TW-unpleasant sexual experiences- Anorgasmia-has anything worked for you? Sorry this is a long and brutally honest account of my experience.

[TheChinaBerryTree]

I have a very high sex drive, which doesn't help!

Some years ago I had a very bad sexual experience.

Following it, I was in a lot of pain, couldn't walk properly for a few days after which I developed several kidney infections, and following recovery from those, I found it difficult to tell when I needed to urinate (my body just wouldn't tell me until I was physically in pain!) and had to just 'guess' based on what I'd consumed liquid wise-sometimes (to not be giving TMI) I would then instantly know I should've gone hours ago!

I also couldn't orgasm.

Eventually after a year or so it got to the point where I could, but it wasn't as intense when I did. It also just happened all of a sudden following clitoral stimulation, I didn't get the 'build up' those nice intense feelings, realising I'd climax soon, it was just 'okay It's happening' then it happened, again without much intensity, and done.

I've had countless examinations and I was diagnosed with blunt force trauma to the cervix and pelvic damage at one point.

I was sent to a pelvic physiotherapist and when I got to the appointment was told 'Dunno why you're here, we don't treat things like that'.

I had an examination where I was then told (conversely) that it was all psychological, and sent to a psychosexual therapist, who was lovely but didn't listen to me at all and sent me vaginal dilators-my vagina isn't the problem, It's my clitoris.

On the back of this examination I was diagnosed with vaginismus and had to have my smear test under general anaesthetic.

I don't think I have vaginismus, I just completely clamped up during the test but they've always been difficult for me anyway.

I find the issue now is my clitoris is often completely numb. I can't feel anything when I do it myself so to speak. I've had a trusted FWB try, and sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't, sometimes I feel a LOT, sometimes nothing. Also when I DO feel, It's in a different place if you will? To before. One side of my clitoris rather than the other.

I never used to be like this, I loved sex, I always have. This may be a trivial issue but it is making me very miserable. I know the urethra is right next tothe clitoris-perhaps my clitoris has been damaged? And they're wrong about it being psychological?

I hope so. But what can help?

Someone suggested hypnosis when I posted about this on a different forum.

For context, I am a gay woman. And I've never orgasmed through anything other than clitoral stimulation.

Thank you-that makes sense. I am willing to throw some money at this issue if necessary. Of course I will try the GP first.

I am similar, have you noticed fusing of the skin at all? It the sides of the clitoris?

Some years ago I had a very bad sexual experience.

Part of healing from sexual assault and rape is naming it. Something that caused you this much physical injury cannot have been consensual, even if you didn't resist or object at the time. It's not a "sexual experience", it's a sexual assault. That you don't name it as such suggests that the mental damage might be worse than you are letting yourself acknowledge.

I recommend the Hitachi wand for the physical aspects.

I sympathise about the medical misogyny that equates vaginal penetration with orgasm. Try a private sexual therapist, and if they don't listen, try another and another and another until you find one who does.

I haven't but I will look later! I am sorry you're having similar issues. It's very demoralising and difficult.

Thank you for the empathy-it was a bit different to that however.
I wasn't raped-I did consent and females legally cannot rape-it was a 'too large' toy that I consented to be used-I had no idea how much damage it would do, it felt too much at the time, didn't last long and then the next day the real pain started.

I have a wand, but (I am not sure if they're all different!) mine doesn't continually 'buzz' it stops and starts. The only setting where it is continuous isn't powerful enough.
This one was through the NHS admittedly-I am in the middle of buying a house and my car's up on blocks (amidst other things!) but the moment finances are a bit less turbulent I will look at a different therapist.

I admit that I do perhaps need to reframe the experience in my head. The woman who did it (my ex) wouldn't allow me to talk about it, wouldn't attend any appointments, wouldn't' support me at all in the period following which I KNOW has contributed to this issue. She totally abandoned me with regards to it.

The woman who did it (my ex) wouldn't allow me to talk about it, wouldn't attend any appointments, wouldn't' support me at all in the period following which I KNOW has contributed to this issue.

It may not have been sexual assault, but the way she handled it is inconsiderate to the point of abusive. If a decent person realised post facto that she'd injured a partner during sex, she'd feel awful and do everything she could to make it right.

Disenfranchised grief is well-known as being the hardest to recover from. I think you've got disenfranchised trauma. Because you said "yes" and didn't realise the damage you were taking at the time, you probably feel like you've got no right to be angry or grieve your former sexual capacity because you agreed to the use of that toy. You've still been injured, which you have every right to grieve about, and your ex is still in the wrong for how she treated you afterwards.

It felt too much at the time but you didn't feel like you could say "stop". The kind of partner who tries to stop you from talking about a bad session is also the kind of partner who makes you feel uncomfortable saying "stop".

My wand is the Hitachi, it vibrates continuously in three power options ("high", "low", and "off") and plugs into the mains. These modern fancypants toys with all the silly vibration patterns don't do it for me either.