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Women's health

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Original poster

How do people stay childless / childfree for 20 plus years?

68 replies

sunshineandstarsgirl · 13/10/2023 22:38

What contraception do they use? Is the pill and condom the most effective if used together? I don't want any children, so was wondering what protection to use?

OP posts:
lovelyjubbly888 · 14/10/2023 01:52

Condoms? Used them for 10+ years. Don’t really understand why anyone would need to go on pill/implant with using condoms to be honest.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 14/10/2023 02:05

I started taking the pill at 16. It successfully saw me through a couple of long term relationships and the first 15 years of marriage. When I stopped taking it, it took 9 months for my first period to show up. The periods after that were so irregular that I was 17 weeks pregnant before I realised. By this point we had emigrated to a different continent and had talked about having a child, not knowing that he was already well
on the way!

RantyAnty · 14/10/2023 02:39

Snip

CurlewKate · 14/10/2023 02:57

At the risk of being flamed, I think the overwhelming majority of contraceptive failures are actually user errors.

EBearhug · 14/10/2023 03:00

I would agree, but I had a friend who had a coil baby that wasn't due to be replaced, so it's not always, unless the human error was with the doctor who had inserted it some time before.

saythatagaintome · 14/10/2023 03:32

IUD’s

copper lasts 12 yrs, and I believe hormonal must be removed after 6-7?

I’ve copper and it’s the best not having to worry about it.

user1477391263 · 14/10/2023 04:00

Nearly all childfree by choice women are OK with abortion. I am pretty sure that CFBC, in the event of a slipup, use the morning after pill; in other cases, they would have an abortion. In any case, the majority of "contraception failures" are "failures to use contraception properly"; if you are motivated and really do use modern birth control methods correctly, the risk of a disaster is not zero, but it is small.

I am personally somewhat skeptical about quite a lot of the endless reams of "accidental pregnancies" we hear about on MN. While accidents can genuinely happen, women who really and truly do not want children nearly always seem to avoid having them.

I think that a lot of pregnancies described as "accidental" fall into the grey area of "not exactly trying, but not preventing, and then dithering and leaving it too late for a termination because I sort of want a kid with this guy and sort of don't."

And I also think quite a lot of them were planned, but the woman is engaging in a little rewriting-of-history when things don't go too well. Whenever we hear on here about a woman struggling with motherhood because her partner is a useless twat (cheat, hopeless with money, gambling/gaming addict, no interest in family life), the pregnancy is always described as "accidental"; I think that in a lot of cases, the real truth is that the woman is now embarrassed about having planned or semi-planned a pregnancy with such an obviously hopeless guy.

"Help, help, I had a contraception disaster" is less mortifying than "Yes, I was a fool and did indeed intentionally get pregnant (or not try very hard to avoid getting pregnant) with a guy who most people could see was not going to be a good father."

giadaros · 14/10/2023 04:37

Infertility and multiple miscarriages

GarlicGrace · 14/10/2023 05:00

I used a diaphragm with the spermicidal gel. I can't guarantee it was effective, because all my (wanted) pregnancies failed and my periods weren't regular. But it's a safe & easy method with 95% effectiveness. I'm surprised it's mentioned so rarely!

Ragwort · 14/10/2023 05:07

I took the pill for over 20 years, was very, very strict about taking it and never 'had a scare'. It probably wouldn't be advised these days though to take it for so long?

No problems when I stopped taking it and chose TTC in my early 40s.

SquashPenguin · 14/10/2023 05:47

Take ‘childless’ out of the title. That’s not the same thing.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 14/10/2023 06:22

Wednesdaysotherchild · 14/10/2023 01:11

Infertility - my angry uterus offs all my pregnancies very reliably before 6 weeks. I am so mad at how much money I have wasted on condoms in long term relationships!

Same, although it was usually the 8/9 week mark for me. Recurrent miscarriages unit prescribed progesterone suppositories which finally maintained my pregnancy. I don't know if it's something you've looked into or if you're even still TTC but if so, it's worth a look.

