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Women's health

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Original poster

New partner STI?

42 replies

Newnamesoembarrassed · 25/01/2023 22:13

So embarrassed.

Started seeing a guy about a month ago after being single for a year.
Had a postal/home STI test in February last year, all clear. Not slept with anyone since.
Slept with new guy 2 wks ago. Once with condom and once without. I know, stupid.

He now has COVID and a raging temperature, feeling sorry for himself etc so I’ve been voice messaging, dropped off a treat box etc and trying to be supportive from afar. He messaged today saying he thinks he caught something from when we had sex. He says he has “discharge”.

I am mortified.

I assumed my previous STI test was reliable, I’m worried it wasn’t, I’m worried he might have given something to me, I’m worried he thinks I’m a dirty hoe bag.
I’ve ordered another home test but have no symptoms, yet.

He hasn’t been accusational but I can tell he thinks it’s from me. I’ve been trying so hard to do everything right, not be “too much”, be emotionally available, and it feels like everything is against me finding someone to be with. Just want the ground to swallow me up. We won’t get back in track after this.

Any advice other than get checked myself? I know I’m an idiot.

OP posts:
StressedSandwich · 27/01/2023 00:43

Was it a nhs home sti test kit you did? Unfortunately they only cover the vert basic stis and don't include trichomoniasis (a common parasitic sti that can be confused with bv) or mycoplasma. I'd definitely go to a gum clinic for a full check up and ask him to go too if you are looking at a future with this guy!

LadyJ2023 · 27/01/2023 01:23

Get to the Dr's lady better safe than sorry. If he has anything you don't want it

CircleofWillis · 27/01/2023 02:26

Did you use condoms? If so, that plus your previous clear sti check strongly suggests that IF he has an sti it was from a previous partner.

WetBandits · 27/01/2023 02:41

StressedSandwich · 27/01/2023 00:43

Was it a nhs home sti test kit you did? Unfortunately they only cover the vert basic stis and don't include trichomoniasis (a common parasitic sti that can be confused with bv) or mycoplasma. I'd definitely go to a gum clinic for a full check up and ask him to go too if you are looking at a future with this guy!

Home tests cover TV for women now, I’m pleased to say! You’re right about MGen though.

SkyHippoOnACloud · 27/01/2023 02:45

You keep saying he's not being rude. Of course he is! The fact he's got STI symptoms and is saying he thinks he caught something when you two had sex, that's him being rude right there, that's him blaming you.

You haven't ruined a wonderful relationship, you've had a lucky escape! His go-to is anything that happens to him is someone else's fault.

If he'd done you the courtesy of getting himself tested before sleeping with you, then there'd be no "thinks" about it, he'd know exactly who he caught something from and he'd know it wasn't you.

He also doesn't care if you get pregnant if he's happy to not use a condom. This is almost certainly not because he really wants kids and really wants you to be their mother (and has some great reason for not discussing it with you first). More likely he couldn't give a damn either way because he'd disappear into the distance if you get pregnant.

Blaming you for giving him an STI is his way of telling you he might have given you an STI whilst also telling you you can't be angry or upset about it because it's all your fault. It's a really shitty thing to do.

ArcticSkewer · 27/01/2023 04:10

He didn't do an STI test before sleeping with you? Rude and thoughtless. When did he last sleep with anyone? It can take weeks for symptoms to show.

I actually doubt you had anything if no symptoms since your last test which was clear, with no sex after that.

ArcticSkewer · 27/01/2023 04:24

Blaming you for giving him an STI is his way of telling you he might have given you an STI whilst also telling you you can't be angry or upset about it because it's all your fault. It's a really shitty thing to do.

100% this

thisismynewface · 27/01/2023 13:48

ArcticSkewer · 27/01/2023 04:24

Blaming you for giving him an STI is his way of telling you he might have given you an STI whilst also telling you you can't be angry or upset about it because it's all your fault. It's a really shitty thing to do.

100% this

Yeah, that's my thought too.

Very nicely shifting the shame and guilt on you.

CircleofWillis · 28/01/2023 12:03

ArcticSkewer · 27/01/2023 04:24

Blaming you for giving him an STI is his way of telling you he might have given you an STI whilst also telling you you can't be angry or upset about it because it's all your fault. It's a really shitty thing to do.

100% this

Goodness! This is exactly it isn't it?

over50andfab · 30/01/2023 00:02

Just a couple of thoughts: STIs have a window period where they might not show up in a test for a while. If your test in February was 3 months after any risk event OP you’d be negative for anything tested www.shl.uk/faq/22

It would probably be a good idea to discuss his testing history. Beside the standard STIs there is also Trichomoniasis which I see has been mentioned as being included in some home tests but not all. There’s also Mycoplasma genitalum. It might even just be a UTI.

if it was a joint decision to have sex without a condom, it shouldn’t matter who gave who what and no blame should be attached.

Original poster
Newnamesoembarrassed · 01/02/2023 22:01

My tests were all negative.
Will retest after a couple more wks to make sure.

He has an STI.
He’s been shagging his flatmate.
He admitted it all after I got my clear results.

I’m gutted.

OP posts:
Motnight · 01/02/2023 22:13

I am so sorry, Op, he really is a dickhead. At least you know.

twoandcooplease · 01/02/2023 22:14

Wow what an update op I'm sorry he's a scumbag. I'm even more sorry you're maybe infected by the scumbag but anyway, condoms all the time in future and hopefully the next person won't be a time waster

BeckyWithTheGoodHair010101 · 01/02/2023 22:19

See it wasn't you like everyone said. He's a scumbag. Sorry OP. I'd suggest retesting in 2-3 months in case you caught it off him and it was too soon to show up on your recent test.

CatchHimDerry · 01/02/2023 22:28

I had this OP with an ex, tried to say I gave him STI and was angry, gaslighting to cover the fact it was him cheating that then in turn gave it to me

You’ve had a lucky escape from this wrongen.

Trust me, I’ve felt how you feel, and then finally met a good one.

Its NOT you and you’ll get there in the end when the time is right xx

Original poster
Newnamesoembarrassed · 02/02/2023 17:15

Thanks, he’s full of remorse but I’m not going there again.

OP posts:
Cussons · 02/02/2023 17:21

After reading this I knew that you didn't give him anything. He's a dirty dog to try to blame you for anything. Hopefully when you retest your results come back clear. Don't go anywhere near him, he has no consideration for your health at all. Never mind his own.

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