Just how bad is menopause?

[SpectacularSalt]

In short I’m terrified of it. I’m 49 and I feel like every trip to the GP no matter what is wrong with me is put down to the menopause. I’m not menopausal. I’m not even perimenopausal. I’ve had my hormone levels checked recently (following my frankly horrific uterine fibroid embolisation but that’s another story). I’m definitely not in the menopause.
But I know I will be menopausal in the next five years or so and I don’t know how bad things are going to get.
For the past 15 years I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, anaemia and sleep apnoea. I’ve been a walking zombie, constantly seeking sleep and rest but never quite getting enough. I have night terrors and I find it impossible to relax. My brain is always racing. I've had times of being so low, I’ve wanted to exit.
My question is - If I’m like this now, how bad is it going to get once my hormones change? Can anyone who has depression and anxiety and has gone through the menopause tell me what it was like for them?
All I read about is sleeplessness, anxiety and mood swings. How will that be, on top of the exhaustion, depression and anxiety I already have??

My symptoms were bad. I saw my GP and started HRT. It took about 6 months to get the right combo for me but have now been on it for 6 years and feel good. I think you need to see how it affects you. My mum was very much "oh I just got on with it". She didn't, she was an absolute nightmare for years and HRT might have made things easier for us all. I intend to take HRT for as long as possible. Read some books on the subject it will help when the time comes.

@Allshallbewell2021 I snorted with laughter when I ready this. I love the idea that you were too busy to notice!

@Remagirl yes, I cannot stand the ‘just get on with it’ mentality when the reality is that the person isn’t coping and is making life harder for everyone else.

My absolute worst symptom was bladder pain - like having a bad uti that you can't fix. The doctors seemed almost unaware that this could even be a menopause symptom. I also had crushing anxiety that I didn't even realise I had until it stopped - I just thought all the stuff I was worrying about was normal!
But if you are aware of potential symptoms before you experience them, then you are miles ahead. I now have pessaries for the bladder issue and HRT. It's not perfect but is much better. You can be proactive because you are aware.
Re the hormone tests - just having one test is a snapshot. Hormone levels can fluctuate a lot even within a day. To get a more accurate picture your doctor should test once a week for a few weeks and then look at the results.

My mum seemed to sail through her menopause, so try not to worry about it too much - lots of women are very fortunate - it's just that you hear more from women who needed help. People tend not to talk about things that go well.

I think there were lots of symptoms but I just thought they were part of getting older. I think I was unintentionally stoic!
Also it happened before there was any public discourse; I missed the boat.

@Gettingbysomehow did you have to change your antidepressants or anti anxiety meds as well as using HRT? Sorry you had such a grim time.

Other than v heavy periods beforehand, I had no menopause symptoms whatsoever.

I barely noticed it.

This keeps coming up, and nobody can answer coz.... wait for it.... it's different for everyone.
But there is currently a media-driven narrative that it's awful for everyone and we should all be given "special" treatment. Bullshit! Whilst some women may have a tough time, of course, large numbers will not. For me, my periods stopped at age 56 and that was pretty much it, so menopause is/was entirely a good thing.

So just get on with your life, stay away from the GP if at all possible, and embrace the fact that maturity is to be celebrated!

Whilst I think it's great that menopause is talked about more in minstream media now, I think a downside of it has been that it gets catastrophised in certain quarters. So women end up thinking it's inveitably going to be horrendous.

I was fully expecting a horrendous one as like you I have suffered mental health issues, also addiction issues (now well in the past thankfully) and had had multiple fobroid surgeries with lots of period problems for years.

In the event it actually was nowhere near as bad as when my fibroid issues were at their height, I did get some down days and also some tiredness but tbh due to my past MH issues I already had tools to cope with that.

It probably won'e be as bad as you fear it will be OP.

@BeaRF75 I’m not just asking a general ‘tell me about the menopause’ question. I’m asking ‘if you had existing anxiety and depression, did the menopause make them worse? Better? No different?’
Sorry if that wasn’t clear.
I feel like I’ve dragged myself through the last 15 years and if things might get worse, I need to get some coping strategies in place. And I can’t stay away from the GP I’m afraid. They like to check up on you when they are repeatedly dispensing antidepressants to you.

Thank you @CantDealwithChristmas
that’s helpful to know. I do sometimes wonder if with everything that’s happened to me in the past 15 years, I’m already set to cope since it’s just going to be more of the same. And then maybe it might be better even!

