Gigantaur · 27/08/2010 00:26

you aren't crap at all.

only an estimated 7% of raoe cases are ever reported to the police. 93% of all rape victims are not crap.

you are very very normal.