Just how bad is menopause?

[SpectacularSalt]

In short I’m terrified of it. I’m 49 and I feel like every trip to the GP no matter what is wrong with me is put down to the menopause. I’m not menopausal. I’m not even perimenopausal. I’ve had my hormone levels checked recently (following my frankly horrific uterine fibroid embolisation but that’s another story). I’m definitely not in the menopause.
But I know I will be menopausal in the next five years or so and I don’t know how bad things are going to get.
For the past 15 years I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, anaemia and sleep apnoea. I’ve been a walking zombie, constantly seeking sleep and rest but never quite getting enough. I have night terrors and I find it impossible to relax. My brain is always racing. I've had times of being so low, I’ve wanted to exit.
My question is - If I’m like this now, how bad is it going to get once my hormones change? Can anyone who has depression and anxiety and has gone through the menopause tell me what it was like for them?
All I read about is sleeplessness, anxiety and mood swings. How will that be, on top of the exhaustion, depression and anxiety I already have??

In my case, not bad at all! Only had hot flushes (yes they're not pleasant) but nothing else. Don't need HRT. Was a huge relief to have no more painful periods! Honestly OP you will get a range of answers, it's different for everyone. I did pretty much repeat my mother's symptoms or lack thereof.

Edit: I have had plenty of depression and anxiety in the past but menopause didn't affect that in any way or bring it back.

Not sure what to say. I am older and belong to the generation where we just got on with it, without too much fuss and without HRT. Was it that bad? No it was not.

Same with childbirth.

I had quite bad symptoms.

I spoke to my mum about it and she had nothing.

So it really varies from woman to woman.

Mine was absolutely gri. And made my CPTSD much worse.
HRT saved me.

I'm 49, don't have 'traditional' symptoms, but I'm on HRT, as much for the wider bone health and heart health than anything. I'd really recommend listening to some podcasts about menopause (ZOË did a really good one recently) about menopause misconceptions - hormone tests being one of them (hormone tests don't work). Could your symptoms maybe be as a result of peri-menopause? What have your doctors advised (although many doctors have had so little training in menopause, they may not be best placed to advise you anyway)?

What treatment are you having/have you had for your mental health issues over the last 15 years?

My menopause was...OK. HRT isn't really a thing here in Portugal so I just sat it out - yes, hot sweats were annoying, the joint pain was not something I'd heard about but pain killers dealt with it and there were times when I felt down but knowing it was temporary helped. Now, five years on, I feel good.

I think it really does vary, woman to woman. I have friends who really suffer (hot sweats, moods, irregular bleeding etc) and a couple of others who have breezed through it.

I get how you feel though OP, I've been up and down mentally for the last 10 years and can't help but wonder what it'll be like for me

I went from having a period every month to having one every 3 months then nothing.

I had 1 hot sweat.

25% of women sail through barely noticing anything

Half have mild symptoms

25% have life affecting symptoms - the flushes , the aches, the brain fogs ( there are loads of symptoms )

You won't know till you get there

However , it seems that if you are already 49 with no symptoms it's more likely you will be a sail through type

My gynae consultant ran the test to check whether the embolisation had triggered the menopause (as it can do) so there must be some value in a hormone test!
And I’ve been having all the other stuff for 15 years and through four pregnancies so I really doubt I started perimenopause in my early 30s.

I’ve been on sertraline for 6 years now. Plus one lot of counselling through NHS when things got really really dark.

This is my dream scenario! 🤣

i wouldnt worry about it op
take it as it comes

I’m literally built from worry. Not worrying is not an option 🤣

I had zero symtoms until 51 and am a stoic type. I was perfectly happy to just get through it. However, shortly after my 51st I had a hot flush which turned into a continuous series of hot flushes that lasted 10 days. It was horrendous. Way worse than I had expected. On Day 11 I actually got sent to A and E by 111 as the heart palpitations were so bad. The sense of dread and doom was also awful. I really thought i was having a heart attack (early death from heart conditions in the family).

Day 12 I went to GP and got HRT qnd havent looked back. I have a really hectic, full on job where I have to be on camera multiple times a day or presenting to a room full of people. I have kids in early secondary that still need a lot of help with homework and ferrying around etc. There was no way I could live like that. Trying to just get through it would have sent me over the edge and I would have gone over the edge into stress and depression big time. If i didnt work and could rest in the house all day (like my mother did, and she still sank into depression) I probably would have just pushed through. But those symptoms just were not compatible with my life. Im only on the lowest does patches still and find that fine still. The progesterone/utrogestan component took a good 6-9 cycles to get used to and not wake up feeling zombified, but is fine now.

I am generally a resilient grin and bear it type, no pain relief in childbirth, push through when feeling unwell etc but I was really taken aback how bad that 2 weeks was and it was HRT all the way forward for me after that. No troubling symptoms since.

I had a terrible time in my teens, vomit, heavy flow, debilitating pain.

I have a theory that you have a hard time at the start or end of you fertility.

Of course I have no daya or reason to think that.

When you say you had your hormones checked, was it a one off, and did anyone take into account where in your cycle you are? My understanding is that a single blood test tells you nothing, you need multiple results to track over your cycle. And over 45, they don't normally bother. The reality is that age 49, you ARE perimenopausal, because that is the period of time leading up to menopause, but you may or may not have symptoms.

I have suffered horrendously with the mental health aspects. Only after starting on HRT have I recognised that this has been impacting me most of my adult life.

I had hormone related depression, so no, being pretty much through it I think at 55, and having to stop HRT this year, I'm finding being hormone free (ish I know I'm not) rather refreshing. No mood swings every month.

but HRT did get me through the first few years of perimenopause where I was very anxious, didn't sleep, night sweats etc etc. It really helped.

Could be something in that, I had very few issues with periods except a bit of cramping the day before.

I'm physically disabled.

I have what they call secondary anxiety and depression (ie I'm depressed about being disabled and anxious about getting out and about in a wheelchair)

I also have chronic pain.

(I was in an accident ten years ago).

I started peri about two years ago. I was already on amytriptylline (old style anti depressant) for nerve pain.

There was no significant increase in pain. Hot flushes were annoying. I learnt to layer up and use breathable fabrics and carry deodorant bloody everywhere. Anxiety did really ramp up but my consultant switched me to duloxetine which made a difference.

I am now on HRT patches.

Anxiety is almost completely gone and actually at the lowest level since my accident. I still get hot flushes occasionally.

I barely noticed. I was very busy though.

I didn’t have any symptoms, my periods just stopped. Never had any issues with my periods since puberty either.

Not to say the people who suffer badly weren't busy! Just that I didn't particularly notice.

@Octavia64 thank you, that’s really useful insight. I wonder whether I may need to change my antidepressants when I get to menopause to reflect the change in my brain chemistry.

I'm not there yet but we had some employee health type meetings at work where they went through all the stuff that could happen and really freaked me out.

Rang my mum and asked about hers and apparently she had one of those barely even noticed it happening type menopauses.

I'm not worrying anymore, although I'm not quite there yet, as I figure it's like childbirth and I'm best assuming it will be easy and then just dealing with it as it comes if I have any symptoms.