I was relived to be told peri was a coming if it hadn’t already. The ovary that could be seen during private scan chocker full less than a month after nhs hysterscopy with a grinning consultant said I’d have no more heavy periods (unsure where he’d magic’d this from);and could ‘ditch the pill’.
The. NHS cowards thought they should lie until I was 50 odd - not good or respectful. I have an appointment on Friday to discuss about coil removal and left so confused and wanting no one to touch me I could honestly cry.

Dad coming in instead of Mum to next gynaecologist appointment. Forget davina mc. Dad doesn’t take bull.

I'm 53 and still waiting for menopause. Thankfully I've got a Mirena coil as 2 C sections left me with chronic scar tissue and I used to get terrible flooding. So I've got no idea when it will bite me in the arse or if it already has started to!

🙄 good job women support other women around here. I suppose we should get rid of thyroid and diabetes medication as well since people used to cope without the necessary hormones without a giant fuss?

It infuriates me that doctors are so keen to put everything down to the menopause just because you are 40 something. I dread to think how many illnesses are missed as misdiagnosed menopause.

My menopause wasn't awful apart from hot flushes. What you don't hear mentioned so much are the positives. Life is no longer ruled by a 28 day rollercoster of physical and mental ups and downs. No more PMS, no more periods. No more mood swings, just a constant stable norm.

Coverage of menopause just concentrates on the worst symptoms ( it is good it's not swept under the carpet) but it does distort the reality for many. My periods spaced out a bit and then stopped. I got hot flashes - they lasted seconds - for a few weeks and that was that, so try not to jump to worst case scenario.

It wasn't too bad for me. My regular periods became very erratic and heavier but a Mirena coil stopped them completely.

The worst thing was the constant overheating, not so much flushes. A supplement sorted that out pretty well. I didn't like the brain fog and forgetfulness, that drove me nuts. Thankfully my brain has come back now, sharp as ever. The vaginal atrophy was truly horrid, but topical oestrogen fixed that.

I did eventually start HRT, mainly because I hoped it would sort out joint pain. It did.

Reading back I said it wasn't too bad, but my post makes it sound awful. Maybe it's the brain fog again! No, honestly I just accepted it as something I had to go through and I coped.

Oh, the important bit - I've been on ADs for ages, but didn't need to adjust the type or the dosage. Anxiety isn't an issue for me.

I barely noticed it. Noone can tell you what to expect though.

I had none of the traditional side effects at all. I was very lucky

It wasn’t great for a couple of years but nothing like being ill, certainly not worth worrying about, it’s better to think of ways you can help yourself.
I ditched all caffeine and that really helped with anxiety. I hardly drink alcohol as that definitely made night sweats worse. Exercise really does help as does eating healthily.
I use Ostrogel and have the Mirena coil.

I get hot when it’s hot - so dress accordingly. I tend to avoid the sun because of this. But no other symptoms. No hot flushes as such.
My periods stopped three years ago.

I'm also from the generation where HRT was not freely available as it was thought to cause cancer and, while that will have been awful for a small number of women, the huge majority of us came through it unscathed. I don't personally know anyone who really struggled or who took HRT back then.
I do wonder if some of the experts now frighten women into being hyperaware of symptoms as it seems odd that there is such a disparity in experience in just 10-15 years

For some women lower hormone levels can alleviate some of the symptoms you list. My Dcousin had a hellish time every month. Severe depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and paranoia. Eventually she was diagnosed with PMDD and had a total hysterectomy to stop her cycle at 40. I don’t know whether she takes HR, I seem to remember that they had to be very careful titrating the doses.
My own experience on meno was mild hot flushes, dragon moods and muscle aches and pains and insomnia.
I took HRT for 4 yrs but had to stop when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. To be honest the HRT helped the moods and hot flushes but made no difference to the muscle and joint pains. It also made the insomnia 10x worse.
Since stopping, I’m now post meno, my moods are fine, I have the odd hot flush and I sleep really well.
I discovered the muscle and joint pain was related to magnesium and Vit B 12 deficiency. Unfortunately the drugs I take post breast cancer cause joint pains due to fluid retention in the joints, I take diuretics which reduce the problem.

I'm sure I was lucky, but I didn't have hot flushes, and it was all pretty plain sailing; my periods just gradually became more irregular and sparse and then stopped. Obviously three have been other effects on my skin, hair, etc, but none of it's terrible. Most significantly, where I used to get some awful headaches, particularly around period time, they've disappeared, which is a major, major improvement to my life.

The other problem I had with HRT was that it stimulated rapid growth of the fibroids I didn’t know I had. This in turn caused really bad sciatica.