Totalwasteofpaper · 14/10/2023 07:36

I used a two pronged attack and went for the pill (no eggs) combined with condoms (no sperm).

I was sexually active for 20 years and never had an scares / pregnancies until I actively started trying for a baby and then l fell pregnant twice at an "advanced" age without issue either times so presumably have good fertility

StoatofDisarray · 14/10/2023 08:05

Non-hormonal IUD here. I never had an accident but if I had done, I would have aborted.

Hibiscrubbed · 14/10/2023 08:32

GarlicGrace · 14/10/2023 05:00

I used a diaphragm with the spermicidal gel. I can't guarantee it was effective, because all my (wanted) pregnancies failed and my periods weren't regular. But it's a safe & easy method with 95% effectiveness. I'm surprised it's mentioned so rarely!

Because they’re horrible to use and a lot less effective than other methods, at a guess.

WeightoftheWorld · 14/10/2023 08:35

I have two kids, but just to say that we have almost always done 'double dutch' in between trying for our kids i.e. two methods of contraception. I'd be too anxious to rely on one alone, an unplanned pregnancy for us would always be a disaster. I have always taken the combined oral contraceptive pill but one of the ones with the 20mg oestrogen otherwise I get worse migraines, and then we use condoms too. I know this is probably very rare for a long term couple to use condoms for most of their time together though!

Theeyeballsinthesky · 14/10/2023 08:36

Childless women are women who wanted to have children but couldn’t. It is completely different to child free women who have made a conscious decision not to have children.

I managed to remain childless by being infertile

Unic0rnSparkle0405 · 14/10/2023 08:55

I had 2 Mirena Coils over 10 years through my 20's as I didn't want children until my 30's. Had my 1st child at 30 when I had the coil removed. They did the trick - no unwanted pregnancies and made my periods almost non existent.

mydogisthebest · 14/10/2023 09:30

DH got a vasectomy aged 27 to make sure we never had children. He had to go private as our stupid GP would not believe that we could know for sure we didn't want children as we were too young!

When we married he was 23 and I was 26. We discussed children and decided we didn't want any.

fearfuloffluff · 14/10/2023 09:34

I don't really get the question.

People who want children overall manage to space them as a rule, by using contraception.

Is avoiding unwanted pregnancy for 20 years than avoiding it for a couple of years between children, and then after them?

Plenty of couples with kids finish having them then have 20 more years where conception would be possible. If average menopause age is about 50, you'd just have to be done by 30.

OMGitsnotgood · 14/10/2023 09:35

Please report and ask for your title to be edited. Most of the child free couples I know couldn't have children.

We had a healthy sex life. I was on the pill for the first 15 years of our relationship and no unwanted pregnancies. That said, I was always acutely aware of when i'd forgotten to take a pill or had had an upset stomach and used alternatives or just didn't til safe again. Once we knew we wouldn't want any more DC, DH had a vasectomy.

SoRainbowRhythms · 14/10/2023 09:37

The pill. And DH on be list for the snip.

Agree the title should be changed @sunshineandstarsgirl

EBearhug · 14/10/2023 13:16

Hibiscrubbed · 14/10/2023 08:32

Because they’re horrible to use and a lot less effective than other methods, at a guess.

Show quote history

It's also increasingly difficult to find a nurse trained in fitting them.

RuffledKestrel · 14/10/2023 13:34

I've never wanted to have my own kids so I've always doubled up on contraception. Over the years it's been mostly condoms plus the pill or implant. I'm not a fan of coils.
My current partner was more than happy to get a vasectomy so we've ditched the condoms now. I've got to admit, it was a surprise to me how much of a relief I've felt since he got it done that the chances of getting pregnant now are so much more slim now.

I've never had a "scare" but equally I would have an abortion if I did. Glad I haven't had too as some sound terrifying to go though.

Original poster
sunshineandstarsgirl · 14/10/2023 13:49

Sorry. I can't see an option to edit title.

OP posts: