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Original poster

New partner STI?

42 replies

Newnamesoembarrassed · 25/01/2023 22:13

So embarrassed.

Started seeing a guy about a month ago after being single for a year.
Had a postal/home STI test in February last year, all clear. Not slept with anyone since.
Slept with new guy 2 wks ago. Once with condom and once without. I know, stupid.

He now has COVID and a raging temperature, feeling sorry for himself etc so I’ve been voice messaging, dropped off a treat box etc and trying to be supportive from afar. He messaged today saying he thinks he caught something from when we had sex. He says he has “discharge”.

I am mortified.

I assumed my previous STI test was reliable, I’m worried it wasn’t, I’m worried he might have given something to me, I’m worried he thinks I’m a dirty hoe bag.
I’ve ordered another home test but have no symptoms, yet.

He hasn’t been accusational but I can tell he thinks it’s from me. I’ve been trying so hard to do everything right, not be “too much”, be emotionally available, and it feels like everything is against me finding someone to be with. Just want the ground to swallow me up. We won’t get back in track after this.

Any advice other than get checked myself? I know I’m an idiot.

OP posts:
jelly79 · 25/01/2023 22:18

Woah you are taking all the blame and being super hard on yourself

You had a Clear STI test so there is a strong possibility he has had it before you or from someone else

LBFseBrom · 25/01/2023 22:18

If you tested negative then he caught nothing from you. His 'discharge' could be caused by all sorts of things and he is wrong to be accusing you - you may not be the only one he is accusing.

He could of course have now passed something on to you so have another test but don't communicate with this dickhead again, you can do far better.

Aldibag · 25/01/2023 22:21

What you’re saying about this woman is awful. Calling her a dirty hoe bag? Stopping her being ‘too much’? Saying she’s an idiot? Frightening her by saying the romance is doomed (note: if it is finished because the guy wants to ‘accuse’ her of the ‘crime’ of a bacteria, then it was evidently not a very interesting romance in the first place).

Honestly, you are bullying this poor woman.

CloudSunLeavesCoud · 25/01/2023 22:24

You tell him the facts. you had a clear test before you slept with him and not slept with anyone else since that test. He needs to get tested asap and let you know if he’s given you something. He’s being an arsehole for accusing you without having tested himself. He may not even have an sti. What an immature arsehole. After you clear this matter up never speak to him again.

ICanHideButICantRun · 25/01/2023 22:27

@Aldibag Wrong thread, I think!

ICanHideButICantRun · 25/01/2023 22:28

OP, it's come from him, not you, and he's blaming you for it, too.

Get yourself to a clinic asap.

Worriere · 25/01/2023 22:32

Assuming your postal test was only a swab? If so I'd go to clinic and get full swabs and bloods to be sure.

Aldibag · 25/01/2023 22:33

Not at all. The OP should look at what she is saying to herself in this situation. If she isn’t backing herself after two sleeps with this man, she’s going to find herself in very deep water later on (especially if he has any kind of dominant or cruel streak to his character).

Original poster
Newnamesoembarrassed · 25/01/2023 22:34

He hasn’t been accusational, just silent since we were messaging about it. Maybe he’s just feeling rough.
He hasn’t been rude, I appreciate him letting me know, thought it was mature etc

Is the a home test I’ve just ordered enough? I can’t get to a GUM clinic before the end of next wk and the gp is a nightmare to see, rather go to a GUM anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newnamesoembarrassed · 25/01/2023 22:34

Home test is a swab and bloods

OP posts:
winterbegone · 25/01/2023 22:46

He is accusing you and now sulking and feeling sorry for himself. I think he could of expressed his worries better such as asking if you've been tested recently.

overthinkersanonnymus · 25/01/2023 22:51

Aldibag · 25/01/2023 22:21

What you’re saying about this woman is awful. Calling her a dirty hoe bag? Stopping her being ‘too much’? Saying she’s an idiot? Frightening her by saying the romance is doomed (note: if it is finished because the guy wants to ‘accuse’ her of the ‘crime’ of a bacteria, then it was evidently not a very interesting romance in the first place).

Honestly, you are bullying this poor woman.

You do know she's talking about herself? Or have you crossed threads?

jelly79 · 25/01/2023 22:51

Could he be ending things? He has covid and you have been helping him so he has blagged these STI tests. Now you are apologetic he has gone quiet?

Original poster
Newnamesoembarrassed · 25/01/2023 22:57

He wasn’t rude or anything just asked if I was ok/had symptoms etc

God what if it is me?! What if the tests last year weren’t correct or they mixed up the samples? I will die of shame, he will think I knew or that I was lying.

I have considered that it might be his way of ending it. It might be. I’m so disappointed. I really like him so much.

I should have retested before I slept with him just incase.

OP posts:
Aldibag · 25/01/2023 23:01

Of course. Maybe I was too subtle but I suspect OP got my point…

A guy has said something about a thing and she puts ‘hoe bag’ on the table about herself. She’s trying hard not to be ‘too much’ as she looks out for him in his COVID.

OP, you’re ok.

Your self-talk: YABU

winterbegone · 25/01/2023 23:04

Have more faith in yourself, you know you did a test and it's highly unlikely that it's wrong especially if you haven't had symptoms, don't blame yourself.
Has he said he's also tested negative before you?

Original poster
Newnamesoembarrassed · 25/01/2023 23:10

No he’s not said when he last tested or how many people he has slept with etc
I don’t think I want to ask

Thanks @Aldibag but I’m the common factor in the shit show that is my love life.

As Taylor says:
it’s me… I’m the problem it’s me.

OP posts:
bbqchickenandsalad · 25/01/2023 23:11

Why would it be you?! You don't know his sexual history, it's just as likely he's had something and passed it to you.

bbqchickenandsalad · 25/01/2023 23:13

Do you still have the results from the test you did? Because I'd be screenshoting that and sending it to him with the message 'this is a you problem'

IneedanewTV · 25/01/2023 23:15

Op you tested yourself a year ago and you were negative. You have not slept with anyone since and have no symptoms.

he now Blames you! Hello?? When did he last have a clear test? It might be a Sti and it might not. But either way he is rude and you do not need to spend anymore time with him. .

stop beating yourself up and move on.

BeckyWithTheGoodHair010101 · 25/01/2023 23:17

Why do you assume it's you when the odds are stacked in your favour? If he's got something it's likely he's given it to you given you've had a clear test.

Original poster
Newnamesoembarrassed · 25/01/2023 23:19

He’s really not being rude.

Yeah I sent the screen shots immediately.

Thanks everyone, awaiting the test kit and then the results.

OP posts:
Aldibag · 25/01/2023 23:26

STI:
It’s me. Hi… I’m a commonplace issue that happens in normal adult life

Self-talk:
We’re going down. I’m yelling Timber…

Original poster
Newnamesoembarrassed · 25/01/2023 23:31

Going down is what got me in this position in the first place 🙈

OP posts:
Aldibag · 25/01/2023 23:37

😂