TW-unpleasant sexual experiences- Anorgasmia-has anything worked for you? Sorry this is a long and brutally honest account of my experience.

[TheChinaBerryTree]

I have a very high sex drive, which doesn't help!

Some years ago I had a very bad sexual experience.

Following it, I was in a lot of pain, couldn't walk properly for a few days after which I developed several kidney infections, and following recovery from those, I found it difficult to tell when I needed to urinate (my body just wouldn't tell me until I was physically in pain!) and had to just 'guess' based on what I'd consumed liquid wise-sometimes (to not be giving TMI) I would then instantly know I should've gone hours ago!

I also couldn't orgasm.

Eventually after a year or so it got to the point where I could, but it wasn't as intense when I did. It also just happened all of a sudden following clitoral stimulation, I didn't get the 'build up' those nice intense feelings, realising I'd climax soon, it was just 'okay It's happening' then it happened, again without much intensity, and done.

I've had countless examinations and I was diagnosed with blunt force trauma to the cervix and pelvic damage at one point.

I was sent to a pelvic physiotherapist and when I got to the appointment was told 'Dunno why you're here, we don't treat things like that'.

I had an examination where I was then told (conversely) that it was all psychological, and sent to a psychosexual therapist, who was lovely but didn't listen to me at all and sent me vaginal dilators-my vagina isn't the problem, It's my clitoris.

On the back of this examination I was diagnosed with vaginismus and had to have my smear test under general anaesthetic.

I don't think I have vaginismus, I just completely clamped up during the test but they've always been difficult for me anyway.

I find the issue now is my clitoris is often completely numb. I can't feel anything when I do it myself so to speak. I've had a trusted FWB try, and sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't, sometimes I feel a LOT, sometimes nothing. Also when I DO feel, It's in a different place if you will? To before. One side of my clitoris rather than the other.

I never used to be like this, I loved sex, I always have. This may be a trivial issue but it is making me very miserable. I know the urethra is right next tothe clitoris-perhaps my clitoris has been damaged? And they're wrong about it being psychological?

I hope so. But what can help?

Someone suggested hypnosis when I posted about this on a different forum.

For context, I am a gay woman. And I've never orgasmed through anything other than clitoral stimulation.

Just wondering your age. This can happen after the menopause too.

Nowhere near.

And, well it would be a bit of a coincidence?

As soon as I'd healed from all of it, I couldn't do it.

Ah yes.. It was just a thought.

It sounds like you have been through a really traumatic experience and while I am not minimising the pain and discomfort that you feel, maybe some counselling would help to at least come to terms with the mental pain.

Suggest you try AI to see if there is anything on the web that might help. I have used AI to try and understand some medical problems I have and it just points me towards papers and websites with research that can help. It then helps me know how to engage with GP, what points to make, questions to ask etc ...

Just an idea.

Go to Temu / Health + Household / Sexual Wellness Products

There are literally dozens of different buzzing, vibrating toys for external and internal use.

They are very much cheaper than you’d find at LoveHoney or Boots.

Why not order a few and see if you can begin to revitalise your sexual responses?

So far as medical reasons go, I couldn’t say, I’m sorry.

Wishing you luck x

I was provided with a counsellor but as lovely as she were, as soon as she began telling me to 'try to get to the point where I could 'pop' a finger in!' I knew she'd not listened to a word I'd been saying..my vagina isn't the issue. I won't get another NHS one now and unfortunately I juat cannot justify spending the money at the moment..I've had counselling in the past for other things too and it hasn't ever helped me at all unfortunately. But thank you for the suggestion 🙂

Thank you-I actually didn't think of trying this, there's only ever been one toy that's ever worked on me, and this is the only one I use and sometimes still does, but I haven't tried others so I don't know do I?🙂

Thank you-I keep meaning to familiarise myself with AI.

I’m not asking you to answer this question here but was the bad sexual experience the sort of experience likely to give you trauma and have you got any symptoms like flashbacks etc? If so I would try edmr which is targeted therapy. And also have a read around functional medicine. It’s basically genuine physical symptoms which are caused by trauma. Edmr is very very effective for treating functional symptoms.

I had a birth injury 16 years ago that left me with exactly the same issues as you -I think it’s nerve damage.

My sensation has gradually improved over years and also through practice and experimentation - what works for me now isn’t the same as before, I think because some of the nerves have just gone, but I would say that in terms of sensation intensity I’m probably about 85% of where I was before. It did take a good 5 or 6 years to get back to anywhere near ‘normal’ and I still can’t fully tell when I need a wee!

I’m sure you’re aware as you sound very informed, but the clitoris wraps around the entirety of our pelvic floor. It sounds very much to me as if the internal part has been bruised or damaged in some way because of the trauma from your horrible experience. Childbirth for instance can change the way we orgasm and it sounds as if you almost went through something similar.
Maybe some nerve pain meds like gabapentin or amitryptiline would make a difference??
I am just spitballing.
Essentially it sounds as if you were horribly damaged and might not recover. We don’t sometimes. I’m so sorry. But the body is amazing and can do wonderful things.
Try a suction toy like the womaniser.
Maybe just gently love and touch yourself with plenty of lube with no thought of orgasming, just enjoy any relaxing sensations. Warm everything up again?

Thank you. I have had a gynecologicst say it was something comparable to a birth injury but that also, the vagina being something of a 'valve', it is somewhat designed to have a large 'object' come out, but not go in, so it isn't quite the same thing but the pressure around the area could've caused a similar trauma.

I feel a bit entitled saying that though. I have certainly not gone through anything as phenomenal, painful and sometimes very traumatic, as giving birth.

I am going to go back to the GP and ask for something different, and will name the suggestion of nerve meds. Thank you.

It's fine, thank you for your response.

Not really.
It could have resulted in medical trauma but it didn't-I quite well informed regarding trauma (forms part of my job), and have experienced it myself before but this didn't. I haven't had any symptoms. Having said that, I did consider EMDR just in case it would perhaps help regardless-I know trauma can be very easily 'buried' by the body, and that it may help me if this is indeed psychological.
I am not familiar with functional medicine and will take a look, thank you.

This gives me some hope, thank you! 85% sounds amazing! This was a few years ago now, roughly 3 to four, I can't recall exactly but if I go back through my medical history I can find out for certain.

I am the same with the wee thing. A lot better than it was, but nowhere near 'normal'.

Don't buy sex toys on Temu (many of them aren't body safe) or use AI which is often totally wrong!

One thing I have neglected to mention which may be relevant is, I did have a sexual experience around a year ago (different sexual partner) where she spent a LOT of time on foreplay and just seemed to 'get' me and know my body. It took longer than usual for me to orgasm once we had sex, but I did feel I'd say about 90%. We've had sex since though and it has only worked sometimes. This points more toward psychological I guess?

Maybe not. You've also had that much more time to heal physically too. I'd guess it's a combination of those things and you need to just give yourself time. 💐💐💐

I think in your case I would ask my GP for a referral to a urogynaecologist. I think you want a specialist in the anatomy and function of the area. I hope they would have links with specialist physio.

I definitely think try different vibrators and see if they make a difference xx

I have a similar issue but I suspect mine is down to clitoral shrinkage due to perimenopause. I can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation and it just wasn’t happening. It was like I could hardly actually feel anything at all. I tried those sucker toys but again, I felt they did nothing. I have a wand massager thing, which is better.

However, what has made the most difference for me has been using lots of lube on that area. I previously only used it periodically inside rather than outside. It’s really made things better so that might be worth a try, if you haven’t already.

You do know that some cheap plastic based products can be highly toxic when not conforming to CE standards, don’t you?! Eeeewwwww 😩

I know absolutely nothing about this but have you tried any alternative therapies like hypnosis or acupuncture? I don’t believe the science behind acupuncture but it really helped me to deal with stress and some medical issues.

wishing you all the best.

Thank you for the advice-would a urogynae 'just' deal with the issues with urinating though? Forgive my ignorance.
It may sound hedonistic but that's the least of my worries 😂I am more concerned with never feeling much pleasure again or it at least being a much more difficult to acheive 'task'.

Well they are reviewed (positively) by happy people from all countries in the world, who aren’t complaining.

My understanding would be that a urogynae would be surgically trained so would have a good structural understanding of the whole area - motor nerves, sensory nerves, function, the lot. Tbh if you were lucky with a plain old gynaecologist you might be fine too but I'd ask for really specialist and see what the GP says. Just be very clear about the sexual and urination issues.